by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(Apr. 8, 2024) — “Hello It’s Me” (3:51)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Due to popular demand, Henry will be our featured guest. As you can see, we’re on the front porch of ‘Madam Shylock’s Fortune-Telling Emporium,’ located in beautiful Cassadaga, Florida. Hello, Madam Shylock, is Henry around?”
“Yes, Roving, he’s on the kitchen table, just finishing breakfast.”
“Interesting; what did he have for breakfast?”
“I cooked him Guppies with Thyme and a side dish of Grub Worms I dug up out back.”
“What does Henry season the worms with?”
“Salt and pepper with a dollop of cottage cheese with chives.”
“Sounds good. Can I go back now?”
“Follow me, please; watch the cord, I was vacuuming when you rang.”
“Let’s throw in a commercial at this time; be right back.”
“Wichita Lineman” (3:04)
“Hello, Henry, how was your breakfast?”
“Too much Thyme but otherwise delicious. I’m glad you came because I’ve some news; at least I hope it’s news.”
“Please tell us.”
“President Trump [“Trump Won” (3:30)] asked me to be his VP.”
“And? What did you tell him?”
“That I am honored that he would even consider me being his running mate, but I must decline since I have my heart set on being his Secretary of Defense and helping him in deporting all the unwanteds. He said he understood and that he was disappointed that I wouldn’t be his VP. He also said that the wonderful First Lady, Melania, was looking forward to being on the campaign trail with me but, as I said, I must decline his most honored offer.”
“So, you’re going to be Trump’s Secretary of Defense?”
“That I do not know. That is all I have to say, and I thank you for listening to the news. I bid you adieu.”
Henry hops off the table and out to door, across the road unto his pad.
“At the Hop” (2:41)
“Tonight’s second guest is a very popular economist within his sphere of influence, mainly that of some of our American Indian tribes who scalp the white man by successfully offering ‘something for nothing’ in their ever-popular casinos. Chief New Leaf used to stand by us, holding his rifle at port arms, intimidating Iowans. But let me hastily add that Iowa has embraced Trump so maybe the Chief will relent on his steadfast avoidance of the place. Anyway, welcome to the show.”
“And glad to be here. Thank you for inviting me; I always enjoy our time together.”
“Likewise, I’m sure. When I learned that you used to teach economics, I knew that you were the perfect person to explain ‘Bidenomics’ to us. What exactly is Bidenomics?”
“Bidenomics is the deliberate destruction of Capitalism in the United States. It is the elimination of the pipelines to transfer cheap energy, it is the arson of production facilities, and it is fooling the public that they’re not paying more for less.”
“How’s that done, the more for less?”
“Same size box but instead of 16-oz. it’s 14.5 and then to be even more sneaky, they switch to the metric system, grams and liters and centimeters and kilometers. What you used to over-pour in a Tupperware container now doesn’t even reach the top. Tin cans are a smidgen smaller but cost more.”
“And the root cause?”
“The cost of energy. Trump [“81 Million Votes, My A**” (3:13)] had us energy-independent: we weren’t even buying one 55-gallon barrel of oil from the Arabs to fund jihad. And to top it off, we were about to enter the world’s stage to cut OPEC out of the loop completely, thereby stopping the funding of Muslims from murdering Jews, Hindus, and Christians and to also deny Iran the money to buy plane tickets to send their missionaries worldwide.”
“Missionaries?”
“Muslims. Wherever there are Muslims, Sharia is just around the corner, it’s just a matter of time. As long as we have even one Muslim within our borders, our Constitution is in jeopardy. Sharia is Islamic law where there is no free speech and women are denied equal rights, or no rights. The ‘Religious Police’ are the final arbitrators; their sentencing is law, and the sentences are carried out immediately, even the death sentence.”
“Wouldn’t want that.”
“That’s right, but they do want Sharia. Representatives Omar and Tlaib want Sharia even though they took an Oath to uphold the Constitution.”
“They lied.”
“Of course they lied; lying in the cause of Islam is acceptable.”
“They should be expelled from Congress.”
“Of course they should be expelled, plus deported as of yesterday.”
“Good time to take a break; be right back; don’t go anywhere.”
“Easier to Lie” (4:32)
“You were telling me about this new business of yours. Please continue.”
“Of course. Everyone knows a very, very large percentage of the politicians take bribes, so my idea is to have politicians wear jumpsuits, like racing driver’s wear, with the patches of the companies they take bribes from. And have it honest, like the patch from Boeing can’t be larger than General Electric unless the bribe is larger. I think we need truth more than anything.”
“Truth? What truth are you talking about?”
“The innocent so-called ‘insurrectionists,’ to start, locked up in the Washington, DC gulag, and other gulags, to start [“Justice for All” (2:24)]. Nasty judges, DA’s, and guards. Despicable, and you call yourself civilized? Nonsense. We American Indians were American before the Mayflower’s keel was even laid, and we’re not giving this Republic over to a ragtag bunch of lousy Communists.”
“Well said. And that’s it for this episode. This is your Roving Reporter, along with the Chief, wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Interesting show, this one. Burger time: my treat.”
[Here’s an interesting statistic: Whenever Carlos Sainz wins a Formula One race George Russell crashes on the last lap.]
“Running Bear” (2:34)