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“WE LIVE BY COMMON SENSE”
by OPOVV, ©2019
(May 30, 2019) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to a special edition of ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the show that needs no introduction. Hello, I’ll be your host, Roving, here at an undisclosed location in the heart of New York State, on the banks of the St. Regis River, standing with Bob K., the grandson of Mr. K. as, I’m sure you’ll all remember, invited us up to his farm to witness an Alien Visitation. So Bob, your message wasn’t quite clear; you said you had something that may be of interest to us but we had to keep it a secret.”
“That’s so, Roving. I contacted ‘Pulse’ because you’re the one show that isn’t hesitant to report far-out and outlandish stuff. Hold on: look, I know you only report the truth — my grandfather taught me that — which is why I called you. I’ve been visiting this neck of the woods for the last 30 years and know it well – or at least I thought I did – until just the other day when I stumbled across a land that took my breath away.”
“Well, Bob, you certainly got our attention. What is it that you found?”
“Look, I’ll have to ask you to just film the wildlife and not what we’re about to see. I mean, that’s what I agreed to.”
“Okay, fair enough; let’s see what you’ve got; or not see what piqued your interest.”
“Did you all come equipped with hiking gear as I requested?”
“They don’t call me ‘Roving’ for nothing, Bob. Lead on.”
Through the magic of editing we hiked up and down, around and through, until we came across a truly magnificently breathtaking little valley below us, after a three-hour trek.
“Wow, some hike. So, this is it? Are we really high up or maybe I’m seeing things?”
“No, you’re not ‘high up’ and you’re not ‘seeing things.’ Come this way, but I must warn you: stay on the path.”
And then we carefully went down into the peaceful little valley and came to a moss-covered clearing where deer were grazing and raccoons were catching crawfish from the stream.
“Watch where you step, now, Roving and crew. That’s right, step over those tracks and come over here, in the shade of the old oak tree and we’ll sit as we wait for the train.”
This commercial was inserted back in the office the next day.
“I’ll Go Home with Bonnie Jean” (2:40)
“And here it comes now, right on time. Mr. Mayor, I introduce to you Roving and crew of “Pulse’ fame.”
“How do you do, Mr. Roving and crew. It is indeed an honor and privilege to meet you. I’m sure Bob made it quite clear of the need to keep our autonomy intact.”
“Yes, he did, and I can certainly see why. I’ve a thousand questions for you.”
“And I’ve none for you.”
“First question: even though your world is this valley, you must know that the air that you breathe comes from somewhere else; that the land you live on is a planet in a solar system; that our star (our sun) is just one of billions in the galaxy that we call the Milky Way, which is just one of billions of galaxies in the universe.”
“Let me answer your question this way: a long time ago a circus passed about a hundred miles north of here and there were some ‘little people’ who wanted to make a new life in the boondocks. They enlisted the help of Eleanor (yes, that’s right, the elephant), who ran off and, on the way to this valley, came across a landfill — that happened to have this Lionel train set that we converted to steam – and a bunch of other stuff like a black-and-white TV that we use as our drive-in theater. I believe we are 1/43 size and we wish to remain free of the turmoil — or as free as possible — of the outside world.”
“Okay; you’ve a community in the middle of nowhere. To whom do you owe allegiance?”
“To the USA, but we don’t pay taxes and we don’t use money. We pay with labor or food and we mind our own business. We have every political party in the world here but we all support Trump. We have elections just as you do, but we don’t allow complete idiots and those who were not vetted on our ballots: Obama, Hillary, McCain, Pelosi, Ryan, Ted Kennedy, Harry Reid, and the Chuck Schumers we don’t allow.”
“I guess that makes sense.”
“Okay, smart guy, let’s say you got yourself an election and Adolf Hitler shows up: are you going to put his name on the ballot?”
“Well, we’ve got to follow the law, right?”
“Even if by following the law you’re shooting yourself in the foot? So you follow the law and they build a gas chamber; what then? Look, the law is great but there’s nothing written where you have to choose between getting killed or getting killed.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Your so-called laws let Rashida Talib and Ilhan Omar into your Congress: what are you, crazy? At some time, at some point somebody has to think, understand? The population of this valley is a steady 20,000 that’s broken-down into ten separate villages and, guess what? There’s not one person who buys into stupid, get it?”
“I think so.”
“We don’t have one Omar because we don’t have one person who wants to kill us, and that’s the difference between our world and your world: we live by common sense, while you live by collective stupidity: you have allowed CAIR – Muslim Brotherhood – to conduct operations in your country.”
“I see your point. So, you have no illegal immigration, right?”
“Because of the swamp?”
“Yes, and people like Morning Joe, people who are vain enough to believe that people like and admire them for grandstanding a belief that’s a lie. So, in short, we don’t allow nuts in our valley. See this train? Pretty neat, don’t you think? This whole valley is just one big train layout. We even have a flea circus.”
“Glad you could join us, Roving and crew. You’ve a long hike back and you don’t want to be caught wandering in the hills after dark: you could stumble and break your leg, plus there are bears. Be off now. I’m glad I got to meet you, Roving, and always enjoy watching your show. Bye.”
“Goodbye, Mr. Mayor.”
And through the magic of editing we made it back just as the sun was setting.
“Well, Bob, I don’t know how this will be received: a land where common sense is common; a land that follows the Constitution but balks at stupidity; and a land that practices what it preaches. What would we do without the Chinese kickbacks, eh? Thanks for the invite, Bob. See you around.”
“Bye, Roving and crew.”
“Well, folks, you heard it the same as I: if we don’t get behind Trump and get rid of the swamp, this NEW WORLD ORDER will be the end of our country and the end of the world’s beacon for hope. I see that it’s that time to call it a night, and so this is one very tired reporter with one very bushed crew wishing you all a good night: Goodnight.
“Some show. Imagine, a little valley with little people growing stuff and riding toy trains. Reminds me of Brigadoon. We have to support Trump for he is, without a shadow of a doubt, our last chance to save our Republic. Each of us is a witness. Let’s get back to the motel, but first let’s grab a burger: my treat.”
“The Mountain’s High” (2:12)