by Roving Reporter, ©2022
(Jul. 9, 2022) — “Daydream Believer” (3:00)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ’The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Guess who made the bestseller list again, or maybe I should say, yet again? Heck, why not go for it: again, and again. That’s right, Professor Zorkophsky has yet another hit on his hands and he’s here to hawk his latest, ‘We’re Alone but Not.’ Welcome back, Professor Zorkophsky, or would you prefer to be called ‘Zork’? It’s your call.”
“That’s a tough one; let me think about it and I’ll get back to you. ‘Zork’ will do just fine, thank you for asking.”
“You didn’t think about it very long.”
“Oh, on the contrary, but I did. You see, I’m on ‘Trump Time,’ which is to say, even though you and I have the same 24 hours in a day, I accomplish a magnitude of tasks to your one.”
“I’m sorry I asked.”
“Don’t be. Now let’s start hawking my new book; we’re burning daylight.”
“Okay, explain the title, ‘We’re Alone but Not.’ What in the heck does that mean? And you say you have proof; well, then, prove it.”
“I’m sorry, you’re just going to have to trust me. Hold it; at least allow me to start from the beginning. First of all, I never dream, but lately I’ve been having these dreams. They have to come from somewhere, right?”
“So, you think, what, aliens are contacting you? And you say you’re a psychiatrist?”
“But I am a psychiatrist; I’ve written a whole lot of psychiatry textbooks for the amateur psychiatrist, as you well know.”
“You know what: I’ve always wanted to ask you about that. I never heard of any ‘amateur psychiatrist.’ I think you made it all up.”
“I need to take a break. How about a commercial?”
“Dream Lover” (2:30)
“And we’re back with Zork who was about to explain his new book, ‘We’re Alone but Not.’ Take it away.”
“Here’s the deal. We live, meaning the atoms in our universe have a counterpart, a twin if you will, that takes the same path as our atoms do but not quite. The ‘not quite’ part of the equation is that, in the parallel universe, Liz Cheney has a brain, a conscience and an ounce of integrity, the three things she lacks in our universe.”
“No way. Tell us another one.”
“The bodyguards of Shinzo Abe, the former prime minister of Japan, did their job in the parallel universe. The bumper sticker, ‘It took 2000 Mules to install one Jack***,’ is on every vehicle, including wheelchairs. ‘The View’ apologized for the ‘Russian Hoax.’”
“I think we heard enough.”
“Nancy Pelosi confessed to insider trading. Hillary turned herself in. Elvis was discovered, alive and well, in a treehouse somewhere on the Appalachian Trail, singing, ‘If We Never Meet Again*’ (2:03).”
“So, everything is hunky-dory?”
“Why not? If you’re going to dream, dream big.”
“Works for me. Buy the book where fine books are sold. Thank you for visiting with us, Zork. Let’s take a quick commercial break and be right back. Don’t go anywhere.”
“Baby’s Gotten Good At Goodbye” (3:56)
“And we’re back with another old friend, Chief New Leaf. How.”
“How what?”
“You know: how?”
“You white men think Indian stupid. Let me tell you something: since we got our gambling casinos, we scalp you every day, so there. Now who do you think stupid? Why, half the cars in the casino’s parking lot are cars that the title was signed over to us on a poker hand. Heck, most of the used cars at used car lots are cars that white men lost to us Indians.”
“What do you say we change the subject to current events, can we?”
“Ask away.”
“Biden.”
“He one mentally sick old man who has a disease of the brain, had it all his life, and it’s called greed. Very bad when enough is never enough. Like to see him at one of our casinos. He puppet of his Chinese masters. Very bad for you; very bad for me; very bad for us all, stupid Dems, too.”
“Some Indians are Dems.”
“And some Indians are just as stupid as some of you, so there. We want America energy dominant; we want Trump as our Great White Father. Our country won’t last long with Biden, and I do not speak with forked tongue.”
“We want Trump back, too.”
“I read The P&E every day. One of you has a person who wants a company of Marines and one Navy destroyer, is that right?”
“Yes, that’s quite correct.”
“What do you say I lead an Indian uprising and join forces for the good of all?”
“I’m with you all of the way, because if we don’t do something, there won’t be enough left to do it to.”
“Amen.”
“Amen, and with that, on behalf of the Chief, this is your Roving Reporter wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
[The EU was designed to facilitate the Muslim invasion and, guess what? They gotta live somewhere, so this happens. I’m not surprised; I’ve been against the EU from day one, but no one listens to a lowly writer, do they?]
As a tribute to Shinzo Abe, please enjoy the last two songs while you contemplate his friendship with President Trump and his unwavering steadfast support of Taiwan’s independence. I spent some time in Japan and loved every minute of it. I took Judo lessons, and it was those very lesson that saved my life when I was attacked by two Chinese men walking back to the Hong Kong Hilton after spending the day at the American Embassy. I cried when I got divorced, when my dog died and when I heard the dreadful news of Shinzo Abe’s passing.
“Sukiyaki” (3:08)
Comments
One response to “Parallel Universe Discovered, with Proof (RR)”
Sorry, I failed to mention during my attack, one of the attackers had a knife at my throat. I guess they figured I was drunk, a US sailor, in uniform, walking alone at night. Well, what can I say except here I am.
RR