by Chief New Leaf, ©2021

(Jul. 20, 2021) — Last Date” (2:30)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. As you can see, we’re at the bookstore across the street from the ball park with James Hill, the proud owner. Welcome to the show, Mr. Hill.”

“Glad to be on ‘Pulse.‘ I must thank Pulse for airing many of your Professor Zorkophsky’s book signings at my store.”

“Speaking for Pulse,’ you’re entirely welcome, Mr. Hill. I remember you have a son; what’s his name, Josh? He must be finishing high school pretty soon.”

“Where you been? He just finished college with a degree in Media Production. Matter of fact, I’m backing his new movie, ‘Squirm One.’

“Sounds really interesting, but could you elaborate a tad and let us know what it’s all about?”

“Oh, sure. A bunch of college kids ride around and target people driving with masks on. The kids pull up next to them, put down their windows and pretend to cough at them. You’d be amazed how many masks drive off the road, and some even have crashed so they toned it down a notch by not lowering the windows, but they still cough at them and the masked idiots still run off the road.”

“Sounds really exciting. So, what, is it a comedy or a documentary?”

“Well, it’s just a real-life film with a music background and commentary by a Veteran, which turned out to be hilarious since he brings all of his Navy training front and center.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s a degree of sarcasm that can only be learned from first-hand experience. Can’t be learned from books or conversation; it has to experienced first-hand to be believed and therefore passed on with total acceptance.”

“Got it. So where do we see the film?”

“Soon to be released is all I know.”

“Fair enough, James. Excuse us, please, while we take a short commercial break.”

Bless the Beasts and the Children” (3:14)

“James had to leave to take some orders so we’ll just move outside. Wait, are those gunshots? Sounds like the ‘Yak-yak-yak’ of a VC to me. Maybe we’ll stay inside and wander around over to the history section. And, lucky us, there is someone here. Excuse me, please, Chief Leaf for ‘Pulse,’ the most popular information show in its time slot. Got time to answer a few questions?”

“You bet I do. They’re starting a little bit earlier every day; have you noticed that? Won’t be long ‘til we’ll be waking up to gunfire. Mayor doesn’t back the cops so who can blame them for staying hunkered down in their fortresses.”

“Fortresses?”

“Police stations.”

“So you were just walking by — oh, a dog. Hello, nice dog.”

“She says hi. Her name is Molly.”

“That’s our secretary’s name.”

“She can tell the weather, you know. She’ll let me know that it’s time for a walk and she’s got it timed that we get back just as it starts to rain. Never fails, and after twelve years she’s never been wrong.”

“You ought to put her on TV.”

“They’d never believe me.”

“You got a point. So you ended up in the ‘history’ section of the store.”

“Well, it’s where she led me. See this leash? I just follow it: she leads.”

“Is she a Republican or a Dem?”

“Since she gets excited whenever Trump is on TV, I have to say she’s a Trumpster, just like me.”

“Same color hair.”

“Now ain’t that the truth? First time since JFK did we have an Alpha male, and now look at us. Pathetic is all I can say.”

“Mind if I ask what you do for a living?”

“No, not at all. I’m a ‘Conductor Apprentice Mentor,’ commonly called a CAM.”

“Never heard of it.”

“That’s too bad because I could sure use the business.”

“What does a CAM do?”

“I’m glad you asked. First of all, I teach home schooling on how to be a conductor. There are three levels before you’re allowed to conduct a full orchestra. Matter of fact, if you pass my course a philharmonic orchestra in one of our big cities will give you an audition.”

“No way.”

“True. Let’s say you’ve always wanted to conduct Tchaikovsky’s ‘1812‘; well, here’s your chance. You just have to take the course and that’s all there is to it.”

“Is it expensive?”

“Well, to start you have to have an approved podium with safety rail, and then an approved baton. Now the ‘True Apprentice’ model baton is pretty expensive but well worth it.”

“How so?”

“Because all of our apprentice batons have actually been used in conducting a symphony. Why, just last week a new student bought Arthur Fielder‘s baton that was used for a Mozart piece performed by The Boston Pops in 1982.”

“How much did that sell for?”

“Three thousand dollars, but some of that money goes to charity, of course.”

“So how much does it cost to become a conductor and have a chance at conducting a real live orchestra?”

“We like to do it in weekly payments over an extended time period.”

“Has anybody actually passed the course and conducted a real live major orchestra?”

“Not yet.”

“What about a small orchestra?”

“Soon.”

“What about a quartet?”

“In the works.”

“Well, it sure sounds promising, and thanks for taking the time to talk with us.”

“I’d like to add something, if I may?”

“Go ahead.”

“Trump was the greatest conductor of our nation since sliced bread and the Dems never knew they had it so good, and now look at them, running for cover, running for the slimy rocks that they crawled out from under, the swamp creatures. Ever see the movie The Creature from the Black Lagoon? Ever notice the resemblance between the creature in the movie and Rashida Tlaib? I rest my case.”

“Thank you for your accurate insight, and with that we’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”

[All kidding aside, the wrath of the Sleeping Giant is from people just like me who have had it up to here and it wouldn’t take much more to set it off; trust me. As far as any government employees are concerned, including the military and law enforcement, you’re going to have to choose between supporting the Constitution or your paycheck. Makes no difference to me what you decide, but you’d be betting a whole lot more than your bottom dollar.]

[FYI: Nobody at ‘The Pulse of the Nation’ wears a mask or will get a ‘let’s induce a brain-clot shot.’  Madam Shylock will not tell a person’s fortune wearing a mask, no matter how much money they lay on the table. Unlike the chairman of our Joint Chiefs of Staff, she can’t be bought off.]

[Little People are somewhere in the area of the Sawnee campground near the Buford Dam in northeast Georgia. They are in good spirits and ready to go as soon as President Trump gives the word. Meanwhile, stop by to say hello and let them know how much they are truly appreciated by patriots young and old.]

Happy Together” (2:57)

Chief New Leaf

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