by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(May 25, 2023) – “Justice for All” (2:24)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Today’s guest is an old friend, Bishop Dunkin. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most- watched information show in its time slot.”
“Thank you, Roving, for such an enlightened welcoming speech.”
“You are too kind.”
“I was being facetious.”
“Then I retract about you being kind, I suppose.”
“Suppose away. I would like to read you my latest sermon, if I may.”
“For sure.”
“Dear Brethren: Welcome to a sermon from your favorite Bishop.”
“Excuse me, but do people really have a favorite Bishop? Isn’t that a little high up, if you know what I mean?”
“Please do not interrupt. Now, as I was saying, I’m your favorite Bishop.”
“That’s funny ‘cause you’re the only Bishop I know of.”
“Roving, please.”
“Okay, okay; I can take a hint.”
“I’ll bypass the salutations and get to the meat of the matter: if you’re queer you have a mental disorder. If you are a guy who likes guys, you’re queer. If you’re a girl who likes girls, you’re queer. And if you’re a ‘trans’ something or other you have a mental disorder.
“If you are so far gone as to get yourself mutilated, you’re nuts. If you are a girl and get mutilated, you’re nuts. If you’re a guy and opt for mutilation, you’re nuts. These people are not normal, okay? We don’t want these nuts teaching our kids, right?
“We don’t want any ‘Pride’ night at the ballpark. We don’t want any trans in commercials for beer, bras, and barbeques. We don’t want to see them, we don’t want to hear about them, and we sure as all get-out don’t want to associate with them in any form whatsoever. Ever, including not in the military.
“NFL, MLB, Budweiser, Miller, Target, and Disney are on their way out. We don’t associate with people who kneel during the National Anthem. We do not associate with people who push a mental disorder.“
“And here’s my point: we don’t like people who enable mental illness as if it is good to look the other way without ever seeing the truth. Participating in a drag show, whether as a participant or a spectator, is a few steps into insanity, okay? Mental illness is a serious disease, as serious as abortion and should be treated as an aberration; nothing less.
“As Christians we should bestow pity on the afflicted and hope and pray that they’ll find peace, somehow, someday. But until that day comes, leave us sane people to cope with this crazy world without the clutter of a bunch of nuts running around making fools of themselves.
“We ask this in the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. And no tattoos, get it? Our bodies are temples so don’t deface it.
“There, that’s it. I think I said everything I wanted to say.”
“I think you did. Good little speech. And now it’s time for us to say goodnight: Goodnight.
“I liked your sermon. Burger time: my treat.”
“Trump Won” (3:30)