by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(Apr. 30, 2023) — “Crossroads Sweet Melissa” (3:33)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. We’re at Madam Shylock’s Fortunetelling Emporium in Cassadaga, Florida to interview Henry who is lounging next to the pond in the middle of town.”
“Pool.”
“Pardon me?”
“You said I was lounging next to a ‘pond’; wrong. This is my ‘pool’ and that’s my pad.”
“Okay, ‘pool,’ but it looks like a pond. Ever see a frog in a pool?”
“You’re looking at one.”
“We are going to take a short break while I catch my breath.”
“Cotton Fields” (2:17)
“And we’re back with Henry who is about to say something important, right?”
“Right as rain, Roving. I am now back on the campaign trail for Trump as his Secretary of Defense to put our country back on track. The methods that I’ll employ may seem draconian to some, but I’ll guarantee results and, since the opportunity to play nice and not hurt anyone’s feeling has long passed, all I can say is, ‘Too bad.’ I will do whatever needs to be done to achieve the desired results. Yes, Roving, you have a question?”
“Not for me as much as it is for our viewers. Where is this ‘campaign trail?’”
“It’s a figure of speech, Roving. Ever hear someone say, ‘I could eat a horse?’ Same thing.”
“So there’s no such thing.”
“Not in the physical sense as much as in the ‘thinking sense.’”
“Are you trying to tell us that you’re thinking of being the Secretary of Defense?”
“You bet, and I’ll do it with common sense and a gun.”
“You’ll use a gun?”
“For emphasis purposes only, mind you.”
“Really?”
“Almost true. I would send our elite troops over to Africa to wipe out the Muslim gangs who go around kidnapping and killing Christians, or maybe I’d visit them with a missile; that would work, too.”
“You might start a war.”
“Not by killing the bad guys, I won’t. Picture this: Army battalions going into Chicago and rounding up all the bad ones and doing the same in the whole State of California. Just do it and get it done and, by the way, bring back the Draft.”
“You won’t be very popular.”
“You think I care? Do you, for one New York minute, think I give a croak what anybody thinks of me? Get real. My job will get the job done for President Trump; I’ll take the heat and let him take the credit. I don’t need any perks or pay; just give me the opportunity to help save our country.”
“Wish you the best, Henry, I really do. And we’ll be on your side of the fence, for sure.”
“Thank you, and when Trump wins, all the innocent Jan. Sixers (2:24) will be freed by President Trump (3:30) as soon as his hand leaves the Bible. I also think we ought to get out of NATO if they don’t expel Turkey, and there’s a few other things I’d push for.”
“I’m sure there are and so this is the time when I thank our audience for watching and, on behalf of Henry, a goodnight to all: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger and fly time: my treat.”
“Goodbye to Love” (3:56)
Roving Reporter