by Professor Zorkophsky, ©2021
(Mar. 27, 2021) — “Doncha’ Think It’s Time?” (1:57)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. We’ve asked the Vietnam Vet to stand by in case there’s a communiqué from the Little People. Hold on. What? Here, take the microphone and you tell it.”
“Howdy, folks. Normal and calm Vietnam Vet here to relay the latest on the campaign of the Little People who are, as we speak, en route to the drop zone. Here, let’s share this live feed from one of the planes that will drop the paratroopers. Hello, Mr. Mayor, can you hear me and how are you receiving?”
“Five-by-five. We’ve run into some terrific headwinds, I’m sorry to report. Over.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. How strong is the headwind? Over.”
“3 mph, but remember we’re in some pretty small planes. You realize, don’t you, we have to stop and refuel every couple of miles? Over.”
“Yes, of course, that goes without saying. When is your ETA? Over.”
“Same time and place, give or take a day or two. Will keep you informed. Over and out.”
“Well, that’s it. It’s a ‘GO,’ Professor Zorkophsky.”
“That good news, indeed, but please call me ‘Zork’; I feel it makes for a more relaxing atmosphere.”
“And people say that I’m nuts. Whatever floats your boat, Zork.”
“It does, as you say, float my boat.’ We’ll touch base before we sign off. Our guest tonight is a trusted member of Trump’s inner circle who wishes to remain anonymous, so what would you like to be called?”
“Since I have a choice, I would like you to call me ‘Ramesses’.”
“You mean like in ‘Ramesses the pharaoh?’”
“Precisely.”
“But why? I mean, why not ‘John’ or ‘Dave?’
“Because I ask my wife to and she says ‘No.’ I tell her I am the king of my pyramid and she says, ‘You don’t even have a pyramid,’ and I say, ‘That’s maybe because you don’t call me “Ramesses.”‘”
“Stop it right there. We have just so many minutes in our show so let’s cut to the chase: why are you here? You can give us your answer after this important commercial.”
“For A Few Dollars More” (3:17)
“And we’re back with Ramesses to tell us why he bothered to show up at the studio at 3:00 a.m.”
“A few years ago there was this presidential candidate* who said, if he were elected, he would require all high school students to take firearm safety courses and upon graduation all the girls, along with their diplomas, would be awarded a lightweight .357 magnum revolver. Now, don’t you think it’s time we start protecting our women instead of reporting DOA stories?”
“Yes, I do. And I remember the diploma and guns. Made sense to me then and it makes sense to me now, even more so with all the nuts Biden-Harris are purposely importing, making our country a lot more dangerous for our womenfolk.”
“Furthermore, this presidential candidate said that, in order for a woman to get or renew her driver’s license, she would have to show, in her purse, a loaded gun.”
“I remember that one, too. And I still think it’s a darn good idea. Well, Ramesses, maybe you’re not so nuts after all. And we’ve run out of time and so…”
“Hold it, sorry to interrupt, but this communiqué just came in. Would you like me to read it to you?”
“Feel free to, Vietnam Vet, who is normal and calm.”
“Thank you, Zork. Here it is:
To The Pulse of the Nation:
Made deal with nation-wide convenience store: they gave us permission to land on their roofs and we will, in turn, purchase lighter fluid or charcoal starter to power our engines. Things are really progressing.
We have pulled our negotiators out; I mean, why not, since the Dems do not respond to reason. Remember this: it was they who did the coup; all we’re trying to do is to restore our Republic by restoring the Constitution, as in the ‘Rule of Law,’ something that Pelosi forgot, that is, if she ever knew it in the first place.
Will keep you informed.
Keep your powder dry.
Sincerely,
Mayor of the Little People
“How about them apples?”
“Looks as if things are moving along. I think it would behoove Biden-Harris, Dem members of Congress, all judges and the Joint Chiefs of Staff to resign and leave, like now. It’ll happen anyway: you can make it easy on yourselves or not; makes absolutely no difference to us, believe me. And with that, on behalf of the Vietnam Vet and Ramesses, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
[*presidential candidate: OPOVV.]
“Unchained Melody” (4:32)
Professor “Trash the masks” Zorkophsky