AN “RR” EXCLUSIVE
by OPOVV, ©2016
(Feb. 6, 2016) — “Welcome to a special edition of ‘The Pulse of the Nation.’ We’re at the university to interview the world-famous psychologist, Professor Zorkophsky.”
“Call me Zork, yes?”
“No kidding?”
“No kidding.”
“Alright, Zork.”
“Professor Zork.”
“Oh, sure. Sorry. Now Professor Zork, your latest book, ‘The Wild One Syndrome: The Cause of Wars for the Last Five Hundred Years,’ has stirred up a hornet’s nest, to put it mildly. I read the book and I’d have to say your conclusions are rather wild, at least on a cursory inspection, but after I gave it some considerable thought you might be on to something.”
“Yes! It is so. The book could be longer but then it is too heavy to lift and carry around. These days they only publish ‘Airport Books’: you know, not too thick with an eye-catching title. Like you have your ‘Peyton Place’ and then you have ‘The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire,’ see? So the publisher cut short the first 400 years so the reader is exposed to the details of my thesis starting around the Year of Our Lord: 1900.”
‘So the book wouldn’t be too heavy?”
“It is so. American people have short attention span. Make anything too long and they get bored, lose interest, change the station. It is true. Hit songs grab the listener in the first 20 seconds or else Americans change the radio station. No roll your eyes at me! I won’t stand for such childish behavior! I forbid it!”
“Right. Sorry.”
“You no sorry! You wear smirk. This interview is almost over, but I must plug my book. So I go on to say ‘Buy it now!’ Order online, too.”
“Can you please tell us what the meaning of the title is?”
“Idea for it was that movie with Marlon Brando, ‘The Wild One.’ It got me to thinking about people moving off the farm, is what it did: the Industrial Age and all of that.
“Okay. When living on a farm, before the mechanization of everything, even cow milking machines, people worked from sunrise to sunset. Now machines enter the picture so a bunch of young men move to the city and cause trouble, is what. But they got to let off steam somehow, right?
“Some turn inward and take drugs; drink in excess. Others rob and cause mayhem, but they all share a common denominator: boredom. So wars are started to relieve boredom.
“Take the American Indian, for example. Most of the time when Indian tribes went to war it was to count coup, not to kill. They couldn’t afford to have their young warriors go missing – KIA – because each was not expendable – not like our warriors of today.
“Young people –all over the world — too much free time to get into trouble, which is why there’s gangs: young men get bored and, for the most, deliberately cause mischief in order to be noticed by any and all authoritative figures: church, administrative and social.”
“So wars are caused by bored young men?”
“Precisely, for if they were otherwise occupied, who would go off to kill other young men?”
“Your last chapter reminded me of the last part of the Bible: the Apocalypse.”
“As it should. It’s because of the unending, relentless expansion of Islam.”
“Your conclusion was interesting.”
“Yes, thank you. I concluded that Islam is a self-serving political philosophy in that, once the imagined enemies are eliminated, it must devour itself in order to remain true to itself. I have read where the last human on earth will be a ‘devout’ Muslim man who just honor-killed his wife and daughters for imagined slights against his own personal interpretation of Islam and, subsequently, did likewise to his sons. In other words, Islam devours itself.
“Islam is exactly like the political philosophy of the Khmer Rouge where, in order to show solidarity to the regime/Pol Pot, was to kill every member of your family, but if that were so, taken to the nth degree, there would be no people left, for they would all have killed one another. That’s what is defined as ‘self-serving’: there’s only one possible outcome and it bodes ill to the human race: extinction. Ergo, Islam is tantamount with extinction.
“When those in the know comment on what’s going on, they refer to Islam at war with Western Civilization and never, but never, define Islam as a religion by any stretch of the imagination: it’s a death cult, plain and simple; nothing other than allowing psychopaths to go on murdering rampages, and it’s been used as an excuse for State-sanctioned murder for the last 1,400 years.”
“Oh, no doubt. Our viewers are astute enough to understand and agree with you 100%. Okay, we know the problem: what’s the solution?”
“There is only one possible solution: it’s either them or us. Let me say it in another way: either we eliminate Islam from the face of the earth or Islam will erase humans from the face of the earth. Rather basic, wouldn’t you say? There’s only one possible answer, and if you’ll excuse me, I’ve a book-signing to go to. I appreciate your letting me hawk my book, yes? Goodbye.”
“Hey, you’re welcome, Professor Zork. Well, viewers, that was rather enlightening. That’s our show for tonight. Thank you for watching ‘The Pulse of the Nation.’ This is your Roving Reporter on behalf of my crew saying goodnight: Goodnight.”
“Whew, what a show. Pretty dim picture Zork painted for us, especially since most Americans don’t have a clue. Let’s have lunch: burger time. My treat.”