by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(Feb. 27, 2024) — “I Like It” (2:15)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Our featured guest is Professor Wert, who just wrote a book titled, ‘One Mouse to Another.’ Welcome back aboard ‘Pulse,’ Professor.”
“And thank you for the invite to hawk my new book. I think maybe it’ll calm things down; at least that’s the plan.”
“You have a plan? Plan for what?”
“Well, since they ousted Trump [“Trump Won” (3:30)], the whole world is going crackers, so maybe I throw in a little bit of reality, you know what I mean?.”
“Interesting concept. I mean, you did write a children’s book, right? And what’s the reality?”
“Yep, a book for the little kiddies. Here’s the story: this one mouse discovered that there’s this star, not too far from us, maybe 300 light years away, that may become a very dangerous entity.”
“Hold it. You said ‘300’ light years away. Seeing that light travels 186,000 miles a second that’s one heck of a long way away. Three hundred light years is roughly 1,800 trillion miles away, so what do we care about a star that far away?”
“We care because that star will soon collapse into a neutron star, and if that happens, we’ll be hit with a GAMMA RAY BURST that will cook the earth faster than you can say Jack Robinson.”
“That fast?”
“Faster than a blink of an eye.”
“That’s fast.”
“You’ll be dead before you knew it.”
“Wow. So, this is in your children’s book, people dying faster than a cat on a mouse?”
“Yep, faster than the speed of light. Faster than any electrical impulse from your eye to your brain. You wouldn’t even know you died.”
“But what’s the point? I mean, they’re little kids.”
“That’s right, and I’m teaching them that the universe, the cosmos, is a violent and terrifying landscape, so treat others as you, too, would wish to be treated because nobody knows how much time any of us have; that’s the point.”
“That makes sense. Don’t go living your life filled with hate and envy.”
“And greed and lies.”
“Treat others as you, too, would wish to be treated.”
“That kind-of leaves out what happened in Israel on October 7th, right?”
“Yep, you hit the nail on its head.”
“But mice?”
“Why not? I was going to use a couple of octopuses; I mean, they’re pretty smart, but the artist who illustrates my books likes mice and doesn’t like octopods, okay?”
“Okay. Go out and buy the book for your kids. So, this is your Roving Reporter, along with Professor Wert, wishing you all a good night: Goodnight.”
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
“And When I Die” (4:02)
Roving Reporter