by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(May 12, 2023) — “Baby Please Don’t Go” (3:34)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. During these trying times, we decided to have a voice of reason speak so we’ve invited Bishop Dunkin to put this border crisis in some sort of perspective. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot.”
“Thank you, Roving, for such an informative introduction. The enemies of our country are really basking today with millions upon millions of illegal people within our borders and we don’t know who the heck they are and, just as important and perhaps even more so, their medical history. How many are carrying viruses that our population isn’t geared to live with? Our public schools will become incubators of TB, whooping cough, diphtheria, measles, and poxes of every variety and combinations that we’ve yet to hear of.”
“You’re saying we live in dangerous times, then.”
“For sure. What I’m saying is that we’re witnessing the end time of our Republic because, once the Judas of our time, Mike Pence, certified the fraudulent votes for Biden, our goose was cooked.”
“But there must be hope.”
“I’ll tell you exactly where we are: we’re within the gas chamber and the doors are closing, that’s where we are.”
“That close?”
“Roving, I’ve heard you say for years, ‘Give me a Navy ship to sail up the Potomac and a company of Patriotic Marines who aren’t dumb enough to follow illegal orders like the cowardly FBI agents who went after Roger Stone and Peter Navarro, and I’ll have this country back on track in one day.’ Am I right or what?”
“You nailed it, Bishop, but I’ve expanded the operations to include ‘sanctuary cities’ and ‘Fake News.’”
“Glad to hear it. Now, to the topic at hand. Abortion is nothing but a sentence of death upon the ‘not guilty,’ right?”
“Right.”
“Americans are a killing people, killing the unborn and newly born without compunction, right?”
“Right.”
“So, suddenly, there’s a new line that we can’t cross? I don’t think so, which is why I advocate execution – the death penalty – for any illegal within our borders or attempting to storm the castle wall, for example, crossing the Rio Grande, right?”
“Right.”
“I remember watching ‘Pulse’ one night a few years ago when you suggested that we buy all those guard towers that the East Germans used to keep their prisoners from escaping to the West; when was that?”
“Yes, I remember, but I don’t recall if they came with machine guns or not. I get your drift; good idea: shoot them before they can storm the walls.”
“Why not? For once the flaming liberals and we will be on the same side, but this time killing for a good reason: keep the invaders out.”
“Yes, but I think they’ll whine for some made-up obscure reason that has absolutely nothing to do with humans who never broke any law but not alright for those who did, do and will continue to do so.”
“And we don’t even know who, or even what, they are, right?”
“Bottom line is that each and every ILLEGAL that Biden and his corrupt administration allowed to enter our country do not respect us, number one; number two is that they are not citizens of the United States and, therefore, are not subject to our penalties for breaking any of our laws such as murder, torture, bombings, rapes, child abuse, molestation, exploitation or anything else. They can – and do – get drunk and kill us and they get off free with a thank-you card and a cash allowance, with the salutation that reads, ‘See you next time.’”
“That’s right, isn’t it? Repeat offenders who illegally enter our country, murder/rape/molest/torture/bomb, get deported and return to repeat the same offense. Of course they hate us and don’t respect us just as much as I hate this administration and don’t respect it any better than they do, if you get my meaning.”
“And I agree with you completely; I’m telling you we haven’t even seen the beginning.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that the places where these people come from are not like ours at all in any respect. It’s called the ‘Macho culture’ and one of the dominant traits is that driving drunk and causing mayhem are accepted as part of life. They run a red light and kill your wife and daughter and it’s quite alright; no charges will be filed; nobody goes to jail; accept it as Fate, the hand of God, they do.”
“So, we can expect a lot more drunk drivers?”
“Every day, and not one penny of insurance. Heck, they won’t even have a driver’s license.”
“This country won’t survive.”
“It’ll survive only if we get serious about saving our Republic.”
“What do you mean?”
“Besides Trump, we need someone in his administration who has the will to deport those who need deporting, as of now. No waiting. And no more deporting convicted MS-13 gang-bangers. The preferred method of execution will be hanging. Keep the cost down to peanuts compared to this lethal injection nonsense. Maybe if we’d execute the convicted the same way they murdered we wouldn’t have so many murders.”
“Good point. And why not televise the event?”
“No reason not to. I see that my time is almost up so I’d like to say a prayer for our country if I may?”
“Most certainly.”
“Dear Lord, this is Bishop Dunkin calling. I know that I’m a sinner but I’m not here about myself. I’m talking to you just now to ask if you could add a few patriotic I.Q. points to Mitch McConnell and some others in Congress who have been lost all of their worthless lives. I don’t know if it’ll help but it sure as heck can’t do any more harm than what’s already been done since ‘Let’s go Brandon!’ (2:24) came on the scene Jan. 20, 2021.
“Our great Republic was built upon the Bible, and most of us give a hoot while some of us couldn’t care less. I know you can’t fix ‘stupid’ but maybe it’s worth a try. Maybe send the Dems to China and let them see firsthand what they’re clamoring for.
“I guess that’s about it. Sorry to have bothered you, but some of us down here kind-of like our country and are sorry to see it end.
“I’d like to mention that Henry is a good Christian and would appreciate a helping hand in becoming one of Trump’s (3:30) leading advisors, maybe as the Secretary of Defense; would that be asking too much? If it is I apologize but I still think it’s a good idea. If you think that Henry could serve better somewhere else be sure to let him know since he kind-of has his mind set on being the next Secretary of Defense.
“I think that’s it for now. Notice that I didn’t ask for any smites or paybacks so I should get an honorable mention here and there; wouldn’t you agree? I surely hope so.
“This is your ever humble and undeserving Bishop signing off with a heartfelt and sincere ‘amen.’ Amen.”
“Well-done, Bishop Dunkin. I’m sure He’ll smile upon your request most favorably. And now, on behalf of Bishop Dunkin, this is your Roving Reporter wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
“You Send Me” (2:45)
Roving Reporter