by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(May 29, 2024) — “Waters of Tyne” (3:31)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Our European correspondent, Sarah Weiss, submitted the following report:
“Hey, Roving, how you doing? Just got back from Cyprus where I learned that one of the teenage girls who were tortured and murdered on Oct.7th was a Muslim who was in a kibbutz on a ‘sleepover.’ It seems that the parents of the girl were watching a video of their 15-year-old daughter being tortured to death—Oops, sorry about that—and that’s how they learned that she became, in their words, ‘a martyr for Islam.’
“I also learned that the IDF is somewhat reluctant to release the footage of Oct. 7 for fear it’ll be used as a ‘recruitment tool’ for future terrorists. As more of the horrors of that day become public, it is obvious there is a disconnect between Western Civilization and Islam, between reality and insanity. Later.”
“That was somewhat interesting. Let’s say we pause for a quick commercial break.”
“Little Boys Grow Up, and Dogs Get Old” (3:43)
“And we’re back with our featured guest, Madam Shylock. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most- watched information show in its time slot.”
“Maybe not so fast.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean what I’ve got to say may not be so smiley-happy for your viewers.”
“I say they can take it.”
“And I say it’ll go in one ear and out the other.”
“Go for it.”
“Very well. Ashli Babbit was shot in the neck, an unarmed female. Rosanne Boyland was beaten to death, another unarmed female. Public displays of antisemitism. Cops standing on the sidewalk while their city burns. Now, I’ll ask you one question: what’s the difference between the antisemitism of 1930’s Germany and what we’re witnessing in the United States now?”
“Not much, I guess, and it seems to be getting worse.”
“Going downhill faster than a speeding bullet. And all over: Germany, Ireland, Canada, and right here at home. And you want to know why?”
“Not really. Not to be rude, but Professor Zorkophsky just joined us.”
“How you all doin’?”
“Just fine, thank you. What have you got for us?”
“Not to be rude, Madam Shylock, but I’d just like to say that the human race may have been here before, I mean, many years ago.”
“How many?”
“Perhaps 300 million. Looks like we blow ourselves up or the earth gets hit with a big rock from outer space.”
“No Little Green Men?”
“No, we do it all to ourselves, just as we’re doing now.”
“And will you just look at the time? This is your Roving Reporter, along with Madam Shylock and Professor Zorkophsky, wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. ANTIFA, BLM, stupid HAMAS supporters, DEI and gender mutilation – cutting off body parts is the same as a clitoridectomy; ever think about that? – statue-topplers and destroying any painting that depicts a human. Goodbye, the Venus de Milo, George Washington’s portrait, the Mona Lisa. What kind of world are we ushering in, anyway? Burger time: my treat.”
“Nobody But You Babe” (2:46)