by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(Jul. 17, 2023) — “I’m Just Sayin’” (3:20)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Professor Wert will grace our guest microphone after I share the Good News that Mike Pence shot himself in the foot and stabbed himself in the back. They say ‘What goes around comes around,’ and we all saw the saying come true when Pence answered, ‘Not my concern’ when asked by Tucker Carlson about our cities of iniquities. We here at ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot, have been trying to get Pence sent to where backstabbers belong for the past three years, ever since Pence certified fraudulent votes to bring upon the devastation of the Biden Crime Syndicate. So it is with great pleasure that we can officially announce that any chance of Mike Pence ever holding public office again is closed forever and for good. Judas is dead! Hallelujah! With us to celebrate this ‘”Jesus” moment’ is our good friend, Bishop Dunkin, who will bless us all with a benediction to celebrate this most enjoyable news. The floor is yours, Bishop.”
“Thank you, Roving. It is a great honor to be selected to seal the coffin, as it were, on the most despicable person on the planet earth for the last couple of millennia. I didn’t have much time to write anything down, but I have enough faith to trust in the Lord to give me the wisdom that I will do right for what I’m about to say.
“Dear Lord, please afford me the ability to use the correct words to convey our overwhelming glee that it was Mike Pence himself that ended any chance for him to do any more irrefutable harm to our Republic. You gave us a Judas; he figuratively hung himself on the stage, and for that we thank you immensely, for you saved us the sweat and toil of doing it ourselves. Plus, we can forgo the ‘tar and feathering’ prelude to stringing him up because, in a very real way, Pence did it to himself. We thank you in the name of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.”
“Thank you; that was very good and hit the nail on the head. We’ll be right back with our featured guest, Professor Wert, after this double commercial break.”
“My Kind of Town” (3:18) / “Chicago” (2:09)
“And we’re back with Professor Wert; go ahead.”
“Kind-of hard to top somebody jumping off the Empire State Building, figuratively speaking.”
“Or the Golden Gate.”
“Sears Tower.”
“They changed the name to the Willis Tower.”
“Try telling that to a cabbie. They’d drop you off somewhere in the south side and not even wait around to collect the fare. What I want to talk about is the reason why politicians don’t have a clue what’s going on outside the Beltway, away from the Swamp.”
“Why is that?”
“They don’t care, that’s why; they believe in the Fake News. Listen: the total viewership of the Fake News is the members of Congress and their staff and a few from the Pentagon and alphabet soups, Gretchen Whitmer and Katie Hobbs, Mika and Joe Scarborough and the hostesses of ‘The View.’”
“That’s it?”
“In a nutshell.”
“So how do they make any money, the FAKE NEWS?”
“From the CIA’s black fund, money given to them by Congress that they have no public record of.”
“You mean to say that FAKE NEWS is the same as Pravda, that government-run news organization in Russia?”
“The same. And money from BIG PHARMA, the only way to get their commercials on TV.”
“Gosh.”
“My sentiments exactly.”
“Well, all very interesting. We’d like to continue this most interesting subject, but we’ve run out of time. This is your Roving Reporter, along with Professor Wert, wishing each of you a good night: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
“Poor Jud is Daid” (4:14)
Roving Reporter