by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(Apr. 2, 2024) — “Don’t Worry” (3:15)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. We’ve had enough correspondence of ‘My cable provider doesn’t provide you’ to choke a horse. Enough! Live with it; just be thankful that there’s The P&E out there. Today’s featured guest is a psychiatrist of modest fame, the holder of the most books on the Bestseller list, none other than Professor Zorkophsky. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most popular information show in its time slot.”
“Thank you, Roving, glad to be onboard. Hate to have to say it, but ‘Let’s go Brandon!’ is a complete idiot, besides being a victim of elder abuse. Calling Easter Sunday some kind of mental illness/queer day was the last straw for any Christian. Biden is the poster child of mental illness and needs to be in a home that provides quality diaper service.”
“And the White House doesn’t?”
“Unfortunately, they do not unless the ‘Roach Coach’ is in disguise. But Biden’s mental abuse is just the tip of the iceberg. Look at ‘Miss Gackle,’ or is it ‘Miss Cackle?’”
“I think she’s a double threat: one to the eyes, the other to the ears.”
“Very good, Roving. I’m impressed. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like you to ask me about my latest bestseller, ‘Are the Inmates in Charge?’ I happen to think it’s one of my very, very best.”
“What, you have ‘best,’ ‘very best,’ and ‘very, very best’ categories? You’re not nuts by any chance?”
“Wouldn’t think of it and, yes, I do have those categories and many more, but I’m not here to discuss categories; I’m here to hawk my latest book. Now, ask me some questions about the book. Chapter 8 is about something Chuck Schumer is having a hard time doing, riding the fence.”
“Fence? What fence?”
“Why, the ‘Obama Fence.’ The ‘Barry Soetoro Let’s FUNDAMENTALLY CHANGE AMERICA fence.’”
“Oh, that one.”
“How could Schumer, as a Jew, ever support Obama, a Muslim?”
“Money?”
“That’s right, and I have all of it in Chapter 8.”
“Anything about the open border?”
“Chapter 3.”
“Do you mention Middle East money in Hollywood, like let’s show burqas in the background, that sort of thing?”
“Chapter 17 is titled, ‘Infiltration on Film.’”
“Sounds pretty exciting. Please excuse us while we take a quick commercial break.”
“The Merry Farmer” (3:02)
“And we’re back with Professor Zorkophsky hawking his latest bestseller, ‘Are the Inmates in Charge?’ It sounds like you did a lot of research on the book.”
“Not really. You know I treat the nuts out there, so it was just a matter of coalescing my notes, and there you have it, another bestseller. You see, the book practically wrote itself.”
“Lots of nuts.”
“Every Dem is a nut, by definition.”
“Explain.”
“How can anybody support ‘rape trees,’ for instance?”
“The rapists?”
“No, nobody can.”
“But the Dems do, right?”
“And that’s what makes them mentally defective. The Dems have ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome,’ which makes everything off the table.”
“You mean, ‘on the table.’”
“Wrong. The Dems don’t even have a table, and that’s what makes them nuts.”
“Let me ask you this: is the word ‘nuts’ a professionally accepted psychiatric term?”
“Look, any word I use is professional and ‘nuts’ is just one of them, ‘certified loon’ another. An example of a certified loon is Kamala Harris, the VP. This ‘trans’ malarkey is the opposite way to treat the mental illness. Think of the flip side of what the Dems are pushing and you’ll get closer to the truth.”
“Such as? Can you give us an example?”
“They say if Trump [“Trump Won” (3:30)] becomes the president, there’ll be no more elections.”
“Which means if Biden is elected there won’t be any more elections.”
“Right, good for you, Roving. Another one is if Trump [“81 Million Votes, My A**” (3:13)] is elected that’ll be the end of Democracy.”
“Which means if Biden is elected that’ll be the end of Democracy, the end of our Republic. So, one more then I’ve got some questions for you.”
“There is no Fentanyl coming across the border, same with human trafficking.”
“Record amounts of drugs are coming across the border and it’s open season for little boys and girls. This administration is out to lunch.”
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“Any darn fool leaving weapons behind in Afghanistan* for the enemy to kill us with is the classic definition of ‘not quite right with the program.’”
“In other words, irresponsible.”
“Make that criminally irresponsible. We know that Biden is nothing but the shadow of Obama, right? Wants to transform the USA into another Islamic Third World hellhole and he’s doing a pretty good, accelerated job of it. Next thing to hit us is Sharia law and once that’s introduced, that’s it: storm the Bastille time.”
“Do we even have a Bastille?”
“The Pentagon would be a good place to start.”
“We’ll take another break. Don’t go anywhere.”
“Gentil Couquelicot” (1:36)
“And here we’re back. During the break Professor Zorkophsky hinted that he would rather be addressed as ‘Zork.’”
“That’s right, Roving; I feel it makes for a less formal atmosphere, don’t you?”
“Me? Doesn’t make a lick of difference. I notice you have a chapter; I think it was 15, titled, ‘Where did our freedom go?’”
“Did doctors lose their medical licenses if they questioned the ‘Clot Shot?’ Was Ivermectin withheld by hospitals which received a cash bonus for every patient who died which they attributed to COVID? Ninety-nine percent of the patients on respirators left the hospitals in a body bag. Nursing homes became death chambers. Which reminds me, do you have any Ivermectin in your medicine cabinet?”
“I most certainly do. What’s the last chapter about?”
“The epilogue addresses the plot of Pelosi and Pence to overthrow the government, to conduct a real insurrection at 3:00 in the morning, counting known fraudulent votes and ushering in the mentally defective loser, Joe Biden. The end of the chapter addresses the freedoms lost by the illegally incarcerated Jan. Sixers [“Justice for All” (2:24)]. I also recommend that Liz Cheney be placed in a cell in the Washington gulag immediately.”
“How much is your book and where do we buy it?”
“$19.95 wherever good books are sold.”
“Any last words?”
“I cannot, for the life of me, imagine even one vote for Biden or any Dem. Roe vs. Wade falls into State jurisdiction; it is not a federal issue. Be a shame to lose the Republic because the voters didn’t know how to vote. Welcome, China.”
“Yes, we’re getting the same vibe. I always suggest to our audience to always be armed. Ted Nugent says if you don’t go around with a gun, you are disarmed and helpless, so always be armed. Have a loaded gun on you, not locked in a safe or in the glove box. And so, this is your Roving Reporter, along with Zork, wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
[*Leaving weapons behind in Afghanistan: A gift from Obama to fellow Muslims, that’s all there was to it. The fact that those same weapons will be used to kill Jews and Americans is of no consequence to Biden.]
“I Feel the Earth Move” (3:00)
Roving Reporter