by Professor Zorkophsky, ©2022
(Mar. 24, 2022) — ACT I
House lights dim as the curtain rises to the music of ‘Piano Piece in F-Sharp Major, S. 193‘ by Liszt, ends. The stage is set as the midway of a small-town carnival. We see a cotton candy stand, guess-the-weight man, strike-the-target and ring-the-bell attraction, and, at the end (stage left) is a tent with the words, “The Inferno: Rides $1, NO REFUNDS for DISSATISFACTION.”
Entering from stage right are two teenagers, June and Skip, holding hands while eating ice-cream cones.
“Oh, Skip, are you going to ring the bell for me?”
“Maybe later; look down yonder at that tent.”
“You mean the ‘NO REFUNDS?’”
“Yes; want to?”
“Let’s do it.”
Curtain lowers.
ACT II
The curtain rises to the music of Mantovani’s ‘Canadian Sunset‘ (2:59). The stage is set as the inside of the tent, the foyer part. On a raised platform is a man of indeterminate age dressed in a black frock coat, similar to those worn by 1870’s undertakers.
“Welcome to The Inferno. You must be an adult to take the tour but, since business is somewhat slow in this Podunk town, you’re cordially invited; that’ll be $2.00, if you please.”
“Are any of your customers ever disappointed?”
“You’ll be the first; now, if you’ll step behind the curtain you’ll begin your journey, starting near the bottom.”
“Why not at the top?”
“Too boring. Who cares about shoplifters and candy thieves? No, we go to the heart of what people want to know. Come on, let’s get started. Watch your step as you step into the ride. Now off you go. Enjoy the ride.”
Curtain lowers.
ACT III
The curtain rises as ‘In the Hall of the Mountain King’ (2:41) by Edvard Grieg ends. We see the tracked ride – looks like a one-horse sleigh – carrying June and Skip, who enter from stage right. The back of the stage is set as the last remaining levels of purgatory, the first being Generals sending their troops on suicide missions, or presidents abandoning their responsibility to their own and their allies, and abandoning weapons of war, and it goes down from there.
“Are we allowed to ask questions?”
“By all means; ask away.”
“When you say ‘president,’ do you mean an American one?”
“Ah, a technicality; I should’ve added ‘pretenders.’ The people who inhabit this level are the liars and backstabbers. Untrustworthy worthless souls. Many politicians are found here. Now we come to the next level down: men who prey on women.”
“Does the size of the door mean what I think it means?”
“Yes, I’m afraid so. Pretty crowded in there, along with all those who torture animals.”
“Where are the murderers?”
“Those are next.”
“Not last?”
“No, not last, not by a long shot.”
“So, if murderers and torturers aren’t last, who is?”
“You can judge any group of people by how well they protect the children, and that’s the bottom line. No excuses. The ride is over; exit to your left.”
“I thought it would be longer; I mean, I don’t know if it was worth the money.”
“Something to think about; something to ponder as you send your first-born off to school.”
Curtain lowers to Elvis singing ‘If I Can Dream’ (2:21).
FINI