by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(May 4, 2024) — “Climb Every Mountain” (3:42)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Never in the annals of human history has anyone been so universally hated, despised, and loathed than Joe Biden, the puppet of an American president. The disdain that a rational person holds for Joe Biden cannot be measured on a normal human scale, but rather a universal scale that transcends humankind and with us to explain it all is Professor Wert, once an intrepid explorer but lately known as a successful author of children’s books. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot.”
“And thank you for allowing me to explain the obvious to rational people but the over-the-top for all those who got left behind, figuratively speaking.”
“You mean the Dems.”
“Yes, people who casually toss hard-won freedoms aside for some ridiculous utopian dream that doesn’t exist, has never existed and never will exist, but they’re just too darn stubborn and stupid to see the truth.”
“Sad for them.”
“Forget them, what about us? They’re the ones who believe that there was an insurrection on Jan. 6 besides the Pelosi-Pence one. Here’s some truth: oil and water do not mix just as Muslims and everyone else on the planet earth do not mix. Deliberately importing Muslims into our country means that we’ll be having endless random murders everywhere at any time. Thanks a lot, stupid Dems; what do you expect?”
“One would think that would be quite obvious.”
“Of course it is, for those of us who can think. Biden and his ilk cannot reason; they are incapable of any rational thought. Take Joe Scarborough, for instance. Can’t think, so he parrots the Commie line of the day, says what he’s supposed to say.”
“Talking points.”
“You got it, and his idiot wife echoes him, or he her. Same difference. Now getting back to this universal scale of hate, all living creatures share the same plane of reality. Sun rises, sun sets. When it rains things get wet. When a very bad actor deliberately messes up a preferred order, this bad actor is shunned, avoided, discarded as a legitimate player on the world’s stage.”
“Such as Joe Biden.”
“And Harris, and Merrick Garland and all the other lousy supporting actors in a third-rate, off-Broadway flop.”
“Couldn’t agree with you more.”
“But it gets worse.”
“Afraid so.”
“The military became ‘woke’ is what happened. Preferred pronoun nonsense; women on blue-water Navy ships; women in combat units.”
“Doesn’t say much for the Marines, now, does it?”
“No, it certainly does not. Don’t forget the ‘Clot Shot.’ I can envision the next war. It’ll take place in a dance hall. The enemy — I don’t know – Chinese, Reds, Muslims – will be ordered to dance with our troops. Here, let me play a song for you.”
“Theme from a Summer Place” (2:45)
“Our troops will be wearing the required tutus. The fight will start out by the disagreement on who leads.”
“Well, I guess the person who is not wearing the tutu will lead, right?”
“One would think so but, well, our military isn’t what it used to be; why, we can’t even protect our borders. I’m sorry, but my phone is vibrating, a call that I must take; it’s from my wife. Now, if I don’t answer I’ll be in the doghouse, and we wouldn’t want that, now, would we?”
“Most certainly not.”
“As they say, ‘Happy wife makes for a happy life.’”
“And off he goes but, not to worry, we have it covered. That’s right, a surprise guest after these short messages.”
“Last Song” (3:07)
“The Stroll” (2:35)
“And we’re back with…Henry! How you doing,’ Henry?”
“Just peachy, thanks for askin’. My engagement is on the rocks. Miss Cindy isn’t too excited about living on my pond, even though she’d be on the world’s most sumptuous barge; think Cleopatra’s with A/C.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. Will you still be friends, go on dates?”
“No, but I’ll stop by once in a while and see her at the zoo.”
“That’s nice. What’s in those boxes you brought?”
“I started a company called ‘Hyper Wheelbarrows for Tomorrow.’ Here, open that box next to you, the small one on your left.”
“Why, it’s a small wheelbarrow that has what looks like a cash register drawer.”
“That’s because I’m getting on the ground floor to go grocery shopping. See this other box? That’s a deep-well wheelbarrow for one dollar. The other boxes contain specialty barrows, like this one here.”
“What’s that one about?”
“Bread and milk, anything less than $1,000.”
“And what about those boxes out in the hallway?”
“More specialty boxes: bank, lumber yard, beauty salon.”
“How much do these wheelbarrows cost and where can I buy one?”
“They range from $19.95 up to $99.95. Sold wherever fine books are sold. I want to say one more thing, if I may.”
“Be my guest.”
“Joe Biden visiting a Holocaust Museum would be like me visiting a French culinary school specializing in frog legs.”
“Well said. Well, that’ll do it for this episode of ‘Pulse.’ This is your Roving Reporter, along with Henry, wishing all of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Actually, I seriously hope that your hyper-wheelbarrow business flops. Sorry to hear about the bride afraid of getting ‘wet feet.’ There are worms in the refrigerator, lower shelf left; burger for me.”
“Frog Went a Courtin” (2:45)
Roving Reporter