by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(Aug. 30, 2023) — “Try That in a Small Town” (3:00)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Madam Shylock [‘Fortune Teller’ (2:41)] has entered the competitive rat race of selling books to the libraries of the world, making her a guaranteed best-seller. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot.”
“Thank you, as Professor ‘Trash-the-masks’ Zorkophsky would say, for giving me the opportunity to hawk my book. It was an easy write; all I did was visit a certain mall in Charlotte, NC, for a five-year time span.”
“What gave you the idea in the first place?”
“Easy: all I did was fall in love with it during my first visit. The parking lot was clean, the parking spaces were wide, and it was safe. And always there were children, little kids with their parents, smiling, and the sound of laughter everywhere. They even had a skating rink on the floor below the main floor that was a focus of interest.”
“How were the stores?”
“Top-notch, from a Sears to a Nordstrom’s.”
“What about the food court?”
“Clean and fresh-smelling. Fresh cookies to delicious Reuben sandwiches. Did I mention clean? And it was the ‘Town Square’ under a roof.”
“So, you went there once a month for five years; what happened?”
“What happened was a gradual decline, starting with purse-snatchings and, because they didn’t throw the book at the thieves, it just got worse. Reminds me of a mall in West Palm Beach where the purse-snatchings got so bad they built guard towers in the parking lots.”
“Did that help any?”
“Are you kidding? Well, come to think about it, it might’ve helped if they had snipers that would’ve administered immediate justice, but they didn’t have the brains to do what should have been done so the mall went broke.”
“Getting back to the mall in Charlotte.”
“Oh, yes. You wouldn’t believe it at Christmastime. Talk about ‘Joy to the World.’ Every store was decorated, the salesgirls were prettier than ever, the young men handsomer as ever and everyone had a smile. Same with Easter with a six-foot Easter Bunny making the kids smile.”
“And then what?”
“Every week it slipped, a little here, a little there. Old stores didn’t renew their leases while new stores popped up with merchandise that didn’t cater to the previous clientele but to the thieves, if you get my drift.”
“We do. Any more?”
“The tone of the kiosks changed from one of sunglasses to cell phones being sold exclusively by Muslim men of military age. Meanwhile, Sears and the other big department stores ran for the hills as the ‘tone’ – atmosphere – of the mall changed from a desirable place to visit to a place to be avoided. Skating rink closed as the sound of children’s laughter faded forever; not even an echo was left. In actuality, the downfall took less than five years, but I devoted an inordinate amount of time documenting how nice the mall was before it went into perpetual decline.”
“So, what happened? I mean, why did it happen?”
“In today’s parlance, the word ‘woke’ would describe it to a ‘T.’ Sanctuary city and district attorneys who thought more of being re-elected than they ever did about justice. And then add the Teachers’ Union where they reward longevity over merit; it’s the recipe for failure, isn’t it? Travon can’t read or do sums, grows up believing that the SPLC and the Dems give a hoot when, in truth, they don’t, not by a long shot, a country mile, or a New York minute. And getting worse.”
“You mentioned phones.”
“Disposable; can’t be traced; one-time use. Apparently, it’s a demand item for some. There’s not one store there now that was there just a couple of years ago; even the skating rink is closed, trashed, destroyed.”
“The mall is no more.”
“Sad truth. It’s the same formula repeated all over the USA but, since nobody cares, the results are the same. You can’t expect different results, and if you’re a shareholder in commercial retail property, you’d best be paying attention or your investment will surely turn to worthless ashes sooner than you think. What do you expect? If I were an investor I wouldn’t invest in malls, because if they can destroy something as beautiful as that wonderful mall in Charlotte in a blink of an eye, what chance does any other place have in our country with our Department of Homeland Security working against us citizens? None: we don’t stand a chance.”
“Could eliminate the DHS.”
“Fat chance, but you’re right, and that’s not the only federal department we need to trash.”
“That’s probably true, but that’s for another show. How come we lowly citizens get it but the government hasn’t a clue? Makes you wonder whose side they’re on. So, your book is a snapshot of what has happened and what is to be; I guess that about sums it up. I’d say without Trump [’81 Million Votes, My A**’ (3:14)] we can expect oblivion. And that’ll do it and so, this is your Roving Reporter, along with Madam Shylock, wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show, subject matter sad but true. Burger time: my treat.”
[‘Pulse’ has received a secret communiqué between ‘The Little People’ and Henry. It seems that the ‘Little People’ are backing Henry to the gills to be Trump’s [‘Trump Won’ (3:30)] next Secretary of Defense, and we at ‘Pulse’ couldn’t agree more, which just goes to show that there’s ‘GOOD NEWS” out there; you just have to look for it.]
“Something’s Coming” (2:25)
Roving Reporter