“WARPED WITH DELUSIONS”
by OPOVV , ©2018
(Dec. 11, 2018) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ one of the last places on earth where we’re not afraid to expose the truth. Hello, I’m Mr. Roving Reporter (RR) and will be your host for this episode of ‘Pulse,’ which, as you can see, is taking place on our favorite corner across the street from a railroad station here in the suburbs. What we do is interview people on their way to the big city, and here comes one now. Excuse me, Miss, care to be interviewed on live TV?”
“No, I don’t mind, but what I do mind is having my words twisted to something I didn’t mean or didn’t mean to say; you know what I mean, so don’t be putting words in my mouth. And who in the tarnation is this Talking Dog* nonsense anyway? You expect anyone to believe that? Get real. And I don’t believe all of your so-called ‘guests,’ as if they’re just regular people off the street.”
“Gee whiz, Lady, give us a break. When it’s all said and done, ‘Pulse’ is just fun entertainment, okay? So we tell the truth instead of making up stuff; we don’t sugarcoat the stories, okay? I’ll tell you what, let’s start from square one, from scratch. What’s your name and what’s bugging you the most these days?”
“My name is Lori and my main bug is the Washington hypocrites getting a pass, even after they get caught red-handed, where if it happened to you or me, we’d be in jail in a heartbeat. I think it’s common knowledge that there’s more than a few Democrats in office who, if they were Republicans, wouldn’t be there now; am I right? Of course I am, and I’m not just talking about BleachBit and 30,000 emails, okay? I’m talking about a whole slew of felonies, for real, and I think that Trump has the ability to expose each and every one of them for who and what they really are. I believe President Trump has the obligation to expose them. Like the rest of America, I’m getting mighty impatient for a shoe to drop.”
“Amen to that. Let’s break for a commercial.”
“Dixie Land” (1:27)
“Okay, we’re back. Anything else?”
“Here comes my train, so I’ll make it quick. For the last time there is not, and there never has been, any Russian collusion except with Hillary and Obama selling 25% of America’s stockpile of yellowcake to the Russians so they, in turn, could sell it to the Iranians so the rabid Muslims can continue their mad quest for a nuclear device to level Tel Aviv, to start, and then Washington, DC.”
“See you. Let’s break for another commercial.”
“There’s Always Me” (2:18)
“And we’re back. Excuse me, sir, what’s the hurry? Next train isn’t for another seven minutes.”
“What? Oh, it’s you. Dog and I read you; used to watch you, you know that?”
“Sure thing. So, how ‘bout telling us your name and what bugs you the most today?”
“Name is ‘Source.’ You want to make something of it?”
“Your parents named you ‘Source?’ I’m not going to say a word. So, Source, what’s bugging you these days?”
“Look, I’m only to say it once and I don’t want to talk it to death. My main bug is to tell Trump to release the darn documents, each and every one, and I want to see Hillary perp-walked to a squad car. Have Hillary and Lois Lerner share a cell down in GITMO. Sorry, getting a call from the wife.”
“Later. Here’s another commercial break.”
“Dippermouth Blues” (2:18)
“Excuse me, kid, how come you’re not in school?”
“But I am in school. I go to the university.”
“Look kind-of young. What are you, smart or something?”
“I skipped pre-preschool, preschool and kindergarten.”
“Wow, three grades. So, what interests you?”
“It’s a close race between ‘Dark Matter’ and why doesn’t the president go after the bums? What’s he afraid of? What’s he waiting for, the Second Coming? Release the documents with no redactions, okay?”
“Okay! See you around. One more commercial.”
“Another Somebody Did Somebody Wrong Song” (3:25)
“Excuse me, sir, care to be on ‘Pulse?’ We’re the one place where you can find the truth.”
“You want the truth, do you? Then what about WHERE’S THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE? How come our railroads are in such bad shape? How come there are 20-30 million illegal immigrants in our country, let alone one? How come there are any Muslims within our borders? You know there are Jews and Christians in America, don’t you? Muslims kill Jews and Christians; you do know that, don’t you?”
“You seem to be rather opinionated.”
“And I’m not even warmed-up. And these Democrats who are so anti-Trump seem to forget that they are, at the same time, anti-America, but they are so warped with delusions it skews any reasoning ability they once may have had, although truthfully, I sincerely doubt that they cared in the first place.”
“Tell us a specific.”
“Take the big-city slums, a product of the Democrats, aka ‘KKK,’ keeping a segment of our population on the plantation. Let’s talk about the teachers’ union having done their job by not teaching the kids how to read and write and speak proper English. So we have, what, 13% of the population not mainstream because of Madison Avenue marketing that pushes black vs. white fashions, music, movies, books and, believe it or not, history.”
“History, too?”
“Can’t have a statue of a Confederate General, now, can we? That would be like destroying every statue of all the Emperors of Rome, wouldn’t it, because each one was a real — well, let’s just say they were all highly suspect in the Golden Rule aspect of life. Here’s a question for you, Roving: who hates their country more, Theresa May hating England or Paul Ryan hating the USA?”
“Even? Any advice for our president?”
“Yes: release those documents and don’t wait another day. Let’s put it all out on the table and let the chips fall where they may. I want to see JoeScarborough and Rachel Maddow with egg on their faces, along with the idiots on The View and their dedicated viewers. And here’s my ride. See you around.”
“Goodbye and thanks for talking with us. Now’s the time for a short commercial.”
“Tonight’s the Night” (2:00)
“Are you next in line? Alright, what’s your name and what’s your main bug of the day?”
“Name is ‘Norton.’ You have any idea how wacky and off-the-wall this program is? You have Iridescent Armadillos from outer space and crazy fortune-tellers in Cassadaga, FL.”
“Look, Norton, we play the hand that’s dealt us. What can I say? Look, we’re just as confused as the rest of our viewers.”
“Sure, but, after all, it seems pretty far-fetched to me. But I agree with what the others have said: President Trump really needs to expose this whole Russian Collusion made-up farce. And as long as the manufacturers of weapons have a market of any color, the world will remain a very dangerous place. Hear that horn? This is my train. See you around, Roving.”
“And he’s off, and, come to think of it, so are we. Look, we want the wall, but we don’t want any DACA. I’m glad I snuck that in. Well, thanks for watching and, if you’re not watching, thanks for reading, and so I’ll be wishing you all, on behalf of the crew, a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show; a little long. Reminds one of a Monty Python (4:53) skit. Oh, well; burger time: my treat.”
[*Talking Dog: look, the dog doesn’t actually do the talking. You see, there’s this Vietnam Vet who happens to have a dog that communicates via telepathy to the Vet. The Vet is just a mouthpiece for the canine; it’s just that simple. Not that it’s needed, but the esteemed author of many textbooks on the human psyche, Professor Zorkophsky, has vouched for the dog’s authenticity.]
“I’m A Long Gone Daddy” (2:51)