by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(Sep. 7, 2023) — “Let’s Fall to Pieces Together” (2:55)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Our featured guest today is Henry, the talking frog who has an important announcement. Oh, look who just walked in but Madam Shylock with a…, what is that?”
“’Beetle with Fly Garnish,’ Henry’s lunch. Here you are, Henry. You want any utensils, or do you want to tongue it?”
“Well, now, since I’m on camera, I think utensils will be the order of the day. We wouldn’t want to gross-out the little kiddies, now, would we?”
“Do you want to conduct this interview after you’ve eaten, or shall we proceed?”
“Fire away.”
“Very well. I understand that Zyklon, the ‘Ruler of the Cosmos,’ bestowed upon you a present of a ‘magic cape.’”
“No magic about it. Will you look at that; the beetle is trying to make his escape. Excuse me while I lap it up with my tongue (GULP). Don’t mean to be rude but fresh beetle… Getting back to the cape, no magic about it although I must admit it prolongs my glide-time by an appreciable margin. For instance, I can hop across the pond with no problem whereas before I couldn’t. A wonderful gift that will, I’m sure, increase my chances of becoming the next Secretary of Defense.”
“Let me ask you this: if Biden asked you to replace the current Secretary of Defense, would you accept?”
“That’s a joke, right? Huh, I’d arrest Biden in a New York minute: him, and everyone else in his corrupt administration; all of them. Like now. Immediately.”
“Alright, you made your point.”
“Ah, will you look at that? Fresh worm for dessert. Thank you, Madam Shylock. Care for some, Roving?”
“No, thanks; I’ll pass.”
“Ah, delicious. Excuse me that I don’t use my knife and fork; lot easier lapping up the squiggly things; I mean, after all I’m a frog.”
“A talking frog.”
“The talking frog. I know you want to see me wearing the cape, but I think I’ll reveal it during Trump’s [‘Trump Won’ (3:30)] next packed political rally.”
“Like a ‘fly-in?’”
“Hop with glide-in.”
“I stand corrected.”
“As you should.”
“What do you say we pause for a commercial break? Be right back; don’t go away.”
“Irish Love Song” (3:04)
“And we’re back with Henry who says he’ll hop in during one of Trump’s [’81 Million Votes, My A**’ (2:24)] rallies.”
“That’s right, but I’ll have to ask permission; wouldn’t want the Secret Service to shoot at me, would we?”
“Of course not. Last time we talked to you, you mentioned the word ‘deport.’”
“Twenty-seven times if memory serves me correctly. So, the Chamber of Commerce want illegals for cheap labor, but let me tell you something about the flip side. Housing contractors like cheap labor but with cheap labor comes expensive mistakes, so what do the contractors do? Raise the price of the house, is what they do. Sure, the labor cost is down but mistakes cost and rather than eat the mistakes the contractors pass it along to the consumer. Adds 20% to the cost of construction; trust me; my numbers are correct. Ask Trump [‘Justice for All’ (2:24)] what happens when a trade can’t speak English. Oh, sure, maybe they know code, but code is the minimum, and we don’t want slop, right?”
“That’s right; building inspectors don’t inspect quality, just code.”
“I’d like to share an observation with you, if I may.”
“Certainly.”
“What happened in East Palestine, Ohio is indicative of how inept, uncaring, and totally stupid this ‘woke’ philosophy of life is that the Dems are pushing. Nobody ever died from COVID-19, but millions have croaked – frog talk – from being denied Ivermectin and life- saving procedures. As Professor Zorkophsky says, ‘Trash the masks.’ And this ‘global this and that’ is bull, and if anybody uses the word ‘sustainability,’ run, run away, run for your life because what we’re really dealing with is mental illness, and you don’t know if they’re dangerous or not.”
“So we ought to beware.”
“If you see someone with a mask, this person is brain-damaged. Maybe they suffer from ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome’ like the people on ‘The View.’ Fake News striking again. They refuse to address the ‘Cascading Effect’ of failure begetting failures.”
“Give us an example.”
“Indictment after indictment; FBI raid after FBI raid; sanctuary city failures after sanctuary city failures – ‘NO OVERNIGHT PARKING’ while overnight makeshift camping is allowed; statues toppled after statues toppled; need I go on?”
“No, you made your point.”
“So, this election next year, I have it from pretty reliable sources that Biden will win by 600 million votes.”
“But that’s impossible.”
“Not if you’re a brain-dead Dem; go ask any Washington, DC or Washington State resident. And ask them about the judges who are associated with Jan. 6; not one of them has gone after VP Mike Pence. We are experiencing the most grievous attack on our Republic since the Revolutionary War, which means ever. We have the most corrupt judges in the history of the human race. Walking by the Capitol on Jan. 6 gets you sentenced to decades in prison yet the average sentence for murder in Washington, DC, is seven years. We have judges who are blatantly thumbing their noses at the Constitution, at us and at all Americans not yet born. These judges are the lowlife of our nation, lower than child molesters because they are administering Banana Republic justice which means there is none, not a whiff, of justice, and idiots such as ‘Morning Joe’ run with the government’s narrative.”
“I always thought that the president is supposed to be the president of all Americans, but Biden just represents a few insiders, those who get the payoffs from China.”
“You are quite correct, Roving. The worst – meaning most corrupt – governor is in Georgia.”
“Brian Kemp?”
“A Deep-Stater through and through, but at least he doesn’t pretend to be ‘for the people’; he makes no bones about being against the people of his State, none whatsoever. He’ll call the GBI (Georgia Bureau of Investigation) in a heartbeat on any citizen who is an ‘election-denier’ and/or wants Fani Willis fired as of yesterday.”
“Are you saying the GBI will follow illegal orders just as the FBI clearly does?”
“Yes, two organizations which once had pride but now are on the same page of the German GESTAPO, which was used to go after political opponents, ideological dissenters (the church) and everyone else who they even suspected to have not swallowed the party line. Step One is not to get ‘Clot-Shotted.’ There’s no escape from the corruptness of the Deep State, which is why each of us must be armed to the gills.”
“What kind of weapons do you carry?”
“Are you trying to be funny?”
“No, seriously.”
“I have a straw in which to blow poisoned darts at my enemy. A cousin of mine, a Poison Dart Frog, sends me arrows, and the rest of my arsenal is classified.”
“Okay, that’ll work. You mentioned judges.”
“Biden has appointed more federal judges than Trump [‘Try That in a Small Town’ (3:00)] so the deck is stacked against any fair Constitutional ruling on anything, which is why nobody ever gets arrested for crimes except those made up by Dems against MAGA supporters. Burn Minneapolis, Seattle, and Portland with no arrests? No problem, because the judges exercise their control over the officers of the court — the men and women in blue – to let ANTIFA and BLM burn, loot, mug and murder – as they did on prime-time TV in Baltimore – while the cops stand around and watch. So much for upholding the law; so much for protecting and serving.”
“Reminds one of the DOJ and its military arm, the FBI.”
“Don’t forget the ATF.”
“No, of course not. Merrick Garland, the Heinrich Himmler of our time, the architect of executing Constitution supporters during an FBI raid, the power-hungry little man pretending to have an IQ matching his self-inflated ego only to be relegated by future historians as a ‘sad little man who had a chance to do the right thing but chose the wrong side; a perpetual failure of the highest order; a lesson in what happens when hate and power combine to make one paranoid beyond reason.’”
“Now that’s a mouthful.”
“Deservedly so, sad to say, but accurate.”
“And we couldn’t agree with you any more than we already do. My, oh, my, will you look at the time; sure goes fast when you’re having fun. That’s it, then; thank you all for watching or reading as the case may be. This is your Roving Reporter, along with Henry, wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. I see that Madam Shylock has set a tray out for you; what are they, chocolate grasshoppers? I’ll grab a burger later.”
“For What’s it’s Worth” (2:37)
Roving Reporter