by Roving Reporter, ©2021

The Last Supper” depicting Judas Iscariot in right forefront (Artist: Carl Bloch, public domain)

(Nov. 15, 2021) — “Greenfields” (3:02)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Today’s guest should be of interest because it is none other than Dr. Mary Miller, an activist in the service of ‘whoever pays the most at the right time.’ By the way, what kind of doctor are you, anyway?”

“The make-believe kind.”

“You mean you’re not a real doctor?”

“You mean a medical vs. one who majored in the ‘Hidden Meanings in the Poem Lord Randall kind? No, I’m not. Next question.”

“Are you glad we invited you, and aren’t you happy to be here?”

“For sure; now let’s get to why I’m here, shall we do that? Good. We have a Judas among us, a Judas living in our country. Oh, I know Hillary Clinton should be behind bars just as Barry Soetoro (aka Obama) needs to be down in GITMO where he can’t do us any more harm; but Mike Pence needs to be treated as the arch villain that he is, exactly how the Bible has treated Judas for the past two millennia.”

“And how’s that, exactly?”

“Because the definition of a Judas hasn’t changed one iota in all that time: traitor and backstabber.Judas is the lowest of the low: somebody who will shake your hand while looking you in the eye whilst administering the lethal knife thrust in your back.”

“You’re describing Mike Pence?”

“The one and only who had the opportunity to save our Republic but didn’t. The ticket to be the president in 2024 but now all he has is a ticket to nowhere forever, a real Judas and not any make-believe kind. He not only betrayed Trump; he betrayed us. Look, I don’t want to be rude or anything, but I’m just too darn depressed to continue, so if you’ll excuse me I’ll go home and plan my next move.”

“Very well, and that’ll give us a good excuse for a commercial break.”

I Feel that I’ve Known You Forever” (1:41)

“And we’re back without a guest. What do you say we give Professor ‘Trash the masks’ Zorkophsky a call? Hello, Professor? I wonder if you could do a ‘guest fill-in’?

“What happened, you insulted another guest? Sure, I’ve got some time. Actually, I was just about to give you a ring since tomorrow is the release date of my latest bestseller, PTSD and Divorce.’”

“Now isn’t that nice? What kind of book is it, or is it a screenplay?”

“No, it’s another excellent textbook for us professional psychiatrists, we who have the license to treat the ‘nutty.’ There are chapters on ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome’ and ‘Russian Collusion,’ besides ‘Birthers and Election-‘Fraud Deniers.’”

“Sounds like you covered all the bases. Where does the PTSD come in?”

“In Chapter 7: ‘Sand Castles,’ where I explain the concept of self-worth, the ego. You see, my patients, my combat-PTSD patients, lost all of their Id and have nothing to show for it, which is why many of them end up eating a bullet. I had one patient whose wife was a nurse and came home from work one night really upset, but my patient couldn’t comfort her because he lost the ability to even comfort himself.”

“What happened to him?”

“They divorced, to his everlasting regret, which is really too bad, because there are really good reasons why being with the same person is a good thing.”

“In what way?”

“Well, for example this guy says to his wife of 40 years, ‘There are Martians in the kitchen,’ and the wife says, ‘No, dear, those are what we call ants’; see?”

“Oh, so they keep each other’s foot on the ground, so to speak. Explain more about this ‘castle’ idea.”

“Very well: these Veterans build what I call ‘self-worth castles,’ but the ones who have acute PTSD somehow always build their ‘sand castles’ that are prone to ‘wash away.’

“What, pray tell, does ‘wash away’ mean?”

“Suicide.”

“You don’t mince words, do you?”

“Not on this subject. I prescribe, first, admitting that there’s a problem and then, second, talk about it, don’t keep it bottled up, and not by drinking it to death. Flush the booze, the pills and the smokes.”

“But the VA pushes pills, don’t they?”

“That they do, so stay away and flush the pills. If anybody should know not to trust the government, we Veterans should. Those 13 who were recently killed in Kabul knew.”

“But they did it anyway (followed orders, bad orders, very bad orders).”

“Makes one wonder.”

“So how did you like Vietnam?”

“It was one of ‘Life’s Lessons,’ something we all should do, at least once, and then we wouldn’t have any of this BLM, ANTIFA and Pelosi nonsense.”

“What about the FBI and their make-believe ‘insurrection?’”

“That, too. Goodnight, Roving, got to run; next time please call me ‘Zork’; I feel it makes for a more relaxing atmosphere.”

“Will do. Goodnight, Zork, and I’ll be wishing all of you a goodnight, too: Goodnight.”

“Another good show, if I don’t say so myself. Hey, crew, it’s burger time: my treat.”

Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head” (3:01)

Roving Reporter

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