by Roving Reporter, ©2025
(Mar. 3, 2025) — “Tonight” (2:42)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Henry is on assignment somewhere in the Adirondacks in upper New York responding to an invitation sent by the ‘Little People.’ Hello, Henry? How do you read me?”
“Hello, Roving, loyal viewers and readers of ‘The P&E.’ I hear you very clearly, thank you. As you can see, I’m riding on the train; actually I’m riding in a Lionel gondola and we’re approaching the station. I brought along the ‘Lady Frog Can-Can Review’ to break the ice, so to speak. I mean, maybe they haven’t seen too many talking frogs, you know what I mean?”
“Yes, I think we do. I mean, the shock of a talking frog took a little time to get used to, but we managed and I’m sure they will, too. I think you could swallow any of them with one gulp, isn’t that right?”
“Yes, that’s quite right which is why, I suppose, they filled the gondola with worms, but that’s okay; I was kind-of hungry anyway and now I’m not. And here we are, at the station. We’ve stopped and the lady frogs are going through their routine. Let’s enjoy the show.”
“Can Can” (1:09)
Polite applause. As Henry hops down from the gondola, the mayor approaches and begins to speak.
“Welcome, Henry, yet another reporter at large from ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot. Wonderful dance by the lady frogs, I’m sure. That really broke the ice. Ladies, over there are a few buckets of fresh grubworms and spring water. I’m sure they’re mighty thirsty after such an energetic dance routine that we all enjoyed. Thank you, ladies, and I’m sure I speak for all who are gathered welcoming you to our town.”
Applause
“Thank you, Mayor and welcoming committee. It’s so nice to be out here with real wholehearted Americans and none of this Hamas and Ukraine flag-waving disillusioned pawns of the CCP. It’s one thing to display free speech, altogether different when you act like a traitor.”
“Now ain’t that the truth?”
“Yes, Mayor, it is the truth. Here Trump is trying to save Ukraine from becoming a Russian satellite and World War III and the ingrate disrespects Trump and all of us. Disgusting and glad to be rid of him. Still want the mining rights, though, and no war.”
“But of course; Trump will get them. Please, let us proceed to the town hall where we can sit in the shade out of this wind, shall we?”
Henry and the Mayor get in the wagon pulled by groundhogs while the lady frogs gouge themselves on the delicious fresh grubs. After a short ride the retinue arrives and enters the town hall.
“Please, Henry, sit here and enjoy our show.”
The lights dim except for the spotlight aimed at a young boy about 12 years old who recites the Gettysburg Address, followed by a girl classmate blowing a trumpet that sounds something like the national anthem. The lights brighten.
“’Wow’ is all can say, Mr. Mayor. Please thank the kids for such a really enjoyable experience.”
“I’ll most assuredly do that, Henry. I know they’ll be so proud.”
“As they should be, I’m sure. Mr. Mayor, I’m here to learn what the man and woman on the street of the USA are thinking about.”
“I’m sure you are, but we’re not done yet, not by a long shot. Next up is Mary Beth who will recite the Pledge of Allegiance backwards in French.”
Again, the lights dim except for that one spotlight as Henry suffers with the dignity that only a frog can display so gallantly. At the conclusion the lights brighten.
“Mr. Mayor, please, I’m speechless and I don’t believe I can take any more. It’s just too much, overwhelming. I think I need some fresh air.”
“Nonsense; we’re just beginning. Next up is the reenactment of the Alamo siege where I play Davy Crockett.”
As the Mayor leaves to get into costume, the lights dim as we hear this song:
“Ballad of Davy Crocket” (2:14)
At the conclusion of the reenactment, still in his costume, the mayor returns seated next to Henry.
“Is that how the Mexican General, Santa Anna, killed Davy, had him stabbed to death?”
“Yes, and when the American Army caught up with him, they hanged him. Go ahead, Henry, and give your speech.”
“Thank you, Mr. Mayor, and thank you, everyone, for such an entertaining welcome. I’m here today to set the record straight regarding those suffering from TDS, ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome.’ I know you don’t have any such mental illness here in your peaceful valley, especially since your public education doesn’t have any Marxist teachers, but the rest of the country isn’t so fortunate.
“The Department of Education, in our nation’s capital, has brought us nothing but too many Lisa Murkowskis, perhaps the dumbest person in the United States Senate. But, unfortunately, our whole nation has been infected with really dumb and dishonest people such as Elizabeth Warren, aka ‘Pocahontas,’ for lying about her nonexistent American Indian heritage. These people inhabit the lowest level of Americana, people who belie the trust of their constituents big-time.”
“I’m glad we don’t have that problem here.”
“You’re lucky to be off the beaten path out here in the middle of nowhere. You know that all the things Trump is doing could have, should have, been done by the Biden-Harris regime. They put us on the brink of destruction and not just the possibility of somebody getting nuked. Is there anyone in your community who voted for Kamala and watches the Fake News?”
“No, of course not. If I weren’t the mayor, I’d be upset from such an accusation, the accusation of being stupid. No, we’re not like the dumb brainwashed students at Harvard and Columbia Universities. We know about the CCP and Islam, about the lies.”
“Why, that’s just great. It’s just too bad the nuts out there beyond the mountains can’t see our last hope is that Trump succeeds, and I think he will. It will be a whole lot better for the rest of us if those with TDS get with the program and work to make the federal government smaller in both size and scope while, at the same time, making America great again.”
“If the advertisers would just pull the plug on ‘The View,’ the Fake News and the mentally deranged reporters such as Christiane Amanpour, who is a Marxist looney if I ever saw one, even more so than Rachel Maddow, and get people to report the truth instead of lies such as the ‘Russian Collusion Hoax,’ the Jan. 6 ‘insurrection,’ and the COVID-19 ‘vaccine’ scare that allowed illegal mail-in ballots. Maybe we’ll have an even chance to get it right, but as long as the above mentioned low IQ characters, anti-Constitutionalists have a soapbox, well, all I can say is they should all be tarred and feathered and run out of town and then maybe we’ll stop the Muslim invasion, stand up to the CCP, and take back our country once and for all.”
“Well said.”
Henry’s phone rings.
“Excuse me, Henry, Roving here to say we’ve just run out of time.”
“Excuse me, Mr. Mayor, it’s time for me to end this broadcast and I wish to thank you and all the wonderful entertainers who made us all feel so welcome.”
“And this is your Roving Reporter, back at headquarters, wishing everyone a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Aren’t those ‘Little People’ something? Interesting entertainment, and they’re MAGA all the way. I’m grabbing myself a cheeseburger.”