by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(Apr. 26, 2023) — “Mack the Knife” (3:07)
‘Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Glad you tuned in for this important announcement. We have an opening here at ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot, for a reporter with Tucker’s credentials and would be thrilled to have him join Professor Zorkophsky, Madam Shylock Bishop Dunkin, Henry, Chief New Leaf, Professor Wert and others, including Zyklon, into our family. Tucker’s assignment would be to do exactly what he’s been doing for decades: get at the truth. Thanks to the ‘Age of the Telephone,’ Tucker will be allowed to work wherever he wants, just like our own reporters do, myself included. Our featured guest is a whistleblower who will remain anonymous. So, what do we call you?”
“’Mr. Anonymous’ will do.”
“Okay, ‘Mr. Anonymous’ will do. What do you have for us?”
“The infamous ‘Laptop from Hell‘ is back on the front page, or should be, but won’t be.”
“Why’s that?”
“’Deep State’ is why. What they don’t want you to know you won’t. They’ll decry the laptop as ‘Russian Disinformation’ when, in fact, it was Hillary who paid for the ‘Russia Hoax’ when it really wasn’t a hoax at all and not from Russia, at that. There’s enough information in that laptop to put Joe Biden — “Justice for All” (2:24) — in prison where he belongs, the traitor.”
“So, the laptop won’t be a campaign issue; is that what you’re saying?”
“It could be if ‘The View’ would apologize to the American people that they were wrong about Trump — “Trump Won” (3:30).’”
“Excuse us while we take a quick commercial break. Can you stay a little longer?”
“I’m outta here.”
“There Must be 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” (4:47)
“And we’re back with no guest so I guess I’ll just answer a few letters but, then again, maybe not. I think we’ll just call it a day. And so, on behalf of Anonymous — who just bailed, this is your Roving Reporter wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show; short, but good. Burger time: my treat.”
“Skin and Bones Women” (3:12)
Mr. Roving, maybe you need to offer Tucker a salary the same as or more than Fox News was, (or still is depending on who you want to believe.) I will do the job for less than Tucker and you won’t need to include a hair stylist….but, I want a huge sign-on bonus cause I’m almost 80……..go ahead, I won’t regret it….Thank you. :-)