by Roving Reporter, ©2022
(Nov. 13, 2022) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. After generations on Welfare, Jerome and Muhammad can’t read or speak proper English, can’t do sums, and wouldn’t know how to conjugate the verb ‘to be.’ ‘Where you be?’; ‘I already did got it’; and the ever-popular, ‘I been had a hat.’ Honorable mentions are, ‘I just took a short drove,’ ‘Polece,’ ‘What you had did?’ and ‘I just roke those leaves.’ But that’s just the tip of the iceberg – ‘Say what?’ – and to help us out is Zyklon’s ambassador to our planet, Henry. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ and how are you feeling?”
“I’m fine now, thank you. I guess I had a fly with a little bug spray. I’ve been watching your elections, more entertaining than sports or cartoons.”
“I bet. What do you think?”
“This is what I think: I think I agree that nothing can be either created or destroyed. You can change shape – gas, liquid, solid – and polarity – ‘positive’, ‘negative’ — but in the end you’re left with what you had, speaking-creating universe-wise.”
“I get it.”
“So if you add it all up, all the living things are positively charged while the ground – earth – is negatively charged, which is why you don’t go flying off into space, can’t all be stupid, and can’t all be Dems.”
“I get it.”
“Actually, you people live in a magnet which is why, in the future, your mode of transportation will be accomplished by magnets rather than by the decomposed bodies of living things (oil).”
“I get it.”
“I say you talk the talk but you don’t walk the walk. You need the Draft, it’s true, but even more than that you need to require every American to serve at least two years doing something for the country if not in the military.”
“And we all agree, except for the millions and millions of stupid people in our country.”
“You mean the Dems?”
“You said it. Listen: A state can run the LOTTO. They can count the tickets, tabulate each ticket, know when and where the winning ticket was sold within a few hours BUT they can’t count votes. Give me a break.”
“That is so true.”
“They take their time to cheat. End of story; end of country. Goodnight.”
“And we’ll say goodnight to all: Goodnight.”