by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(Aug. 20, 2024) — “How It’s Made – Full Theme Song” (1:03)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Professor Zorkophsky will be our featured guest, but before we get to him Bishop Dunkin would like to give us an invocation. The floor is yours, Bishop.”
“Thank you, Roving.
“Dear Lord, please forgive this intrusion, but the Windy City – that would be Chicago – is under siege from very deranged and dangerous imbeciles out there, make no mistake about it. Never underestimate the depravity that our enemies will go to to satisfy some primeval desire to behave worse than they did the siege before – that would be Oct. 7.
“Forgive us, Lord, for having sinned in the past, but rest assured we strive to do better the next day and all the following tomorrows. We believe in the Golden Rule, and we will not tolerate any Jew-bashing, any Hindu-bashing, any Christian-bashing – in short, we will not tolerate bashing.
“We understand that we are a tolerant and forgiving people. Why, take your humble servant, for instance. You know my story: went to a war and divorced the love of my life and now go around telling people not to do what I have done [“The House of the Rising Sun” (4:29)].
“That’s right: we believe in the Constitution, which is why they won’t hire Veterans to be cops, who will follow illegal orders so they can get home safely every night, whereas a soldier will fight to get the job done, and turning one’s back on the Oath (following an illegal order) is not the way to go. Those cops in Baltimore, Ferguson, Seattle, and Minneapolis who just stood around and watched their city burn maybe should’ve arrested their mayor and chief of police instead. One shot might’ve solved the problem, you understand.
“Now, Lord, don’t get me wrong, and I certainly don’t mean any disrespect, but can you please explain why some people want rape trees, child molestation and Fentanyl? I mean, why the Dems, as if the world isn’t populated with enough crazy people? Every day, and I do mean EVERY day, the news out of Africa is yet more Christians are kidnapped or killed. It NEVER ends, and I for one am getting mighty sick and tired of it; how ‘bout You?”
“Please excuse us while we pause for a short commercial break.”
“We’ll Sing in the Sunshine” (2:47)
“I mean, at least give the cops the nerve to question illegal orders. Storming Mar-a-Lago with orders shoot to kill is an example of an illegal order. Arresting Steven Bannon is enough to go after the judge who issued the order in the first place.”
“Excuse us again for another short commercial.”
“Then You Can Tell Me Goodbye” (3:18)
“Listen, Lord, I served in the military and I, for real, put my life on the line and am sick of all these bums in my country. Madam Shylock told me this afternoon that we’re getting mighty close to the time when local citizens will be forced to be vigilantes (because the judges and the cops won’t do their job*), and the vigilantes will just go out and shoot the lawbreakers on sight. We all know who these anti-Americans are, these bums who won’t assimilate and will never accept the Golden Rule as an imperative guideline in how to be civilized. And that’s all I wanted to say except they’re here already. There’s enough, say, 200,000 Chinese and a couple of million jihadists, to, #1, overthrow us in one day, and #2, we wake up to our cops following the orders from the judges to confiscate our guns. And that’s when we fight back, but the National Guard will be on the other side, too. Better to go down fighting than living one second of a regret. ‘It’s better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life.’ Amen.”
“Amen, for sure. Well, a little long-winded so we’ll get to the good Professor some other time. This is your Roving Reporter, along with the Bishop and Zork, wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. If Trump doesn’t win, the whole country will look the way Chicago and LA look today. Burger time: my treat.”
[*Won’t do their job: And because the judges and the cops and Border Patrol won’t do their jobs, they are directly putting our lives in danger “Justice for All” (2:24). Every young lady, from 6 to 60, is a target of opportunity. Every canine is a target. Heck, every living thing is a target, all thanks to those worthless government employees who put illegal orders ahead of honor. Trashing honor ultimately means erasing a person’s worth, ending up living under the shadow of shame until their blessed dying hour. May they suffer nightmares, waking every morning sweating and afraid, until they cross over to the other side.]
[“There’s no such thing as too much ammo and too much water.” RR]
“Shake It Up” (3:37)