by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(Jul. 25, 2023) — “I Still Wish the Very Best for You” (3:13)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation, the place to hear it here first. Back to hawk yet another bestseller, Professor Zorkophsky would like to speak to those out there who are suffering from PTSD. But before we give him the microphone, I’d like to say a few words about the remaining democracies of the world, specifically Spain and Israel. Just as in the United States, Spain’s unelected bureaucrats have opened the doors to the Muslim invasion which is destroying their way of life: rapes and murders and their venerated churches being desecrated while over in Israel their unelected bureaucrats are circumventing their Constitution, rendering it worthless. No wonder people are becoming unglued. Now that I got that off my chest, here is Professor Zorkophsky to talk about his new book. By the way, Professor Zorkophsky, what’s the title?”
“I don’t have one yet; it’s a work in progress. And, by the way, please address me as ‘Zork’ since I feel it makes for a more relaxing atmosphere. And thank you for having me on your show, although I would’ve spent a little more time on my extensive background as a professor, author, and screenwriter. That said, my new book will be on the shelves before Christmas and the introductory price of $19.95 will be pretty hard to resist.”
“Yes, of course. I think we’ll pause for a commercial break while I catch my breath.”
“Fool Hearted Memory” (2:39)
“And we’re back with Professor Zorkophsky, who was about to tell us about his new book that doesn’t have a title yet; isn’t that so, Zork?”
“Right on, Roving. The book chronicles a couple of patients who went to a war and came back nuts. One of the individuals is yours truly, while the other was randomly selected to represent the norm of those veterans who eat a bullet or hang themselves. The variety of choices is not as numerous a one might expect.”
“What is the most common method they use?”
“Eating a bullet wins hands down. Here’s the thing: every one of them could have been easily avoided if they knew Jesus.”
“What does Jesus have to do with it?”
“Besides everything, they have to learn that getting a ticket to heaven is pretty much impossible if you do yourself in.”
“St. Peter doesn’t interview suicides?”
“This is no joking matter, Roving. And, no, he doesn’t, and if he did, you’d have to spend some time down below, if you get my meaning.”
“We do.”
“I use the Psalm teaching method. I say that PTSD is nothing more than a broken arm or leg, for instance. I say that since a broken bone can heal, so, too can a broken spirit. I write that it would be nice to trust others, but trusting in the Lord is a sure thing, that it is impossible to go wrong. I trusted a wife, thought of her my as best friend and mate for life until one day I called her at work only to be told it was her day off. That’s why I say to put your trust in Jesus; you can’t go wrong.”
“But that’s nuts.”
“You’d be surprised at the power of positive thinking, at the power of prayer, the peace of mind that the Lord can give to a troubled soul.”
“And you walk through the steps to recovery and peace of mind in your book?”
“Well, the first step is the hardest, that is to admit that there’s a problem. I used to think I didn’t have an alcohol problem until one day I just up and quit.”
“How long ago was that?”
“Going on 30 years, and I haven’t had one drop of alcohol since, not a drop.”
“Do you miss it?”
“No, but the point I wanted to make was that I quit the horrible PTSD nightmares before I quit the drugs.”
“Drugs? What kind of drugs?”
“Besides the Zombie drugs prescribed by the VA, nicotine, alcohol, and marijuana, what I professionally call the ‘dumb-down’ drugs.”
“Yes, I can understand that the government wants a zonked-out population, isn’t that right?”
“Not only by drugs but by repetitive broadcasting day after day, reminiscent of the ‘Russian Collusion Hoax.’”
“That’s right, day after day for over half a decade. But the hope of the USA is a little more delicate than at first supposed. Running out of Afghanistan was a straw, leaving all that weaponry behind another, but the last straw was welcoming the enemy into our country, a very difficult hurdle to overcome for our returning Veterans, to be sure. Fact is, none of us can foretell the future. Who knows, maybe we’ll need the expertise of that one person who can turn the tide of battle for the better, able to shore up the Constitution for good this time, never to let the Deep State in the door again.”
“Now you’re talking. Let’s pause for a short commercial break.”
“Heartbreak Hotel” (2:08)
“One of two things are about to happen: either the Constitution will reign supreme, or we’ll just be another dime-a-dozen Third World cesspool like our cities have become. One would think that the relationship between cause and effect would be obvious, but you’d never know it driving through Los Angeles or New York City. I mean, now, how dumb can you get?”
“They say the jury pool in Washington, DC has the lowest average IQ, even lower than Atlanta’s.”
“No way; I don’t believe it.”
“It’s true. They give their potential jurors a questionnaire and one of the questions is: “There’s an all-night liquor store and a little old lady at a stop light; what do you do? A) Go home and read a book, B) Rob the liquor store, C) Carjack the little old lady or, D) Rob the liquor store and then carjack the little old lady and make your getaway.”
“And that’ll do it for this episode of ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot. This is your Roving Reporter, along with Professor Zorkophsky, wishing each of you a goodnight.”
“Excuse me, Roving. Just want to say that you’re no good to us dead.”
“Oh, good, I’m sure they needed to hear that. Goodnight, all.
[We like to consider ‘Pulse’ MAGA country, and we support Trump to the gills. We also support the Second Amendment, as do our family members and friends. We believe that the Deep State is everywhere, and we don’t trust our government, be it local, State or Federal. And we believe that the officers of the court, from the men and women in blue to the DAs on up to the judges, are not to be trusted; that’s just the way it is. It is the world the Dems and ‘Let’s go Brandon!’ have given us. We believe in the Constitution just as we believe in deporting each and every illegal immigrant and Muslim, and we believe Henry is the person to do it within 11 months from the day Trump takes office. Amen.]
“Let It Be” (3:50)
Roving Reporter