by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(Nov. 1, 2023) — “I Feel the Earth Move” (3:00)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. The last we saw of Henry, he was trapped in an elevator in the Federal Building in San Francisco. Let’s see how he escapes…
“Henry, still wearing his Mole disguise, made himself as inconspicuous as possible as he huddled in a corner. ‘Think, “Ball of dust!”’ Just then a cart carrying a used computer was wheeled in and Henry immediately propelled himself under some papers on the bottom shelf of the cart.
“Henry sat and took a deep breath as he weighed his options, which weren’t many: try and run in his Mole disguise or expose himself as ‘‘Henry: Secret Agent Mole!’ If he were caught in his Mole disguise he’d be shot as a spy, but if he were caught as ‘Henry: Secret Agent Mole!’ he’d be shot as a spy. What a dilemma! Let’s see what happens…
“Henry is hiding under some papers as he calls Professor Zorkophsky.”
“Hello.”
“Professor Zorkophsky, this is Henry. I need some help, some darn good advice really quick, like now.”
“That’s nice of you to call an old friend in time of need. But there’s no need to address me so formally, so why don’t you just call me ‘Zork.’ I think it’ll make for a more relaxing atmosphere; at least I’ve found that to be the case in my years of being interviewed on my many bestsellers, of which I have one now, on top of the charts, I’m proud to say. I’ll sell you a signed copy at a discount; free shipping.”
“Zork, I need help.”
“We all need help, Henry, which is why I recommend neighborhood Bible studies. There are lots of advantages, not the least of which is knowing who carries what ammunition. 9mm is fairly common, but the 5.56X45 is the winner besides the .22. Everybody has a .22. But then the 30.06 is nice, a must-have. I was offered to buy my rifle in Boot Camp for $300, but I was making $26 a month. I should’ve borrowed the money.”
“Bible studies to talking guns?”
“Jesus never said to go through life stupid.”
“That is true. Now, getting back to the problem at hand.”
“My advice is to use your cape to its greatest advantage.”
“Yes, I’ll do that. Anything else?”
“The open border will destroy our Republic. We are inviting THOUSANDS who hate our guts, who will NEVER assimilate and will tell you to your face what you can do with our Constitution. We have home-grown idiots who think of George Floyd other than a total loser, of a drug-induced bully, someone who was on the fast track to die either the day he died or shortly thereafter by a shop owner or drug dealer.
“We have people who destroyed statues who aren’t in prison, nor have they made restitution. We have thousands of county employees who cheated in the 2020 election who haven’t even been arrested, let alone asked if they want a blindfold. We have half of America so naive that it thinks the Muslims will only go after the Jews and leave the Christians alone.
“We have half the population who can’t connect the dots between human trafficking, the cartels and campaign donations. We have the most morally depraved individuals who are in positions to do good but have been and continually to do irreparable harm: the attorney general, Merrick Garland, and DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas. These two individuals violate their Oath to protect our country every day and, if anyone in our country deserves to be punished for the crime of embarrassing their ethnicity, it’s those two. Chief New Leaf told me there isn’t a punishment yet designed to accommodate those two properly, and then he gave me a wink and said, ‘We’ll give ‘em to the Cheyenne women.’”
“I have to make my escape now. Wish me luck!”
“Will Henry make his escape? Tune into the next exciting episode to find out. I think it’s a safe bet we need to close the border yesteryear. Closing the border and deporting the illegal immigrants needs to be on every government ‘To Do’ list; don’t you agree? Like now.
“Last thought is, or at least should be, a wake-up call to all. Do any of you have an inkling how far down the tubes our country has gone? You praise our police; good for you. You praise our police while Baltimore burns, on television, no less. Prime time. Same with Minneapolis. Meanwhile, the police stand around and talk about the overtime. AND THEN the Jews are threatened and the cops, and the Feds, and Mayorkas stand around and talk about retirement. Jews are being threatened! Isn’t anyone paying attention?!
“I’m off my soapbox now. I’m on the ground and I’m telling you we’ve gone too far. We have Muslims in our government, in our military and in our country. NOT ACCEPTABLE. We have ships, planes, and trains to toss every one of them O-U-T, and I mean now. I’m serious. If Trump would name Henry as the Secretary of Defense, Henry would guarantee there will not be one Muslim within the borders of the United States within one year, so help him God.
“Have you given it a moment’s thought about those Jewish students who were targeted? That’s how it starts, and it just gets worse, never better. It doesn’t ‘go away’; it escalates and then the killing starts. Meanwhile, our police stand around and do what the mayors tell them to do: NOTHING. Standing around and not deporting is just as bad as doing nothing. What’s the next step, escorting the Jews to the camps, and then the Union leaders, and then the clergy, and then the Christians? We need to put a stop to it because IT’S ALREADY OUT OF HAND.
“You heard me: we’re over the edge, we’re past the tipping point because Mayorkas said yesterday they will not arrest anyone, nor will they deport any Muslim who is in our country on a visa who took part in a pro-Hamas and ‘Let’s kill all the Jews’ demonstration. Mayorkas needs to be tarred and feathered.
“It’s already started and, if you sit around and don’t say anything, you might as well go out and rent a police officer Halloween costume and go stand around and do nothing, just as the Secretary of Homeland Security does: NOTHING. Bottom line is Mayorkas is totally worthless.”
“I Honestly Love You” (3:39)