“AN ANNOYANCE”
by Chief New Leaf, ©2019
(Jan. 21, 2019) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, I’m replacing Roving for this episode of ‘Pulse of the Nation.’ Nowadays, just because somebody bangs a drum, they think they of themselves as direct descendants of Sitting Bull and Geronimo. Hello, I’m Chief New Leaf here to set the record straight between our Native American Indians with the conquerors of the continent: those who follow the Judeo-Christian philosophy of life. A couple of generations ago our forefathers – yours and mine – came to the understanding that the white man won’t exterminate the indigenous peoples and the Indians won’t scalp the white man.
“The treaties that were signed are, basically, the formal agreement of the tribes accepting the Constitution as the overriding law of the vistas that the deer roam and the eagles fly over. And it is also true that the white man speaks with forked tongue, just as it is true that some of the gaming tables in our gambling casinos may not be quite as kosher as the State’s Bureau of Gaming Control claim they are.
“Look, I’ll get right to the point: Nathan Phillips speaks only for himself and no other; he doesn’t represent squash, Indian corn, or the canoe-manufacturing lobby. To say he’s an embarrassment is an understatement, which only goes to show how the fake news media scratches for politically-correct stories. Excuse us, please, while we break for these important messages.”
“Indian Outlaw” (4:08)
“It’s a lie, of course.”
“Pardon me? Oh, excuse me; allow me to introduce Professor Zorkophsky, the eminent psychologist who writes bestsellers and has become a Hollywood icon, producing such memorable films as ‘The Hilarious Side of PTSD’ and ‘WHERE’S that BIRTH CERTIFICATE?’ So what’s a lie, Professor?”
“Everything, and please, Chief, call me ‘Zork’; there’s no need to be so formal.”
“So, what are you saying, that everything is a lie?”
“I was referring to fake news, like whenever Rachel Maddow or Dan Rather speak, it’s a lie. It’s a lie by default, like ‘The View.’ They report whatever they think is the gospel truth when, in fact, it’s just the opposite: the gospel lie.”
“Did you just say ‘gospel lie’? What the heck is that supposed to mean? I never heard of such a thing.”
“It’s when the facts are known or purposely ignored to reach a fraudulent conclusion, like believing Christine Ford’s bogus testimony against Brett Kavanaugh, or Russian Collusion, all the while ignoring the Obama/Hillary connection with the Iran Nuclear Deal and Uranium One.”
“Got it. So what’s your clinical observation with these off-the-wall protesters?”
“Well, take this Nathan Phillips character: he’s what we call in the profession ‘an annoyance.’”
“An ‘annoyance?’”
“That’s right. A person who is ‘an annoyance’ is a person who judges his self-worth by how much or in what degree they annoy people. A new recruit could think that the DI is an annoyance, and he’d be right.”
“Can you enlighten us with additional examples?”
“For sure. Psychiatrists back in the 1960-70’s called it the Eddie Haskell syndrome, but that was before the advent of fake news. Back then people watched the news to get the news, not a bunch of lies. Who wants to waste their time listening to a bunch of lies?”
“So this American Indian Movement is, what?”
“A bunch of kids wanting to be in the white man’s world, and failing miserably, I might add.”
“And our time is, unfortunately, up and so, on behalf of the crew here, I’ll be wishing you all, as Roving says, a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: Roving’s treat.”
[Here’s part of my story: when I was a little kid, my grandfather’s best friend, Mr. Welty, a jack of all trades, used to take me into the Superstition Mountains where he taught me how to prospect for gold, and that’s when I discovered my amethyst mine, which led to the pure quart vein which in turn led to the gold vein. So here’s the point: I’m pretty 100% sure Mr. Welty knew where the Lost Dutchman’s Gold Mine was, or about where it was, and I asked him about it one day. He said Navajos, a sub-group of the Apache tribe, guarded it. I didn’t believe him until one day we were out prospecting when all of a sudden, standing before us, was an Indian, in traditional buckskins, holding a rifle across his chest. We put our right hands up, turned around and that was the last time we went prospecting in those parts.
Years later, as I was browsing in a library, I came across a book that described the modern-day search for the Dutchman’s mine and they had photos of the mountains and the trails, the same ones that I walked 40 years before. And you know what? They had it all wrong; in fact, they were looking on the wrong side of the valley.
Anyway, here’s the point: the Indians of today should respect their fathers and forefathers and respect the Constitution and not chase, as Hernando Cortez put it, ‘a disease the white man has that only gold can cure.’ Our president is Donald Trump and every Indian, like every American, should get on his knees and thank the Great Father that we have such a man as our leader.
And that’s all I want to say at this time. But I will say this: any money that was garnered by my mine has been donated anonymously to various Indian tribes throughout America.]
“Let There Be Drums” (2:20)