by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(May 1, 2023) — “The Good Lord and the Man” (3:32)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Today’s guest is from a long line of negotiators. Did I read that right? You mean your father was a negotiator? Oh, I’m sorry. Allow me to introduce Mister Pierre Schultz from Switzerland.”
“Austria.”
“From Austria. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot.”
“I don’t believe you. Your camera is nothing but a cheap phone. How can anybody watch you?”
“This is America, pal; we can do anything.”
“You used to do anything, nowadays not so much. Your president, that “Let’s go Brandon’ guy, is a worldwide joke. Everybody laughs at him, and they laugh at you for tolerating such a nitwit on the world stage. If it was WWII Hitler would have won with Biden in charge.”
“Thanks for cluing us in. If our military wasn’t as corrupt as our politicians…”
“So you say. Why am I here and how do you pay me?”
“You’re here to make a prisoner exchange, even-Steven; one-for-one. For every Jan.-Sixer (2:24) they release we’ll give them a real insurrectionist.”
“Sounds fair and easy to do. How do I get paid?”
“Easy. The wealth of everyone who had a hand in incarcerating the Jan.-Sixers will be liquidated and divided among the Jan.-Sixers.”
“No way.”
“From the corrupt judges who issued the orders to the guards who, well, to the guards. Everyone, no exceptions, and that includes everyone who reported them as ‘insurrectionists’; we’ll not let anyone slide.”
“What if they won’t go for it?”
“They’ll go for it. This is TOP SECRET: we’ll sail a Navy ship up the Potomac, and if they refuse, well, we have some pretty big guns, right?”
“That sounds like intimidation, a threat. I don’t negotiate with threats.”
“Then what the heck, call it a ‘promise’; will that work?”
“That’ll work just fine. You have that list? Oh, my, Barry Soetoro, aka Obama, is at the top, then you have Hillary and Pence; McConnell and the Muslims; and Lindsey Graham and all the other RINOs; Eric Swalwell and Pelosi; and a who;e bunch of total losers, including Liz Cheney and Lori Lightfoot. I like it and I think it’ll go really smooth. Bring that ship in and we’ll get this sealed and delivered ASAP. Heck, I may even do it for free.”
“I thought you’d go for it. See these Little People? They may look small, but they carry a big punch. They can run through A/C ducts like nobody’s business. And this here is Chief New Leaf , who’ll be your driver.”
“Very well-organized, Roving. I take back my statement about your camera.”
“We all set? I’ll captain the ship and let you know when to, well, when to; you know what I mean. We’re good?”
“We’re good, Roving. And let me say I’m proud to be part of your team.”
“And we’re proud that you’re proud.”
“But don’t you have a mascot? Back home, every military unit has a mascot.”
“See this flag?”
“That frog flag?”
“That ain’t no frog, that’s Henry. He’s our mascot, the next Secretary of Defense. He’ll be the best Secretary of Defense this country ever had. Cost-cutting while increasing quality; mark my words. Make Trump proud (3:30). Let’s get this show on the road.”
“The Speech Worth Hearing” (6:43)