by Roving Reporter, ©2022
“(Apr. 30, 2022) — Sugar Sugar” (2:57)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Today we have a real treat for everyone: Chief New Leaf was in our neck of the woods and stopped in unannounced, which works out fine because our invited guest just disinvited herself for fear of repercussions from the government for which she works. I wonder if she was afraid of being fired or becoming a victim of a ‘wet-job’*. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ Chief, the most-watched information show in its time slot.”
“Glad to be here, Roving. I just came by to drop off a letter I’d like to share with you that I wrote to a real-to-goodness loony-tune, Nina Jankowicz.”
“Better yet, why don’t you just read it to us?”
“Fair enough; here goes:
“Dear Misinformation Czar, Nina Jackowicz;
“I’m Chief New Leaf, an unofficial mouthpiece for the tribes of our Native American Indians who were so foolish to sign treaties with a government that, for mysterious reasons, fails to keep its word. I must interject that it has been very difficult to make any long-term plans with a government that keeps changing the rules in the middle of the game.
“I’ll get to the chase: never in our combined history have we heard that lies will become the truth and the truth will be censored. Your so-called ‘Ministry of Truth’ is just another sad example of Fake News, and we’re not having it.
“The election was a fraud, the ‘laptop from hell’ is the truth and only Biden is responsible for the gas price hikes and the inflation that is crippling our economy. We will not allow you to pass a lie as the truth; we will censor you and any other government entity that acts likewise.
“You are nothing more than the sum of your left-wing indoctrination that has rendered you a worthless human being with an acute case of ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome’ that, according to Professor Zorkophsky is, and I quote: ‘a case so egregious that makes Liz Cheney seem almost half-normal.’
“You can’t debate me because I come equipped to the match with facts; you can’t sensor me, for the truth has a life of its own, as you are about to discover either in a moment of euphoric (truthful) understanding or doubts will creep in on your way to the showers, the showers that you helped build. Here’s enlightenment: what you may wish upon others may very well be visited upon yourself.
“Obviously, the concept and the living of the Golden Rule has no meaning for you; I might as well be talking Greek. You are being used; your life is beyond redemption, and you will be tossed aside, never to feel empathy, if you ever felt it in the first place. Truth is stronger than fiction, something to consider.
“Your parents and teachers failed you; your acquaintances have failed you and your blind belief in Socialism has dulled you senses so much that you speak by rote: going mindlessly through the motions and for what? For a corrupt administration that values itself on how much misery it can inflict on the memory of the dead at Arlington National Cemetery, that’s what.
“I ran into Rook Dunkin on the way here, and he said if anyone was going to bypass Limbo and go straight to Treachery**, it is you. Come to think of it, that’s where you are now.
“Good luck with all of this,
“Chief New Leaf.”
“And that’s it.”
“And I think it’s great and we’ve run out of time. And so, on behalf of the Chief, this is your Roving Reporter wishing each of you (with notable exceptions) a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Great letter, Chief. Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
“Bolero” (1:01)
[*’wet-job’: In the halls of the FBI, also known as assisted suicide or ‘Clintoned.’]
[**Treachery: Shared with Trump’s backstabbing VP, Mike Pence.]
“Till I Kissed You” (3:30)
Roving Reporter