by OPOVV, ©2015

(Aug. 24, 2015) — Whispers with subdued lighting.

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We’re in the orchard grove of a Mr. K, about 30 miles west of town. Last night we got a phone call about strange goings-on ‘out beyond the coop, in the grove.’ He wondered if we come out to take a look and see for ourselves, in case ‘they come back;’ his words.

“So here we are, huddled down behind some blackberry bushes that overlook a strange clearing in the middle of the grove. Mr. K told me his grandfather, then his father, and then he himself tried to plant all kinds of trees, vegetables, potatoes, you name it, but nothing would grow except a strange sort of a cross between a dandelion and crabgrass; that was how he described it.

“It’s closing in on 3:00 a.m., the ‘bewitching hour,’ in these parts. I don’t necessarily subscribe to ghosts and goblins but, after spending some time out here among the strange shadows, maybe some of those stories told by the early authors of our country, Hawthorn, Irving, Poe, and Lovecraft, to name a few, had some sort of kernel of truth behind them; maybe not so far off the mark after all.

“Wait! Quiet! I hear something from above. Look! Can you see it? Can you focus on it? Is your meter registering sound?

“It’s round, about 30 feet in diameter and looks to be a grey pewter color. It’s making a whirling sound, just like in that movie This Island Earth.’ Now it’s landing.

“It landed and a door’s opening, and out comes a, what the…? It looks like an iridescent armadillo, of all things. Look! There’s two of them and they’re heading this way.

Normal conversation volume.

“Greetings, Earthlings. We come from far away. We are responding to a distress call. Why you run over us? We not fast movers, you know. Stop it. Goodbye.

“We know you’re hiding behind these thorn-laden bushes. This is your best defense? This is all you got? If this is so, we’ll wipe your clock, for sure. Sayonara.”

“Wait! Wait! What if I told you we’re sorry? We’ll slow down, give Armadillos the right-of-way. What then?”

“Not buying it. You people are complete idiots. We’ve been monitoring your communications. This Trump guy wants to do your country proud, and a bunch of you, those who are ‘Obots,’ are so out there as to be from another planet.  We should know, because that’s where we’re from, but not half as much as these Obots are, if you get my meaning.

“Let me ask you this: how’d they get that way? How do you take something as wonderful as your Constitution and trash it? What, you all brain-dead Muslims who lost your ability to reason? What gives?

“Is your Mr. Trump going to allow Muslims to be in your military? Is he going to allow Muslims killing your citizens within your borders? Is your Mr. Trump going to believe the lies of your Joint Chiefs of Staff? Is he going to play golf while Rome burns, while Christians are beheaded? So we’re Armadillos, but we’re also believers in the Golden Rule.

“We have to go; your oxygen content is too corrosive for our shells. That is how Earthling Armadillos lost their colors. Did you know that America’s Armadillos are really bright magenta? It is true.

“We must leave you, but remember this: your Constitution is your strength, your ‘ace-in-the-hole.’

“Cherish it; hold it dear, for it is your future.  Goodbye.”

“Goodbye. What do we call you? Where is your home? Will you be coming back?

“And there they go, back into their flying saucer and off they go.  Did you get it all on film?  Did you record the sound? What, blank? Why, how can that be? But didn’t the viewers hear the voices?

“I’m getting word from our producer. What’s that? It went over the airwaves okay but they couldn’t record anything. But the people saw and heard it? That’s good, then.

“Wow” is all I’ve got to say. I love my job, I tell you. Okay, guys, that’s a wrap. Let’s go grab a burger, my treat. This is Roving signing off. Goodnight.”

Semper Fi


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