by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(Aug. 30, 2024) — “It’s a Heartache” (3:24)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. We’re all aware of all the nuts out there who have been infected with ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome,’ those who refuse to connect the dots between the open border and Fentanyl, human trafficking, and rape trees. Furthermore, those same people can’t seem to remember four years ago what the price of gas was and that a trip to the grocery store used to be enjoyable compared to the financial shock it is today. Professor Zorkophsky will be our featured guest and will explain the fine art — or deception – of voters’ ‘druthers’ on who they would prefer to represent them negotiating with, say, Russian President Vladimir Putin or Xi Jinping, the General Secretary of the Chinese Communist Party. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most- watched information show in its time slot.”
“Thank you for inviting me on your show to discuss the important subject of polling, or, as you said, ‘deception.’”
“That’s right; it is an important subject although one could make the case of the polls being totally meaningless. I mean, who cares what your neighbor thinks or what people think about anything anywhere.”
“You’re taking the wind out of my sails, Roving, but you’re right. The polling business is crooked as the day is long; always has been, at least ‘political polling.’”
“You mean there’s different kinds?”
“Oh, yes. For instance, maybe you want to know who drinks coffee vs. Ovaltine. Or do you fish for Northern Pike or walleyes? Most often, businesses want to know the lay of the land before they market their wares. It wouldn’t make much sense to start a Porsche dealership in Alexandria, Minnesota when what they need is a reliable tractor repair shop.”
“I see your point.”
“News is big business, and political news is the biggest news in news. Look at CNN: news 24-7.”
“But that’s Fake News. CNN is nothing but lies, government-speak, indoctrination 24-7 that reports the conclusion of polls that have no relation to reality. How many people are going to vote for the Hyena? I’ll tell you, the exact same number of people who are so stupid that they can’t connect the dots between the open border and Fentanyl, human trafficking, and rape trees.”
“Let alone the cost of gas four years ago. Excuse us while we take a quick break.”
“I Started a Joke” (3:05)
“And we’re back with Professor Zorkophsky, ex-VA pill pusher who refused to zonk out his patients with downers – mainly Thorazine – so they fired you, is that right?”
“Yes, and what a relief it was. I put up my shingle to treat Veterans with PTSD and never looked back. Wrote several bestsellers, even wrote a screenplay, ‘The Dandelion War,’ and now live in the middle of nowhere where I can walk my dog with my AK-47 slung over my shoulder and nobody has ever looked twice. Now, getting back to the fake polls, I just wish they wouldn’t put so much importance on them, as if they’re meaningful in some convoluted way. The bottom line is just vote Trump [“Trump Won” (3:30)] and don’t believe the lies.”
“That makes sense. One more commercial break, I’m afraid. A short one. Be right back.”
“Starting Over” (3:56)
“And we’re back with our featured guest, Professor Zorkophsky.”
“Roving, look, how many times have I been on your show? I’d say enough so that you should know by now to address me as ‘Zork,’ okay? Introduce me as Professor Zorkophsky and go from there. I’d like to say a few words about the political prisoners [“Justice for All” (2:24)] who are locked up to support the lie of the ‘so-called’ insurrection on Jan. 6 when all the world knows that Nancy Pelosi and VP Mike Pence accepted fraudulent votes as legitimate and named the Biden-Harris ticket as the winner of the 2020 presidential election. Let the prisoners go, all of them, right ,and bring federal charges against EVERYONE who had a hand in the whole sordid affair, starting with Barry Soetoro’s (aka Obama) fake BIRTH CERTIFICATE.”
“Yes, I think that can be done on DAY-1 of Trump’s next presidency, starting Jan. 20, 2025, at high noon. Let Mike Davis and RFK have carte blanche on the whole affair and, to top it off, give those Jan. Sixers some reparations to at least make a gesture of reconciliation. I mean, after all, we wasted billions on the Ukraine fiasco. And so, this is your Roving Reporter, along with Zork, wishing our faithful audience a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. No, I haven’t heard from the Little People in quite a while although I understand that Henry is in constant communication with them. Burger time: my treat.”
[Bishop Dunkin reminds us that ten times more Christians are murdered each day, week, month, year and decade than Jews by Muslims. The continent of Africa has been open season for kidnappings and murder for the Muslims, paid for by Iran by money that Biden-Harris sent them.”
[This last song was my song until I learned my wife was cheating on me. Having suffered from PTSD, that was the closest I ever came to eating the bullet. If it wasn’t for the little boy — the day we called her to tell her that we loved her only to be told, ‘She’s not here; it’s her day off’ – I would have done it right then and there; I’d swear to that on the Bible. Divorce is a horrible experience, and PTSD affects the spouse just as much as the initial victim.]
“Right Down the Line” (4:31)