by Roving Reporter, ©2021
(Sep. 25, 2021) — “Easy (like Sunday morning)” (4:24)
“Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. For those of you who aren’t familiar with our operation, ‘Pulse’ is an independent editorial organization that only deals in the facts of the day. We have a small staff of highly dedicated overworked and underpaid interviewers who only want to inform the public how the public is being taken for a ride, such as masks and vaccines pertaining to the COVID-19 Chinese biological weapon: masks can’t protect you from viruses and the COVID vaccine doesn’t vaccinate; all it does is introduce spiked bad stuff in you that causes lung and heart damage, and who knows what else?
“Anyway, moving along; I’m Roving Reporter (RR) and that’s my handle – not my name – and I’m the sub-boss — second in command — of ‘Pulse’ and, as many of you know, the big boss is a hardworking lady we all know as our editor, Sharon. Molly replaced Cheryl as our secretary after we learned that Cheryl was cheating on her husband. We figured if a person would cheat on her best friend, what kind of lies would we, her co-workers, expect?
“Chief New Leaf is our eyes on the road since he travels around the country in his maxed-out RV bus; Madam Shylock foresees our future from her ‘Fortune-Telling Emporium’ down in Cassadaga, Florida; Professor ‘Trash the masks’ Zorkophsky is a screenwriter for such blockbuster hits as ‘Dandelion War’ and a bestselling author of psychiatry textbooks for the professional and layman alike who, as I’m sure most of you know, is a frequent guest host of ‘Pulse’; Professor Wert is a well-known intrepid explorer who also writes children’s books; and a host of others who are more or less freelance.
“We have been bugged to near death by our editor to answer our mail but since we’ve been burned-out of our studio in Chicago and threatened in Atlanta, we’re on the go, moving from secret location to secret location so we find it difficult to find the time to answer such questions as:
Dear Roving;
You reported that the COVID-19 was nothing but a
sorry excuse to allow mail-in ballots to facilitate
election fraud and you also tell people NOT to take
the so-called COVID vaccine.
My mother tells me I need the vaccine; what do
think I should do?
Sincerely,
Confused
——————–
Dear Confused;
Walk out the door and find yourself a life.
As always,
Roving
“There, I answered a letter. So what do you say we get this show on the road and have our first guest come on in? Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most popular information show in its time slot. With us is Dave Thompson, a Democratic CEO who says every Democratic CEO is a guaranteed millionaire. So, let me ask you this: how do you figure that every Democratic CEO will be a millionaire?”
“Easy as pie. Tell the employees that a dollar bill is paper; that they will get paid in paper; come payday I give them a dollar bill and then a stack of papers that looks like money but isn’t.”
“But isn’t that against the law?”
“Not if I say they’ll get paid in paper and I give them paper, which I do, so it isn’t. Look, it’s the same as voting: say Biden got more votes than Trump but Biden’s votes are fake, but since he got more votes, he wins.”
“Hold it, that’s exactly what Anderson Cooper said.”
“Yes, and that kind-of makes my point: if I tell potential employees I’ll pay them in paper, and I do, so what if they work for me for two weeks and I pay them a dollar and five-hundred pieces of paper that I ran through the copier that just happen to print facsimiles of one-hundred-dollar bills?”
“But that’s dishonest.”
“And? What’s your point? They got paid, didn’t they? So you’re one of those people who probably thinks Trump won because most of Biden’s votes were illegal, right?”
“But of course.”
“Wrong. Illegal or not, Biden got more votes. End of story. Goodbye. You know what? The bottom line is that I’m rich and you’re not.”
“But you lied and cheated.”
“But the bottom line is that I’m rich. Goodbye.”
“And off he goes; crazy, but rich. Okay, let’s bring in our next guest after this commercial.”
“Rachmaninov: Rhapsody On A Theme Of Paganini, Op.43, Variation 18” (2:56)
“Welcome to ‘Pulse.‘ And you are?”
“My name is Mary Anne Parker and I’m a great painter.”
“Now isn’t that nice? Do you paint the lines in the parking lot, or maybe houses?”
“No, you silly man; I‘m a portrait painter. Look, I’ve brought some prints and I’ll show you some if you would like.”
“Our viewers would like nothing more; me included. Why, the first one looks like Mike Pence with, what is that, egg? Mike Pence with egg on his face? How appropriate; is it for sale? I’ll buy it. And this other one? Why, they’re all of Pence, the dirty back-stabber, with egg on his face.”
“Here, look at these.”
“Oh, I like the one of a religious theme: Mike Pence as Judas. And all these others. Why, you have poached and scrambled, besides fried.”
“And raw.”
“And raw with shells. I like them all. How much for the set? I just got the message to wrap it up and so, on behalf of Mary Anne, this is your Roving Reporter wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
[Don’t ever, but ever, let them take your guns, because once they have your means to protect yourself, it’ll all be over.]
“The Poor Side of Town” (3:39)