by Roving Reporter, ©2022

(Dec. 30, 2022) — “Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song” (3:26)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Ever since Henry threw his hat into the ring, we have been swamped with requests for an interview and so… I give you Henry, our next president.”

“Earth calling Roving. Get real: with all the crooked judges throughout the USA, the day of any election being halfway honest is over. The chances of me becoming the next president are one big fat zero, same as Trump’s. You can’t expect people with ‘no standing’ to suddenly somehow miraculously get ‘standing’; it just doesn’t happen.”


“Because people believe whatever they’re told to believe. Take ‘voter ID’ for example. Everybody has an ID, so the ID subject is out of the equation, but if the Fake News says voter ID is too complicated and racist, they believe it and swallow the ‘stupid pill.’”

“Stupid pill? What the heck is the ‘stupid pill?’”

“’Russian Collusion’ and ‘China is our friend’; really, any platform the women on ‘The View push.”

“They’re wrong?”



“Without fail, 100% wrong about every subject imaginable, and even the subjects that we haven’t or can’t imagine they’re wrong about. Hunter Biden’s laptop they’re wrong about; the Holocaust they’re wrong about; and they’re wrong about us ‘election deniers.’

“I’m sure our viewers are curious where you’re from and how you learned to speak English, but first we have to hear from our sponsors; be right back, so don’t go anywhere.”

West Side Story: Tonight” (3:56)

“And we’re back with Henry who is a frog that speaks English. So, Henry, where are you from; which distant planet or galaxy did you come from?”

“Hoboken, New Jersey, at the ‘Hoffa Pond’; at least I think so; that, or somewhere in the Andromeda Galaxy.”

“I see. So, you’re some type of ambassador, is that correct?”

“Yes, I am the eyes and ears on the ground for our ruler Zyklon.”

“You said ‘our ruler’; does that mean my ruler also?”

“Yes, that it does. I think it’s a ‘God’ thing: we have paradise, but we sure make a mess of it.”

“In what way?”

“Well, you have the Constitution, perhaps the most beautiful document ever written, and you treat it like dirt. I think Zyklon would like to give you some advice, but he is of the opinion to let you mess up a perfectly good thing all by yourselves, and from the looks of it you’re doing a pretty darn good job.  Why, I mean, you couldn’t get a better Bozo from central casting than Joe Biden, right? I’m right, aren’t I, so what do you need me for?”

“To help us make things right, that’s what.”

“How? Not by getting elected; won’t happen. You had the defacto Barry Soetoro, aka Obama, for two terms and didn’t do diddly about it, so what makes you think you can conduct an honest election anywhere? You can’t. You want to talk about crooked judges? Look no farther than Arizona, my friend.”

“You got me there.”

“Your crooked, incompetent judges in Arizona who rule American citizens have no standing are in the gutter with child molesters, rapists, and murderers. If you don’t have any standing then you don’t have anything, which is exactly what you have: nothing. You think you live in a Republic, but you really live in a cooperation called the Federal Reserve that’s been taking you all for a ride, and I’m just along for it.”

“Along for what?”

“Why, the ride.”

“So why run for president?”

“Hard not to pass up the chance to tell the truth, so that’s what I’m doing. The government is not our government; we’ve been taken over by the Deep State and it’s up to you, me and everyone else who loves America to take it back by whatever means necessary.”

“Are you advocating violence?”

“I am advocating Biden, Obama, Hillary, McConnell and all the rest of the turncoats behind bars, maybe after they’ve all been tarred and feathered.”

“We don’t do that anymore.”

“That’s right, you don’t punish wrong-doers anymore. You let child molesters, rapists, murderers and crooked DA’s and judges walk; I forgot. You used to execute the bad guys; now you give them Food Stamps. You used to deport illegal immigrants; now you give them housing and cash money. You used to punish sloth; now you reward Affirmative Action. Rather than progressing, America is regressing to anarchy.”

“Sounds rather harsh.”

“But it’s the truth. You talk the talk but somehow never get around to walk the walk. Why is that? Are you a bunch of ‘fraidy cats who like the sound of your own voice? At least Trump spoke the truth, something you’ll never hear from Biden and never did hear from Obama: ‘You can keep your doctor.’ Obamacare was a bill of goods, just like the so-called pandemic. Who needs the Taliban when you’ve got Lisa Murkowski and Lindsey Graham?”

“Good point. So, you are, after all, a frog.”

“So what? What do you think Harry Reid was, a saint? Or ‘Mr. New World Order’ ‘Bush the Elder?’”

“Another good point.”

“Look, I’m talking about scams. The UN’s ‘Oil for Food’; ‘Affordable Healthcare’; ‘Ukraine’; and our ‘Open Borders: We welcome sex trafficking and Fentanyl, thank you very much.’ I want to see Hillary’s tax returns on the money she made off of Libya, don’t you?”

“For sure, but not the audience of ‘The View.’

“The audience of ‘The View’ never heard of the Deep State but have heard of ‘election deniers’; they have never heard of ‘recession’ but have heard of inheriting Trump’s (fictitious) financial fiascos, which is why gas is over the top and going higher; and they actually believe that Katie Hobbs of Arizona is a halfway rational human being when, in fact, she’s as wacko* as a bedpost.”

“What should be done with her?”

“Truthfully? Put her in a cage and go around from town to town to let people throw rotten tomatoes at her for the rest of her life.”

“That seems fair, especially since she violated her Oath to our Constitution.”

“And do the same with everyone who had a hand in our government’s Jan. 6 Committee. Matter of fact, put Liz Cheney and Hobbs in the same cage. Pay down the National Debt.”

“Sounds reasonable. We’re running out of time. How did you learn to speak English?”

“Watching TV. Listen, let’s get serious. Every day that you allow the illegal Jan. 6 Committee to operate drives the USA closer and closer to all-out total destruction that there’ll be no going back from. Every day the Jan. 6 Committee is destroying the country. Sure, losers like Katie Hobbs are bad, but the Jan. 6 Committee spells the end of the Republic, and I mean the end for good.”

“Yes, I see your point. Well, this has been a very enlightening and entertaining interview and I just wish it could’ve gone on a lot longer.”

“Catch me on the campaign trail.”

“We’ll do our best, I’m sure. Oh, by the way, good luck.”

“Don’t need luck but votes counted honestly. We don’t want to end up like the CCP, now, do we?”

“Right on and so, on behalf of our featured guest, Henry, this is your Roving Reporter wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. I’ll have a cheeseburger and Madam Shylock sent you some fresh fly.”

[*Wacko: And dishonest. Somebody ought to do a citizen’s arrest on her.]

’O Holy Night” (3:45)

Roving Reporter

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