by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(Feb. 18, 2024) — “Kodachrome” (3:36)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Soon after President ‘Brandon’ announced his visit to East Palestine, Ohio, Chief New Leaf graciously offered his sumptuous RV for our use, and so here we are, broadcasting from the RV. We were going to venture out but the instruments that register harmful particulates were all in the red, so we decided to park in this empty parking lot of a closed drug store. Place is very eerie with no birds or squirrels. We might as well hit the road because we’re not venturing out and getting sick.
“Now we’re heading out of town and see nothing but ‘TRUMP 2024’ signs; matter of fact, every house has at least one. Oops, what’s this? There’s flashing blue lights behind us, so we’ll pull over in this empty parking lot of a — what is it? Looks like a defunct laundromat.”
“How may I help you, officer?”
“You have a ‘Trump’ sticker on your rear bumper.”
“So?”
“Trump’s a racist.”
“Get real.”
“Trump overstated the values of his property for a loan.”
“Trump understated. What, you think Mar-a-Lago is worth a measly $18 million? Besides, there was no crime. How can there be a crime when the money was paid back with interest? There was no harm done to a person, institution or business.”
“The judge found him guilty.”
“Maybe the judge is crooked; ever think of that?”
“Well, now, you can’t deny that you are driving a vehicle with a ‘TRUMP 2024’ bumper sticker, which means you are not a Biden supporter, so I’m going to cite you as an ‘outside agitator,’ which is a mandatory jail sentence of ten years.”
“For a bumper sticker on a vehicle that’s not even mine?”
“Where were you on January 6th?”
“At home, I suppose.”
“Where were you on January 6, 2021?”
“I was at home watching the news on TV.”
“Got any proof that you were home watching the news on January 6, 2021?”
“With me? Now?”
“Step out of the vehicle, sir, and put your hands on the hood.”
While the police officer was questioning the driver, a crowd of people, each wearing a MAGA hat, slowly gathered behind the officer.
“Well, I don’t think I will, officer, and I’ll tell you why. If you would look behind you, you’ll find a bunch of people who lost all respect for the type of ‘Law & Order’ being shoved down our throats since the stolen election. You are operating under a corrupt DOJ of this rogue government and we’re not going to take it anymore. If you want this to be the ‘Lexington Green’ moment when we take our country back, so be it. If not, leave me alone, go to the library and read about the Constitution and maybe you’ll get with the program instead of going through life as a CNN, MSNBC, brain-dead imbecile. Now we’ll take a quick commercial break, and I don’t want to see you when we get back.”
“Every Day of the Week” (2:28)
“And we’re back and the cop is nowhere to be seen, hopefully gone home to learn about the Constitution and the stolen election when Mike Pence became the Judas of our times. Since we have a few minutes, I think we’ll tackle some of the mail that’s been sitting around in the ‘IN BOX’ tray.
Dear Roving,
Were those iridescent armadillos for real or did you just use regular Texas ones?
Sandy
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Thank you for your question, Sandy.
I took them at face value.
________________
Dear Roving,
I can’t find ‘Pulse’ on my TV. Can you help?
Mike
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Thank you for your question, Mike.
Sorry, Mike, that’s up to your signal provider.
“And that’ll do for the mail.
“If Joe ‘Let’s go Brandon!’ Biden was a person with an ounce of integrity, at this late hour he would pardon the illegally incarcerated January Sixers [“Justice for All” (2:24)]. And if anyone needed a good reason to get out of New York, Judge Engoron and AG Letitia James [“Making a Fool of Herself” (4:58)] are it. If ever in the history of jurisprudence have two morally corrupt individuals been allowed to wreak more disservice to the concept of governing by law, those two are it. And, last but certainly not least, Professor Zorkophsky has started an investigation into the possibility that ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome’ [“Trump Won” (3:30)] leads to more serious and permanent mental illnesses, exemplified by the antics of Joe Scarborough on his show, ‘Morning Joe.’
“I know we’ve covered it before, but the Muslim Brotherhood is nothing but bad news for everyone involved. Our State Department allows them to operate in our country, starting with CAIR, an entity which stands for nothing other than the destruction of Israel, and we cannot allow them to continue. Our Department of State flies the terrorists in and lets them walk through our southern border with open arms: food, housing, medical, and money. Thanks a lot, ‘Brandon.’ And that goes double for the United Nations.
“And that’ll do it from East Palestine, Ohio. Thank you for watching: Goodnight.”
“Brand New Key” (2:27)
Roving Reporter
Ever notice that the State Dept. is always at the center?