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by Roving Reporter, ©2022

Photo: Pixabay, License

(Nov. 22, 2022) — “Who’s Sorry Now?”  (2:19)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Madam Shylock is our featured guest, but before we get to her, I’d just like to say that if any of you out there in ‘Pulse Land’ want to make a few extra bucks, some ’Vegas bookies are giving odds on Katie Hobbs being convicted of voter fraud and being run out of Arizona on a rail. I put some money down, a fair amount equal to about ten interviews; just thought I’d share that with you: take it or leave it. And now to our featured guest, a fortune-teller who has always been on the money; isn’t that so, Madam Shylock?”

“Hand over a ‘Benjamin’ and I’ll answer.”

“Very well, but this better be good.”

“It is, double your bet. And now I’ll answer some of your questions.”

“That story about the beautiful maiden behind one of the two doors, a Tiger behind the other: what do you think of it?”

“I think that there were three doors, maiden, tiger, and maiden/tiger. The poor fool didn’t stand a chance. I have a friend who was separated from his wife, and he was thinking about a divorce, so he called her. When she answered he wanted to say, ‘I love you,’ but he was afraid she would tell him to take a hike, so instead of a ‘I love you’ he said, ‘You’re divorced.’ I asked him why he chickened-out he said he sensed the Tiger in the room.”

“Why, that’s crazy. Either way he was getting a divorce, so what was the problem?”

“The problem was PTSD behind one door and behind the other was the will to live.”

“You mean if she said, ‘Take a hike’ he would’ve done himself in, for real?”

“As they say, the male ego is a fragile thing.”

“You got yourself some nuts, you know that?”

“And do you know that every American family is as dysfunctional as another?”

“Now you’re beginning to sound like Professor Zorkophsky.”

“And now I’m leaving. Thanks for the hundred.”

“And off she goes and we’ll be right back after this short break.”

St. Louis Blues” (0:56)

“And we’re back with Mr. Jones, a board specialist, is that correct?”

“No, Mr. Roving, it is not. I’m a ‘Bored Specialist,’ meaning I specialize in why people lose interest, specifically politics. People are bored with the whole rotten system. On one side you have your lawbreakers and on the other the ‘exposures.’

“Who, or what, in the heck are ‘exposers?’

“Those are the ones who point out the facts, like Obama’s missing BIRTH CERTIFICATE, the crookedness of the DOJ, FBI, and Homeland Security — which is a joke unto itself. It should be named, ‘Homeland Anything but Security.’ Anyway, that’s what I do; I mean, I explain why people are fed up with politics.”

“And that is because…?”

“People break the law, and nothing happens. Like, Merrick Garland, supposedly the top law enforcement officer of our country but he’s so bent there’s no way he gives a flying hoot for the Constitution. He’s a joke just as much as the ‘Jan. 6 insurrection committee’ when the real insurrectionists are Mike Pence and Nancy Pelosi and all the rest of the turncoats.”

“So, what, you explain why people are bored with politics, is that right?”

“For sure. Talk show hosts talk the talk, just as you do, but tomorrow it’ll be just like today. Thieves steal with impunity in NYC or Chicago; what of it? Why steal a cheap watch when a Rolex will get you more at the neighborhood fence, aka pawn shop, without fear of arrest or reprisals in any way?”

“So, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying people aren’t as excited about politics as they were before the midterms, is what I’m saying. It was exciting, but it seems we’re back to the same lies. Look, nobody believes that Hochul, Whitmer or Governor-Elect Katie Hobbs won their respective elections; nobody. I mean, open borders? Fentanyl? Crime? Corrupt DA’s? No way, and that’s the reason people are not as excited about any change for the better coming about peacefully. The government isn’t peaceful so why should we be?”

“Good point. Oh, this segment is over? Thanks for being on ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot. One more commercial and we’ll talk with our last guest.”

Love and Marriage” (2:40)

“Our last guest should be a real treat, the Mayor and General of the Little People.’ Last we heard from your paratroopers was from somewhere in Maryland.”

“We move around a lot, of course. We’re a secretive people.”

“That you most certainly are. Where do you come from?”

“We’re small because we come from one of the moons of Jupiter and I’m not going to tell you which one, so please don’t bother asking. We arrived here a few thousand years ago and have made the Adirondacks our home. We were the first to create giant balloons for our ‘Arrival Parade’ which started your silly Sasquatch sightings: some of our floats got carried away by the wind and ended up in Tibet, Mt. Rainier, Cypress Swamp and Siberia. No need to get excited about it but it sure has been entertaining for us. Throughout the years we’ve made some pretty scary ‘balloon floats,’ all in good fun, mind you.”

“And will you look at the time? This has been a most enlightening interview and we thank you for it, General. And so, on behalf of the mayor of the ‘Little People,’ this is your Roving Reporter wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”

That’s the Way I Always Heard it Should Be” (4:16)

Roving Reporter

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  1. Today’s ignorance level (real pandemic)will overlook the accurate approach to this. Today the truth has no place in society and until it makes a return nothing changes. It was well stated.