by OPOVV, ©2015

(Aug. 6, 2015) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We’re here at the First Baptist Church on the East Side about to interview Pastor Dunkin for his controversial and innovative way of communicating. Since the days of Eric Holder as the de facto Attorney General, free speech and our First Amendment have taken hit after hit, but that hasn’t slowed down the good folks at this church one bit. Let’s find out what it’s all about.

“Hello, Pastor Dunkin, and welcome to our show. Glad to be here to learn about what it is that you do.”

“Hallelujah! Blessed be the Meek, for they shall truly inherit this earth. Welcome to our church, Roving, and we’re so proud to have you. Just so happens that Thursday night is our hour of practice, so we’ll just go on as if you weren’t even here.

“We’ve rented two of these indoor cherry-pickers, I think they’re called, for your cameraman and sound lady. We also have a table set up for refreshments. You care for some stuffed pork chops? Direct from Sister Nancy’s kitchen. Not now? Perhaps later, then.

“We have Arnold Palmer, coffee and water over there. Just help yourself. And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a choir to conduct.”

Pastor Dunkin walks to the front of the church, gets in his own indoor cherry-picker painted brilliant white with silver sequins, and propels himself in front of and above the 60-member-strong choir, which fills the stage to overflowing. The band is to the side, on the main floor, and consists of two drummers, lead and bass guitars, and a young lady holding a triangle.

“Attention, choir and band members of the First Baptist Church. As you can see, Roving and his crew are here to do a story on us, so let’s do a righteous show for them. I’d like to start off by first doing “Oh Happy Day!in the original form, and then we’ll do it our way. One, two, three.”

The choir sings “Oh Happy Day!” as written, and then sings it with these words:

“Oh illegal immigrants,

 Oh illegal immigrants,

 Pay attention now.

 Pay attention now.

 Pay attention now.

 We’re sending you away.


 Oh undocumented Worker

 We’re sending you back home

 Back where you belong.

 Have a nice trip home.


 Oh Happy Day.

 I’m talking about Happy Day

 Send them ALL away

 Send them ALL away.”

“Very good, choir and band, very good. Let’s take a well-deserved break.

“Well, Roving, what did you think of our performance?”

“Speechless. Wow, if the viewers enjoyed it as half as much as I did, they sure enjoyed it. Let me ask you this: is this the treatment you give all of the songs?”

“You bet, Roving. Even the Christmas carols. You ought to hear us do Sleigh Rideand ‘O Come All Ye Faithful.’ During the Easter service we sing ‘Easter Parade’ and ‘Here Comes Peter Cottontail,’ which is one for the books, I guarantee you not.

“Of course, besides the topic of illegal immigrants, we sing about ‘Deport Muslim refugees immediately,’ ‘I’d be Armed in a Gun-Free Zone, What About You?’ and the favorite of our womenfolk, ‘You Mess with Me, You’ll be Messing with a Mr. Smith and a Mr. Wesson’ to the tune of ‘God Bless America.’

“Well, Pastor Dunkin, I’m really impressed. I must congratulate you on the professionalism of your parishioners. Really enjoyable entertainment. Let me ask you this: has it caught on, I mean, has your idea of singing so-called political songs spreading?

“Son, it was always that way. Why, most of the songs we hear today have their roots in politics and love, one or the other. Thank you for the compliment; I’ll surely pass it along. Now, if you’ll excuse me, we have to continue with rehearsing.”

“Thank you for the show. Well, that’s it. You heard it yourself, and I hope you liked it as much as we did. Roving Reporter and crew saying goodnight. Goodnight.”

“I’m going for one of those stuffed pork chops, anybody care to join me?”

Semper Fi


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