by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(Feb. 14, 2024) — “Justice for All” (2:24)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Our featured guest has quite an extensive background working with animals and has just published the final volume in a 17-book compilation titled, ‘The Language of Our Furry Neighbors.’ Welcome to the show, Dr. Mary Beth Masters; I understand you have some rather startling news for us, but before you explain what it is, what’s your book about?”
“I have made it my life’s work to understand the language of animals and can communicate with, to date, 17 of them from beavers to zebras.”
“What about rats?”
“Rats, too.”
“What do rats say?”
“The same as mice: ‘more cheese.’”
“Snakes?”
“I don’t do reptiles but if I did, I would expect them to say, ‘more mice.’”
“I see. So, if I said horses say, ‘more hay’, and cows say, ‘more grass,’ I’d be correct?”
“I think you would be. But you’d be surprised at what else they say. For instance, cats have a rather extensive knowledge of the Constitution and its history.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because in every instance when the Constitution was discussed by the Founding Fathers a cat was present, that’s why. Now, I’d like to tell you something that you’d be interested in, which is the reason I decided to be on your show, the most popular information show in its time slot, I’m told.”
“And correctly.”
“I have a friend who has a friend, and so on, who gave me access to that bomb-sniffing dog in Washington, DC, is what I’m trying to tell you.”
“So you’re going to tell me you interviewed that very same bomb-sniffing dog? Got it on tape?”
“Yes, I do, and here it is.”
“Great; we’ll play it after this short commercial break.”
“If I Could Talk to the Animals” (3:20)
“And we’re back with Dr. Masters, a dog linguist, who interviewed the bomb-sniffing dog in Washington, DC. Go ahead and run it.”
Screen shows a German Shepherd sitting on a chair across a table from Dr. Masters. The dog barks followed by a series of barks from Dr. Masters. The tape continues to run with the dog and Dr. Masters barking at one another until the end at 4.15.
“That’s it?”
“What do you expect?”
“But all I heard was you and the dog barking at one another.”
“Mr. Roving, humans don’t bark.”
“Pelosi barks.”
“There are exceptions, I’ll grant you that. You didn’t actually expect the bomb-sniffing dog to speak English, did you? I think you did. That’s pretty funny.”
“But…?
“I know, you’re embarrassed.”
The screen shows Roving’s face turn red.
“Alright, I suppose I’m supposed to ask you to decipher for us what was barked.”
“Said.”
“What was barked.”
“Then let me tell you, the dog said there was no bomb, okay? The dog proved, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there was no bomb, so the ‘bomb’ idea was bogus, just as the election was. Do you understand at least that much, or do I have to repeat it ad nauseam?”
“No, we get it: there was no bomb, there never was a bomb, just as the ONLY insurrection was at 3:00 a.m. conducted by Nancy Pelosi and Mike Pence. We get it: the dog proved it. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, I’m sure.”
“Okay, that’ll do it for this episode of ‘Pulse,’ so this is your Roving Reporter, along with dog linguist Dr. Masters, wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
“Tramp” (2:59)
Roving Reporter
Another great interview; thank you Roving.
“Is a fake pipe bomb a pipe bomb?”
Pelosi says, “Yes”; Mike Pence says, “Yes”.
The bomb-sniffing dog says a fake pipe bomb may look like a pipe bomb but that doesn’t make it a pipe bomb, therefore, a fake pipe bomb is NOT a bomb, it’s just a fake.
No bomb. A “pretend” bomb, maybe.
What a joke, just as the Biden Administration is.
Case closed.