by Professor Zorkophsky, ©2021
(Jul. 15, 2021) — “O Bury Me Not on the Lone Prairie” (2:52)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the place to hear it here first. With us is Henry from the pond across the street from Madam Shylock, who has so graciously agreed to interview me for writing my latest best seller: ‘It is We who are the Aliens.’”
“I’m sorry, Professor Zorkophsky, I didn’t even know you wrote another bestseller. What’s it about?”
“Great question and I’m so glad you asked it. But before we go any deeper into hawking my book, I would like you to address me as ‘Zork’ since I feel it makes for a more relaxing atmosphere.”
“Okay, Zork, what’s it all about?”
“Well, the basic premise is that we are not who we think we are. I mean, there’s a lot of us searching for alien life forms when all they have to do is to look in the mirror. We are, believe it or not, monsters and, to top it off, we’re Alien Monsters.”
“Look, don’t get me wrong; I mean, why not, right? Would you mind telling our audience how you came about this rather strange theory?”
“Well, I don’t think it’s a theory at all; I believe it with all my heart. I mean, I wrote the book.”
“We know you wrote the book, but what prompted you to write the book? Did you have a fall or something?”
“No, no, nothing like that. You know I’m a psychiatrist, right? So I study the brain and then I realized that our brain, our actual brain that is in our heads, has part of it outside our skull.”
“No way; for real?”
[Here’s where Molly throws in a commercial.]
“Canadian Sunset” (3:01)
“Part of the human brain comes out in the nose, at the back, believe it or not. Now the consensus is that these ‘feelers’ (my term) assist in identifying smells and tastes, but maybe there are other reasons for our brain to be so unprotected, even though these feelers are guarded by the nose.”
“And so that makes the human race ‘Aliens.’”
“That’s right; I break it down to ‘those who get it’ and ‘those who will never have a clue.’”
“Try again.”
“Those who can reason and those who can’t; those who know Barry Soetoro (aka Obama) is a fraud vs. those who think Obama is ‘the father of our country’; those who didn’t cry when Hillary lost vs. those who suffer from ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome’; those who think that Biden-Harris are prime candidates for a very long stay at GITMO vs. those who believe that this was the ‘most honest election ever.’”
“Okay, okay. What next? I mean, how can you identify one of those?”
“One of those what?”
“”I mean you can’t, like, go around and look up people’s noses, right?”
“No, come to think of it, you can’t. But you can still tell an Obot from a normal human being.”
“How, or do they have a discernible Oedipus complex that we lay people can detect?”
“No, nothing that stands out. I suppose the best way to expose the crazy ones among us is to say, ‘Hey, you hear about Trump?’ And they say something like, ‘No, what about him?’ And then you answer: ‘He won.’”
“The word ‘ballistic’ comes to mind. Do you have other tidbits of wisdom in your book?”
“Well, I named Chapter 17 ‘The Birth of Ebonics’ where I tell the story of the beginning.”
“Let’s hear it.”
“So this married guy gets home a little late and tiptoes into the bedroom quiet as a mouse, but the wife wakes up and says, ‘You woke me up.’ So the husband says, ‘No way: I was quiet as a mouse.’ So the wife comes back with, ‘More like a whole bunch of mouses.’”
“Now that is interesting. Do you have the exact date and location of your ‘Birth of Ebonics Mouse Story?’”
“Not the date but the location was Oakland, California.”
“Somehow I knew you were going to say that. Well, good luck on your new book, Zork.”
“Thank you, Henry. By the way, have heard from Zyklon lately?”
“Just this morning, matter of fact. Zyklon says. ‘Hello, Zork Earthling; enjoy your reporting the facts.’”
“Now wasn’t that nice? Okay, we hawked my new book so, on behalf of Henry, this is Zork wishing all of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show, Henry. Here are some fresh flies on this flytrap; burgers for everyone else: my treat.”
[Little People report: The paratroopers are on the train heading for Georgia and are in good spirits. The train just passed through Aberdeen, Maryland, heading south, and they would feel really proud if you would wave as they go by, if any of you could. Maybe they will be passing out discount vouchers for Henry firearms, but I don’t know for sure. What I do know is that Santa Claus may bring me a .308 Long Ranger rifle; now wouldn’t that be something? My wife says I have enough guns; can you believe it? Crazy woman. That’s like saying, ‘You have enough fresh water or you have enough ammo or you had enough good meals in your life.’ Nuts.]
[About Biden’s speech the other day: Didn’t you just love it? If anybody could have made our side any clearer, I sure as heck can’t imagine who. I laughed all the way through, especially when he kept saying it was the most scrutinized election ever. Gee whiz, Joe, I wonder why. Ever think it’s because it’s the most corrupt election ever? 200,000 more votes than there are registered voters in Pennsylvania alone, and that Judas Mike Pence certified the results, the backstabbing traitor.]
“I Can’t See Texas From Here” (2:29)
Professor “Trash your masks” Zorkophsky