by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(Mar. 5, 2023) — The house is packed, the lights dim, and the curtain rises to the music of Benny Goodman’s “Mission to Moscow” (2:36). The stage is set as the Moulin Rouge theater in Paris. There are 60 girl frogs in costume, jumping up and down and hopping around at a frantic pace. Halfway through the song, the frogs form a line and dance the cancan (1:09). At the end of the song the girls hop off stage right. From stage left Henry is wheeled in sitting on top of a 10’ clear plexiglass cake display case, the kind you see on a luncheon counter. Inside the case, there is an assortment of large plastic cakes and pies. As the applause dies, Henry addresses the audience.
Henry: Hark thee thou. Yes, I speak English and croak Frog but for you I will speak English and give stage directions in Frog. Let the play begin. Croak, croak-croak.
From stage right a backhoe rumbles on-stage and stops center, turns to face the audience as the bucket is raised halfway. Hanging from the bucket is a sign that reads, ‘STRIP MINING.’ A front-end loader does the same from stage left and its sign reads, ‘OPEN PIT MINING.’ Then a replica of a Chinese fishing trawler is wheeled in from stage right with a sign that reads, ‘OVER-FISHING’ followed by another fishing boat, this one from Colombia with a sign that reads, ‘WE KILL RAYS AND DOLPHINS WHILE WE FISH.’
Henry: Croak croak, please.
Mini spotlights focus on the backdrop curtain as it opens to reveal a wind turbine blade the full width of the stage, at which time a stagehand pulls a cord from a tarp at the ceiling of the auditorium and goose down pillow feathers float down on the audience.
Henry: Now that I have your attention – that’s enough feathers, guys; don’t pull the line from the other tarp. Thank you. Croak.”
A loud crash is then heard as the stage props crash through the floor. After the dust settles (not real dust, stage dust) only Henry – still on top of the cake display case — is left standing.
Henry: And that’s the show, folks. If you over-burden whatever you have, it will, eventually, fail. And that’s what we’re doing to our planet. We’re breeding like gerbils; we’re clear-cutting; we’re soiling our cage. The polluters contribute to the rulers’/politicians’ ill-gotten money to create even more ill-gotten money to contribute to the people who allow the ill-gotten money to be ill-gotten in the first place. Strip-mining companies claim they ‘restore’ the stream where fish used to spawn. Pay attention to ‘used to,’ meaning ‘no more; done; over; kaput.’ Extinct, as we will surely be. Don’t pollute the cage you’re living in. There is only one earth. Croak.
They build a golf course over an ecosystem that was capable of renewing itself but no longer can, and we’re supposed to swallow that lie? When is enough really enough? How many days and years do we allow the Jan. Sixers to rot in the gulag until we put those in jail who put the Jan. Sixers in the gulag in the first place?
There’s a long list of real insurrectionists who belong behind bars and they know who they are. It’s up to us to put them there. Politicians, judges, cops who willingly follow illegal orders, all will have plenty of time to discuss their pension options while they spend the rest of their worthless lives in a cage, locked up for life. We have a long list of United States attorneys general, followed by crooked judges and DAs, not to mention the rest of the gang who turned their backs on their Oath to the Constitution.
And that’s the play; thank you for watching. This play was written by Chief New Leaf who will be out in the lobby gladly willing to sign your program for a measly 20 bucks. Thank you and goodnight.
House lights brighten as ushers mingle among the crowd with handheld vacuum cleaners to remove errant goose feathers. “Climb Every Mountain” (1:20) is played as the curtain lowers.
RR: Hello, as you can see, we’re in the lobby trying to make our way to the Chief to congratulate him on his successful play. Ah, finally. Hey Chief, how you doin’? Enjoyed the play.
Chief New Leaf: I’m so glad, Roving. Disappointing I forgot to have the most important sign of them all: ‘THE KEY TO LIFE IS FRESH WATER’; make them watch “Lawrence of Arabia’ and turn off the drinking fountains and close the concession counter if you want people to experience thirst.
RR: Reminds me of what Zork once told me. Professor Zorkophsky said he was put in a situation while he was in the Navy: he was volunteered for a ‘humanitarian mission’ where he ended up fighting for his life. He said, yes, the enemy wanted to kill him, but he wanted their water more than he wanted to kill them. Makes a good case for negotiations, doesn’t it? So, you making any money?
CNL: Hand over fist.
RR: That’s good. Okay, that’ll do it for this episode of ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot. On behalf of the Chief here, this is your Roving Reporter wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.”