by Roving Reporter, ©2022
(Nov. 7, 2022) — “A Lesson in Leaving” (3:00)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Let’s get right to it. First, thank you for all the cards from you well-wishers praying for Henry’s swift hop back to the rat race. Second, thank you for all the warnings about the VAX; I assure you, Henry will not buy the government’s lies about, well, come to think of it, about everything. With us is the person who has been looking after Henry, Madam Shylock. Let’s cut to the chase: how is Henry doing? Will he make it?”
“He’s doing just fine. His appetite is good, and he lay in the sun this morning. He even asked for seconds when I fed him fresh centipede.”
“Whew; he really had us worried.”
“No need. I think his ‘Frogtentious’ is a mental condition brought on by my success as a fortune-teller. I think he liked what he saw and wanted to boot.”
“What actually is ‘Frogtentious,’ by the way?”
“Well, only frogs get it, and they got to have a mighty big ego, too. It makes them go around and tell omens, is what it does.”
“So, it’s a brain thing?”
“Oh, yes.”
“You mean he goes around telling omens, like ‘If you want it to rain, wash your car’ kind of thing?”
“More like, ‘If you vote Dem, you just shot yourself in the foot’ kind of thing.”
“When will Henry be back on his feet?”
“Soon.”
“Glad to hear it. Just curious, but has he ever said anything why Dems hate our Constitution?”
“Well, he said that Muslims and Communists hate America, if that counts.”
“It does, but has he ever said why Americans hate America?”
“I don’t think they even know, although Professor Zorkophsky has a theory about it.”
“I didn’t know that. Care to tell us about it?”
“Zork says that because they feel left out of the anti-war protests of the ‘60’s, you know, ‘Hanoi Jane,’ ‘ Kent State,’ and ‘Baby Killers,’ they’re looking for an excuse to be part of a protest that they feel was the right thing to do back then, if that makes any sense, and shouting meaningless phrases like, ‘Orange man bad’ would be to miss an opportunity of a lifetime.”
“Like ‘making memories’ and pretending to be young and irresponsible is a desirable trait and the heck with the facts, is that it?”
“Close enough.”
“Well, that’s good news, that Henry will be up hopping around real soon. Thanks for stopping by with the medical update. Let’s break for a commercial.”
“Not Too Long Ago” (2:20)
“Okay, we’re back with Sadie Goldman who is the Republican head honcho for the area. I guess you’re pretty excited about the election.”
“But of course, but I wish the Republicans would just shut up. We want MAGA people to vote for MAGA candidates. We don’t want to ‘work with Biden’ or ‘across the aisle.’”
“Good for you. Anything else?”
“Well, besides we don’t want anything to do with the Dems, or Biden, or Hillary, or electric cars or Omar and Newsom, I guess that’s it.”
“We’ve got a little time; how about giving us a little more?”
“Okay. The Dems missed the mark. They went for abortion when it’s the open border; the Dems went for electric cars when it’s crime on the streets; the Dems supported Liz Cheney when they should’ve been after the real insurrectionists, VP Mike Pence and Nancy Pelosi; the Dems should’ve been concerned about the readiness of our military instead of CRT and getting our troops VAXXED; in short, the Dems lost out on every political plank possible, and some that were not, such as the ’The Laptop from Hell,’ ‘Russian Collusion’ and sending money to the troublemakers in Ukraine.”
“That’s good. How about one more?”
“The Dems care about ‘Climate Change’ when they should show a little concern about inflation.”
“Keystone Pipeline?”
“You got it.”
“Good for you, and that’s all the time we have. Thank you for watching: Goodnight.”
“Good show. Burger time: Goodnight.”
“Nobody in His Right Mind” (2:52)