by Chief New Leaf, ©2021
(Jun. 11, 2021) — “The Sound of Music” (1:51)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. As we were leaving Madam Shylock‘s Fortune-Telling Emporium the other day, we ran across Henry; wait, let me rephrase that: we saw Henry on his pad so we stopped to talk with him. The following is the transcript of that conversation.”
“Hey, Henry, what’s happening?”
“What’s up, Chief? Here I am, relaxing on my pad, and you’d be amazed at what you can learn by just listening.”
“Like what? Seems pretty quiet to me, except for the hum of all the airplanes of the world.”
“Now ain’t that the truth? Remember how quiet it was after 9-11? Hear that woodpecker?”
“Barely, but yes, I do.”
“He’s communicating by ‘Woodpecker Morse Code.’”
“We Indians have known ‘Nature Speak,’ but where in tarnation did you come up with that idea?”
“Zork, I mean Professor Zorkophsky, has a bestseller, ‘Life’s Music: It’s All Around Us.’ He writes that every mammal has an understanding equal to a two-year-old. Interesting book, and if you like I’ll send it to you after I’ve finished.”
“Wish I could take you up on that, Henry, but I’m truckin’ in my RV these days. So how about sharing any new observations with me, after we take a short commercial break?”
“Glad to.”
“I Just Can’t Help Believin’” (2:58)
“So what’s up?”
“Obama and his sidekick, Eric Holder, took the hate of ‘The Nation of Islam’ up a notch and went national with it and it’s coming home to roost, is what’s happening. You have greed marrying marginal and the word ‘free’ takes on a brand-new meaning, as if there is no effort or repercussions in stealing from labor and giving it to the intellectual sloven.”
“This time in English, please.”
“In short, let me just say that this CRT will be the end of Western Civilization as we welcome the abolishing of critical thinking: the ability to postulate competing arguments on any subject, including ‘Flat-Earthers,’ ‘Geocentricists,’ and whether Mozart was as brilliant as we think he was.”
“Did we really walk on the moon?”
“I saw Elvis the other day.”
“The Easter Bunny is a real rabbit.”
“The earth has cycles of warm and cold, which explains why ‘ice ages’ come and go.”
“Biden was elected.”
“Biden runs on all eight cylinders.”
“Islam is ‘peaceful and misunderstood.’”
“If you were to tell strangers in South Side Chicago that, sometime during the last century, a white person said to ‘judge people by the content of their character and not by the color of their skin,’ and if you agreed with that statement, you’d be lucky to escape with your life.”
“Now ain’t that the truth?”
“Do you have any idea how utterly stupid you have to be to believe in reparations’? Oh, sorry, Chief, but you know what I’m taking about.”
“Indeed I do. We call such talk ‘playing child make-believe,’ as in ‘black lives matter, defund the police; and CAIR is not a front for HAMAS.’”
“I just don’t understand why you Americans are so dense.”
“What do you mean, Henry?”
“You must know that what has happened and is happening elsewhere is coming home to roost right here. I mean, you must be able to figure that out. You let in thousands of illegal ‘guest workers’ from points south and act surprised when murders, rapes and child molestations skyrocket, let alone home invasions, auto theft and muggings, especially since our treaty with Mexico forbids us from executing any of them who torture, beat us senseless and murder us.”
“No, I’m sorry, the Dems haven’t figured that out yet.”
“The end game is to get our weapons at any cost, even to the point of abolishing the Constitution. And I hear people say, ‘It won’t happen here,’ but if they would take off their blinders they would see it is happening here and if the Fake News would report it the stupid Dems would know about it. As it is, they’re glued to CNN and MSNBC, so there you have it: recipe for disaster just waiting to happen, and with BIDEN-HARRIS it’ll be sooner rather than later.”
“So Trump won’t fix it?”
“Will he fire the Joint Chiefs of Staff? Will he appoint patriots to his Cabinet rather than Beltway Insiders? Will he tell the UN to get the heck O-U-T and stay out? Will he take the bull by the horns and do what must be done, or will he ‘work with Congress in a bipartisan manner?’”
“So what’s wrong with that?”
“Look around and see where this country is: churches and synagogues attacked and burnt; Jews and Christians beaten on the streets, in broad daylight, no less. We have empowered the thugs, is what we’ve done. Look at Baltimore, Portland, Seattle and any Democratic ‘Sanctuary City’ across the nation and tell me what you see? Look at New York City: thousands of restaurants closed for good, and the Dems applaud. Sickening. I’d put the National Guard in to arrest all the Deep-Staters and the cops who followed illegal orders rather than quit.”
“I’m not too sure about that last one. But then, now that I think about it, if you can’t support the Constitution, you should quit rather than follow an illegal order, such as offering sanctuary to a lawbreaker.”
“What do you say we add anchor babies and DACA freeloaders; have a problem with that?”
“None. I want you to mention the word ‘jail.’”
“Starting with Hillary. Look, if no one goes to jail, all it amounts to is hot air. Talk is cheap and that’s all we’re hearing. I want Trump to say people will pay for this flu and election fraud by LONG prison sentences, because anything less will not change anything anywhere. If there’s no justice, what’s the point of fighting back? Without justice we don’t have a country; without retribution, the crooks will keep on crookin.’”
“You got that right, Henry. Excuse us while we take a short break.”
“Green Acres” (1:43)
“We’re back; take it away, Henry.”
“We have nitwits flying the ‘Palestinian’ flag blocking imports from Israel and the cops stand around and let it happen. Need I say one more word about how convoluted your country has become, no thanks to CAIR and the Muslim Brotherhood and the Dems and the Schumers and Pelosis of America and all the other enemies of the Constitution.”
“Too bad you’re not a U.S. citizen, Henry; you’re the type we need in Washington.”
“Thanks for the compliment. You need to stop your spending: think ‘Flat Tax.’”
“Tell us a little more about animals communicating.”
“I heard the other day that there was this Palmetto Bug that spoke Spanish and wanted to spread the word for us to look at the cockroach population as small vultures who do the cleanup. He said that if humans weren’t so dirty they would spend all their time on landfills instead of on dirty bathrooms and kitchens.”
“Anything from the woodpeckers?”
“Glad you asked. It seems that the Mexican and Canadian woodpeckers are in agreement that they will have no need to look any farther for a comic routine like Biden-Harris.”
“And with that we’ll be wishing you all a goodnight, after a short word to Steve Bannon: you say you went to Harvard; would that be the same Harvard that failed to fire an employee after it was brought to their attention that said employee lied on their employment application*? Tell the truth now: Goodnight.”
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
[*Employment application: even the lowest laborer at a construction site, if it were discovered that they lied on their application, would be fired IMMEDIATELY ON THE SPOT. So the concepts of honor and integrity, at least at Harvard, are, once again, swept under the rug, eh? Sorry, just doesn’t live up to my code of honor.]
“Goodbye to Love” (3:50)