by Roving Reporter, ©2022
(Jan. 18, 2022) — “Cowboy Man” (2:50)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. And guess who has yet another bestselling book, none other than our very own psychiatrist, psychoanalyst and frequent guest host of ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot, a good friend to us all who has once again graced us with his presence, always eager to hawk his latest layman’s armchair psychiatry textbook, the eminent scholarly Professor Zorkophsky.”
“Glad to be here, Roving, but I think if you would call me ‘Zork’ it would make for a more relaxing atmosphere and, by the way, thank you for such a flattering and in-depth introduction.”
“It’s a deal, Zork, and you’re most cordially welcome. So, how in the heck did you get Liz Cheney to come in for a session?”
“Oh, no, and I’m sorry if I misled you in any way, I wouldn’t have that crazy woman within a mile of my practice. It is true that I treat nuts, but I will not, and never have, treated an actual crazy person in my office.”
“But you treat nuts, I mean, PTSD patients.”
“Look, there’s a distinct difference between a ‘nut’ and a ‘denier’: a nut can recognize reality, whereas a person who is a certified denier suffers from a multitude of grievous wounds to their psyche who, in all truth, requires professional treatment.”
“So Liz Cheney is one of those who need the services of a profession shrink, such as yourself?”
“No doubt about it. As a rule, I don’t psychoanalyze from a distance, but, to tell the truth, I wouldn’t be in the same room with that crazy lady unless she was in a strait-jacket padlocked to the floor while in an escape-proof cage, maybe one designed for a gorilla.”
“What do you think is wrong with her?”
“Besides a severe case of ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome,’ she has an acute belief that people listen to her.”
“So what’s her cure?”
“I recommend that she keeps her mouth shut and resign immediately, for her own good as well as ours.”
“Well-said, Zork, and it’s time for a break; don’t go anywhere.”
“All My Rowdy Friends” (3:56)
“Zork took off do some book signing, but we’re here with — am I reading this card right, Mr. Ziffer?”
“Mr. Ziffer Blank is my name, but you can call me Brad.”
“Very well, Brad; what have you got for us?”
“Nothing but the obvious: our Department of Homeland Security is in pretty sad shape. Years ago I applied for a job there and saved the pamphlet they handed out for prospective employees. Here, this is a copy I made for you.”
“Thanks. Let’s see now: Requirement Number One says they prefer non-high school graduates who have their credit cards maxed-out, preferably three or more, but no more than seven. Requirement Number Two asks the question if they have or ever had a library card. I guess they don’t want the best; am I right?”
“No, you are wrong. They want the very best to do the job for which they are hired: let in the ones who will hurt the American way of life the most and the worst, from living off Welfare from generation to generation; to killing whites and Infidels; ‘rape gangs’ to knifing; shooting and blowing up churches and synagogues, like what just took place in Texas.”
“So you don’t think the Department of Homeland Security is doing their job?”
“On the contrary, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you: they are doing their job. I mean, look at CAIR and the Muslim Brotherhood operating openly in our country where these same organizations have been outlawed in other counties, some of them even Muslim countries, such as Egypt.”
“”We’re that stupid?”
“We’re that gullible, as in believing Islam is a religion when, in fact, Islam is a political doctrine that is based on the belief that the murder of innocents is acceptable behavior. What happened in Texas is just the prelude of Biden’s catastrophic Afghanistan failure.”
“Well-said, and that brings us to another break; be right back.”
“Brand New Key” (2:23)
“Next up is John, a disgruntled applicant for a clerkship at our highest court. Welcome, and what say you?”
“I say I miss you back on the corner, under the awning across from the railroad depot, but time marches on or, as they say, ‘the only thing constant in the universe is change.’”
“That’s right, we had a pretty good gig going in the burb of the big city, but the whole state just got too dangerous for interviewee and interviewer alike. So, anything to say to our viewing audience?”
“Maybe judges will choose clerks who aren’t closet flaming liberals, but let’s not hold our breath. No, I just want to make a comment about our FBI, like maybe pink-slip the whole lot of them and good riddance.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Remember after ‘The Cheap Suit’ (Barry Soetoro, aka Obama) weaseled into office, the FBI had a report warning about Jihad attacks and then any reference about Muslims being Muslims were scrubbed: the word ’jihad’ erased from the lexicon of the FBI, the very department that’s supposed to protect us from the psychos.”
“Yes, we even did a report on that very subject, like if you don’t say the word ‘jihad’ somehow it magically disappears; can you believe it?”
“Yes, the Fake News is very persuasive. Sorry, have to skedaddle: people to meet. Thanks for having me on.”
“And thank you for being on, John; see you around. I’d like to share an observation with you: Took the dog for a walk this morning and it was the time when the warming sun was hitting the snow and ice on the tops of the pine trees. When we started the walk it was 22 degrees and on the way back it was already up to 30, but what was rather unique was the sound of the snow and ice falling through the pine needles on the way to the ground: not all at once but a little from the tree on my left, and then one behind me, then in front. It was a symphony of the sound of angel wings fluttering softly as I walked my dog, very surreal and enjoyable, the whole forest joining in and, for symbols, a large branch breaking off and tumbling to the ground with a kettle drum’s BOOM! Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
[Little People report: apparently targeting those exempt from the ‘The Jab.’]
“Where is Your Heart” (3:20)
Roving Reporter