by Roving Reporter, ©2021

(Nov. 1, 2021) — “Beethoven: 6 Ecossaises in E flat major” (2:03)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Professor Zorkophsky offered to share a session or two with a couple of PTSD patients, so what do you say we listen in?”

“Come on in and make yourself comfortable. How you been doin’?”

“Is that some sort of trick question? I mean, if I answer I’m doin’ fine then you’ll ask why I’m here, but if I answer not so good, maybe you’ll say something like, ‘What took you so long?’ You know, I could’ve stayed home and heard the same from the wife.”

“Excuse me while I look at your application; it says here you’re divorced.”

“It was a rhetorical statement.”

“So you’re divorced?”

“That’s right, just as it says on my application.”

“So tell me about it.”

“When I married her it was the best thing I ever did; it was like winning the lottery. And then the PTSD revealed its ugly head and after I lost faith in life, she found comfort in anther man’s company, so I left her. I figure if she wanted to be with someone else, well, so I divorced her, gave her what she wanted.”

“There was a kid involved, wasn’t there?”

“Look, I gave her what she wanted.”

“But you didn’t want the divorce?”

“Are you kidding? Like I said, marrying her was the best thing I ever did. Look, I didn’t come here to talk about my mistakes, okay? I’m not crazy.”

“I’m sorry, we psychiatrists don’t use the word ‘crazy’ in refereeing to our patients. The word ‘crazy’ is reserved to describe people who wish to reject freedom for slavery. People such as Nancy Pelosi are crazy; Chuck Schumer, the Dems and the RINO’s are crazy, but not you; you’re what we call ‘nuts.’”

“That’s good to know.”

“Yes, it certainly is. So, besides the nightmares, what else is wrong with you?”

“Let me see if I understand your question correctly: let’s say, for the sake of discussion, my right leg was just blown off by a land mine and you’re asking me about a hangnail on my left finger?”

“Oh, yes, I see your point.”

“No, I don’t think you do, because if you did you wouldn’t have asked such a stupid question. There is nothing as powerful as being deathly afraid of going to sleep and waking up living a nightmare*.”

“So you divorced your wife because you love her, so she could be with anyone else but you? That fits in with my studies; as much as 75% of one of the parties in a divorce still love the other. Sad but true. Time for a break.”

Who Stole the Keeshka?” (2:02)

“I’m back with a new patient. Come on in and make yourself at home.”

“Got any ice cream?”

“No, I’m sorry, this is what we call a doctor’s office where the professor – that would be me – interviews nuts and, I’m sorry, I don’t have any ice cream. By the way, what flavor do you like?”

“I like to mix pistachio and chocolate; make a smoothie.”

“So what brings you to my office?”

“I think I’m crazy.”

“Now isn’t that interesting? What makes you think you’re crazy?”

“I’m here, aren’t I?”

“That is true, but give me something to go on; I mean, we got to start somewhere.”

“It’s like this: most of the Deep State Dems are in too deep to change sides; I mean, they broke the law and everyone knows it. And we all know that nothing will change unless people go to jail, but right now they are putting the wrong people in jail. The Deep State called a peaceful protest an ‘insurrection’ and is getting away with it, aren’t they?”

“That they are.”

“The number one problem in the USA is the Fake News covering for the crooks; it is that simple and that basic. Heck, there are still millions out there who don’t have the slightest clue about the election and pandemic frauds.”

“That is true, so, why are you here?”

“I didn’t used to go around wishing people harm, people I don’t know, but now I’m getting a little out of kilter.”

“Give me a specific.”

“Why, I was thinking the other day that I wouldn’t be upset one bit if a meteorite hit a number of people right on top of their heads, is what I’m saying. I mean, I really believe these people deserve to be put down; do you follow me? Am I making any sense?”

“You’re doing okay; matter of fact, many of us would wish misfortune on a number of those in Congress. So I wouldn’t say you’re acting ‘crazy,’ not in the ‘Pelosi wicked witch of the west’ manner, but in your ‘normal nuts’ manner.”

“So I’m cured?”

“Oh, no, not by a long shot, but you are nuts; see me same time next week and we’ll iron out some of your kinks.”

“But I’m thinking about suicide all the time.”

“Forget it; you’re to be here next week, same time, but leave the Cookie Monster Halloween costume at home, okay? Put your suicide tendencies on hold, if you would, please, for me. Be kind of bad for my reputation if one of my patients ate a bullet.”

“It’s a deal. And thanks, Professor Zorkophsky.”

“You’re more than welcome, but call me ‘Zork’ next time; I feel it makes for a more relaxing atmosphere. And that’ll do it for now, Roving.”

“Great sessions, and thanks for sharing them with us. So, now we’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Another great show in the can. Burger time: my treat.”

[*Nightmare: waking up at 3:00 a.m. seeing the bright orange flame in a cloud of cat-black billowing smoke; smelling the burnt flesh; even feeling the heat, and that’s how you wake, in an instant, grappling for your weapon, any weapon, but you can’t find it because it isn’t there and hasn’t been for the last 15 years. Welcome home and thank you for your service. I hold my tongue these days, but I’d sure like, just one time, to tell them all exactly what I think about it, just one time before I die.]

[Little People: report incognito.]

The Girl of My Best Friend” (2:20)

Roving Reporter

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