by Roving Reporter, ©2022
(May 27, 2022) — “God Bless America” (2:49)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Today’s guest is Madam Shylock, our fortune-teller extraordinaire, who requested a little airtime which we were more than happy to give her. Welcome back to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot.”
“Glad to be here, Roving, and thank you for giving me the time to speak to America unimpeded by hovering FBI goons who follow illegal orders unquestionably.”
“But safe to say that they’re listening and reading the transcript of the show in The P&E.”
“No doubt. Too bad they didn’t use the same enthusiasm on 9-11. I wanted to come on the show to remind people what happened on January 6 and who the real insurrectionists are.
“First of all, anyone who doesn’t believe that thousands upon thousands of illegal votes were counted in the early morning of Nov. 4 has one heck of a serious reality problem that needs to be addressed before it festers to the point of becoming a Liz Cheney or a Joy Behar, undoubtedly two of the stupidest people on our planet today.
“VP Mike Pence’s certification of obviously illegal votes was the worst moment in the history of our Republic, worse than Fort Sumpter, Pearl Harbor and 9-11 combined. At no time in our nation’s history has as much damage been done to our Constitution in one fell swoop.
“That an insurrection occurred is a known fact, but it wasn’t the civilians who were peacefully protesting the takeover by the Joint Chiefs and, by extension, the rest of the government which supported the takeover. No, the insurrectionist were Mike Pence and all who accepted the fake votes as legitimate, thereby assuring that enough Electoral Votes favored Biden rather than Trump.
“Our country and the rest of the world watched in horror as the Joint Chiefs accepted the destruction of the Constitution and then watched, again as the lie that those peaceful demonstrators were the insurrectionists rather than Pence and all those in Congress who accepted the lie.
“Today the lie must stop. Today we are calling Mike Pence a Judas and all who support the most dishonest election in the history of elections. We are making it very evident that anyone who supports this so-called Jan. 6 Committee is nothing more than a traitor, because this committee sure isn’t following the law of the land.
“Yes, there was an insurrection but not who the committee is investigating. The committee needs to focus on the real perpetrators, starting with Biden-Harris, Pelosi, Schumer, McConnell and all the other swamp creatures who turned their backs on the Constitution and thrust the dagger of misery in each of our hearts. Gone, with one thrust, is the Beacon of Freedom; gone is the dream of ‘One Nation, under God’; gone is the middle class; gone are our libraries* that haven’t been censored to the gills; gone will be our First and Second Amendments, for they will STOP AT NOTHING TO GET OUR GUNS.
“And once they confiscate our weapons to defend ourselves from a tyrannical government, all is lost. Once we give in to ‘The Lie’ and the ‘Clot Shot,’ we will have squandered the freedoms that so may have died and suffered for. Our politicians seem to be hopeless in instigating the enforcement of the laws on the books: it is a felony to falsify a vote; it is against the law to falsify information on an application for citizenship; it is against the law to be in our country illegally.
“I don’t care what laws are passed by Congress if they are unconstitutional, which brings us to our corrupt politically-motivated courts. The Dems couldn’t get by their Socialist agenda legally so they used the courts to push Socialism and Anarchy down our throats. The weak link in our Republic is the judges who rule by political expediency rather than by the Constitution.
“Now I must go and tell people’s fortunes, but before I leave here’s a bit of advice to the district attorneys, judges and our so-called law enforcement: if you follow an illegal order, don’t act surprised when you’re asked to pay the piper, that’s all. One more item: be armed and practice, practice, practice. Shotguns are good: just point and shoot. Thank you, Roving, for letting me spout. Bye.”
“Any time, Madam Shylock, any time. Good time to take a quick break; don’t go anywhere.”
“Knee Deep in the Blues” (2:09)
“And we’re back with Larry, a retired military policeman. Welcome to the most-watched information show in its time slot, Larry.”
“And glad to be here, Roving. Never thought I’d be on your show; used to watch you back in the day when you reported across the street from the railroad station years ago when you waylaid commuters.”
“So, we had another school shooting.”
“I hope none of your listeners are surprised; I mean, does anybody remember Columbine?”
“The school shooting in 1999.”
“That’s right. Well, a good friend of mine got this idea, after watching the massacre at Columbine, for a SWAT conversion kit and he’s made millions off it.”
“Okay, you got me. What’s a ‘SWAT conversion kit?’”
“Basically, it’s a roach coach in disguise.”
“Roach coach, Geedunk truck, lunch wagon, you know. So, what they do is strip the insides and install, get this, a donut-making machine. Also, hot dogs and burgers. Fresh coffee, and they even have a toilet.”
“Because some farsighted entrepreneur figured out that if the kids never went to Sunday School and there’s no longer the Draft, they would never grow up, never experience normal life’s crossroads that young men in other countries, since time immemorial, had to go through. It’s a rite of passage.”
“A few years ago, I think in 2012, there was a presidential candidate who suggested that all teachers and policemen had to be combat veterans; do you remember him? And that all the teachers be armed.”
“Yes, I remember him; he was a write-in candidate, wasn’t he?”
“That’s right. Anyway, about the police. Turns out that they didn’t want any of their policemen to be veterans, people who took the Oath seriously. Veterans know, if there’s a school shooter, to go in – just two who work as a team – and take the shooter out. But the police didn’t want anyone who would question illegal orders.”
“You don’t ‘Serve and Protect’ by eating donuts and drinking coffee, waiting for the shooter to run out of ammo.”
“No, I wouldn’t suppose so. So that’s the difference between someone who never served and a combat Veteran?”
“It’s the difference of the work ethic: all the police want to do is to get home safe; Veterans want to get the job done, and never the two shall meet, which is why you can’t mix them together: sooner or later one of them will be shot in the back.”
“Seems a little harsh, saying it like that.”
“Some realities shouldn’t be ignored, like a population where every male must serve in the military compared to a country like ours, and there’s the answer, at least one of them, if not the most important one. There’s a school of thought that the failures of our education system are equal to the ending of the Draft, as in today’s recruits couldn’t pass the most basic intellectual requirements, as in the square root of 100.”
“Wouldn’t make the teachers’ union look too good.”
“That’s true, but I think the politicians would rather let the country go down the tubes than vote for the Draft and risk losing getting reelected.”
“That’s even more true.”
“So, the school shooting was a real mess, showed everyone the fallacy of not hiring Veterans, people who went through the wringer, and if any of you don’t think WWII-style Boot Camp is any picnic, better think again.”
“The Dems want to abolish the Second Amendment.”
“There’s a famous photograph, I think taken at the Auschwitz Concentration Camp, that shows a pile of wedding rings with the caption, ‘Before they confiscated the wedding rings, they confiscated the guns.’ As they say, a photograph is worth a thousand words.”
“Sure, and now we must sign off, so this is your Roving Reporter, on behalf of Larry, wishing you all a good night: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
[*Libraries: Many of our libraries have removed Mark Twain from their shelves.]