by Roving Reporter, ©2025
(Apr. 14, 2025) — “I’ll Remember You” (2:29)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. We heard it through the grapevine that Zork – Professor Zorkophsky – has a new movie about to be released based on the concept of kidnapping Elvis to some remote location to ‘straighten him out.’ How am I doing; did I hit the nail on the head? Welcome to the show.”
“No, you were wrong on all counts. First of all, the script hasn’t even been written yet since I’m still formulating the idea of kidnapping Elvis to some remote location. And then there’s the question of the cabin in the woods equipped with piano and the security requirements. It’s really complicated, but since it’s based on a true story the difficulties will be overcome; I’m sure of it.”
“You said, ‘based on a true story.’ Would you care to elaborate?”
“For sure. Back in the 1970s, this Elvis fan had the idea of getting Elvis off the drugs, so he thought of kidnapping him to some remote location to get him straight. Only problem was, the kidnapper had no money, no cabin in the woods equipped with a piano, no security system; all he had was this idea, and that’s what the movie is all about or will be if it ever gets off the ground.”
“I see.”
“But to make it even more relevant, I’m thinking of tinkering with the timeline, so to speak.”
“In what way?”
“Well, I’m thinking of having Elvis like live now through the magic of imagination.”
“This ought to be good.”
“What happens is that maybe Elvis gets frozen for 50 years and is brought back to the living in 2020 or so. We follow him on the ‘MAGA Wagon’ and the ‘Anti-Clot-Shot Wagon*.’”
“Let’s see if I understand this: from kidnapping to frozen?”
“It’s complicated.”
“You tellin’ me?”
“But what really happens is that, somehow, Elvis wakes up in the pool cottage at Mar-a-Lago straight and sober, as they say, and is as healthy as when he made the movie ‘Blue Hawaii.’ When Trump wants to hear any song by Elvis, he just presses a secret button, and Elvis sings it piped through the PA system.”
“No way.”
“As I said, it’s a work in progress. In one scene Elvis is at the border chasing cartel members up in the mountains; in another he’s chasing Fentanyl runners in the ‘Gulf of America’ in a cigarette boat.”
“Lots of action.”
“And lots of normal MAGA women, too.”
“Now you’ve got my attention.”
“And Henry makes a guest appearance in the pool scene.”
“Are Henry’s Can-Can girls in the movie?”
“They’ll be doing their routine on the diving board.”
“Can’t wait to see the movie.”
“Peter Navarro makes a guest appearance when he and Elvis discuss tariffs and Trump’s vision for a world where trade is fair for everyone with no kickbacks to members of Congress.”
“Well, all I can say is get back home and finish the script because we can’t wait to see the movie. And that’s all the time we have, so this is your Roving Reporter, along with Zork, wishing that the crooks that Musk exposes are sent to jail: Goodnight.
“Good show. Good luck on the movie. Burger time: my treat.”
[*”Anti-Clot-Shot Wagon’: The COVID-19 ‘vaccine.’]
“Tell Me Why” (2:22)
Roving Reporter