by Roving Reporter, ©2021

(Oct. 13, 2021) — “In the Hall of the Mountain King” (2:44)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. We are one of a family that lives on the bottom of a column of a mixture of gases. We share our world with many relatives, from gazelles and anteaters to every living thing between, including gnats.

“We don’t know if mice and other rodents have dreams and aspirations or, for that matter, if cows are in the same boat. If we knew the language of mice and cows maybe we would be surprised, but then again maybe not, the point being is that, in truth, maybe we’re not as brilliant as we think we are.

“If we were to sit down with a Prairie Dog and ask, ‘What to do with used oil, say, from a tractor, car or truck, plane or boat?’ I would expect the answer to be to return the used oil to the place of purchase to be recycled.

“Let’s suppose a developer is building a house, or maybe a subdivision, so what do you say we ask a sparrow if would it be a good idea to leave some trees and bushes or clear-cut it all? Maybe we ought to ask turtles about polluting the lakes, the beavers the streams, the catfish the rivers?

“It is not a ‘Global Warming’ (‘Climate Change) crisis, but it is a ‘Litter Crisis.’ Have you taken a sea cruise lately? They show the overly large wind-susceptible ships sailing the deep blue seas but they never show all of the plastic floating on top of the water, which is like an iceberg: only 10% of it is visible.

“Our guest today is an old friend, Chief New Leaf, who will have something to say, right?”

“Wrong; you said it all during the introduction so I’m out of here. Bye.”

“And off he goes, so we’ll take a well-deserved break.”

Along the Santa Fe Trail” (2:34)

“And we’re back and at this time I’ll answer a few questions. The number is at the bottom of your screen. And, just like that, our first caller. Hello, please state your name and ask your question.”

“Am I on? Are you that Roving Reporter?”

“Ask away.”

“If you needed a donor for some reason, would you want that donor to be vaccinated?”

“I take it you’re referring to ‘The Jab’: no way. Next caller, please.”

“My name is Jane, and I know who Biden’s puppet-master is.”

“Okay, Jane, go ahead and tell us.”

“I’ll answer in the form of an equation: Obama + Valerie Jarrett + CAIR = MUSLIM BROTHERHOOD. By the way, the so-called Brotherhood is a terrorist organization that’s been outlawed in Egypt.”

“Thank you, Jane. I guess that explains why we left the Taliban all that military gear in Afghanistan.”

“Indeed it does. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye. Next caller, please. Hello, this is Roving.”

“Do you know that Mitch McConnell is a two-bit low-life snake in the grass?”

“Yes. Next caller.”

“Hey, Roving, Steve here. How come Congress is exempt from the jab?”

“Next.”

“Why is Nancy Pelosi still in Washington?”

“Next.”

“My name is Jane and thank you for taking my call. How was the world made a better place by those 13 soldiers killed by that suicide bomber in Kabul?”

“We think it is abhorrent that a member of the same species kills another member. We would be appalled to learn that penguins murder other penguins. We would be shocked to learn that dachshunds kill other dachshunds, but we don’t bat an eye when humans kill other humans, as if penguins and dachshunds are the exceptions. So to answer your question, Jane, let me say that it is normal for Muslims to murder other humans because it is how they have approached life for the past 1,400 years.”

“Crazy.”

“You telling me? Thanks for the call. Next.”

“I wasn’t at the Capitol on January 6, but I wish I had gone.”

“Good for you; what’s your question?”

“Well, my question is will the FBI arrest me for not being there even though I wasn’t but wish I would’ve?”

“Yes. And that’ll do it for us and I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”

Memories of You” (3:34)

Roving Reporter

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