“PHONEY-BALONEY JOBS”
by OPOVV, ©2016
(Apr. 6, 2016) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another exciting episode of ‘Pulse of the Nation’ where, as you can plainly see, we’re on the midway of a carnival. We’ve been hearing rumors of an elephant that talks, so I surmise that the most likely place to ask questions would be at the fortuneteller‘s tent.
“And here we are, a tent decorated with purple stars, gold half-moons and silver comets. The pathway is lined with 10’ aluminum poles spaced about 6’ apart with pennants of multi- colors and designs flying from the top. This one reads: ‘Is Love Around the Corner?’ Another one: ‘Has Your Ship Arrived?’
“And here we are ringing the bell. It’s Roving and crew, is that okay? Ah, we’re invited in. Okay, I’ll sit here and she wants the camera set up behind that curtain so the picture is fuzzy. Molly — our sound-boom girl – can set up right at the table, on my left.
“Since the picture will be out-of-focus for our viewers, I’ll describe what I see and what I see is the most beautiful woman in the world who doesn’t want to be photographed. My, oh, my, but those are the most gorgeous in-depth blues eyes I’ve ever seen. And your name is? Oh, she doesn’t want her voice recorded, either.
“She wrote on a piece of paper ‘Madam Shirlee Powell, Fortuneteller Extraordinaire Extranormal. Please be patient while I unveil the crystal ball.’
“Okay, now the cover is off the crystal ball and she’s miming for me to ask a question. Good thing I don’t have to mine my question about the elephant that talks.
“Here goes: I understand that there’s an elephant that talks around here somewhere, is that true?
“The fortuneteller is staring intently into the crystal ball. The atmosphere is intense. And now, as she removes her hands from around the glowing orb, she looks up and nods . . . YES!
“Oh, good, our expense account is justified: the quest for the talking pachyderm is not a illusion.
“Second question: can we talk to it?
“Again the hands go around the crystal ball as she stares deeply and spreads her arms with upright palms in a ‘Who knows?’ gesture.
“Can we at least see it?
“She reaches over the table and unplugs the microphone. ‘Tell your cameraman to stop filming, then we’ll go to rear of the tent.’
“The Madam says, ‘Thank you. Now follow me.’
“We leave our equipment behind as we follow her out into a fenced-in area behind the tent and there we spot an adolescent elephant, about 6’ tall, rolling in the dirt under the tree.”
“‘I’m sorry to say that Eleanor is deaf and blind, has been since birth. If I tap my foot . . . thusly . . . the vibrations in the ground will let her know where I am and that I want to give her a treat, like this Eskimo Pie. And here she comes. Say hello to Eleanor.”
“Hello, Eleanor. Pleased to meet you.”
“Hello. Thank you for the ice cream. I don’t recognize your scent. What can I do for you?”
“So you hear my voice vibrations because you have such big ears.”
“Precisely.”
“So, what do you do all day?”
“She didn’t tell you?”
“I didn’t tell them anything other than that you’re deaf and blind.”
“And that is true. My work is that I represent the Republican Party, believe it or not. The RNC foots the bill for my room and board. It is I, and I alone, who calls the shots for the established phony-baloney jobs in Washington.”
“But what about the country? What about the Constitution?”
“What Constitution?”
“Why, the Constitution of the United States, that’s what.”
“What Constitution? Look, I’m a deaf and blind elephant, what do I know – or care – about any Constitution. All I care about is that I get room and board and do my phony-baloney job, just like everyone else that’s associated with the RNC AND the DNC.”
“So you don’t care about America? About Muslim immigration?”
“Honest answer? NO, got it? N-O. I’m greedy, and if some poor sod bought the farm in World War II defending FREEDOM, who cares? This is 2016 and I’ve got it made. I don’t upset the apple cart, nor should you.
“Look, there’s this nut case who writes for The Post & Email News blog who has this notion that mankind has been fighting for freedom for thousands of years and we’re to honor all who have sacrificed so there IS an America, The Beacon of Freedom, today. So what?
“The fact is that most people are very shallow; think shallow thoughts; and, consequently, live shallow lives. They don’t care about Spartacus, or Jesus, or anyone who would question the authority of whoever’s in charge.
“Nobody cares. Members of the John Birch Society had it right: they warned about being taken over from within but, ‘They would not listen – they’re not listening still; perhaps they never will’. Giving up freedom is easy; the hard part is getting it back but the dumb ‘Anyone but Trump’ folks don’t know that and couldn’t care less if they did.”
“So the heck with America?”
“If people want to vote for Hillary or Sanders, Kasich or Cruz, it’s the same result. Trump, on the other hand, is the only savior you have and, if history teaches us anything, we’re just not ready to be the custodians of freedom. It’s too much for the masses to handle.
“I’m sorry to say that people are dumb. You let a Muslim be your president for the past 7 years and have done nothing, nothing at all, to deport or curtail the immigration of Muslims into your country. You’ve given up. None of you care.
“If I were in charge I would line you all up and shoot you for being so stupid as to allow your country to be destroyed. Hey, just look at what the Wisconsin voters did for your country. Step-by-step; closer-and-closer and one day you’ll wake up and Sharia will be the law of the land, but by then it’ll be too late because there’s no redress for addressing grievances under Sharia.
“And why’s that, you may well ask? Here’s the big news for you all: while you were all cheering for your team during whatever playoffs, the courts have been taken over. Reference the LTC Terry Lakin kangaroo Court-Martial if you don’t believe me; or how many times presidential candidates have received a ruling of ‘NO STANDING’ in questioning Obama’s eligibility.
“The only thing you have, right now, is the Second Amendment, as if your ‘GUN FREE ZONE’ and ‘SAFE AREA’ have any meaning any more than ‘HOPE and CHANGE’ ever did.
“Now I’m going back and rolling in the dirt; it makes me feel good. I don’t care about facts but I do care about feeling good. You’ve bothered me long enough.
“And another thing: I don’t care about Veterans. Get rid of them; let them die at 22+/day and more. Those are the ones who took the Oath to the Constitution and those are the very people we don’t need around anymore. They like guns; they have guns and they use guns. The VA has been run very well for many years, thank you all very much. Goodbye.”
“And good riddance. Crazy as it seems, somehow it makes perfect sense. Kind of like the ship is sinking so let’s steal whatever’s in the safe. Stupidity running rampant throughout America, from Hillary to Cruz: what difference does it make?
“Well, here we are, back out on the midway with our microphone and camera. As you know, most of our broadcasts are taped in the morning, then we grab lunch, and then back to the studio to do the editing, which is where we’re off to now.
“I’m waving goodbye to the fortuneteller and I’ll be wishing you, our viewers, on behalf of my crew, a good night: Goodnight.
“You believe that, a talking elephant? Too bad we couldn’t have filmed it. That elephant sure didn’t care for the USA. Like she said, they really don’t care about anything except their phony-baloney jobs. Let’s follow our noses to that burger stand we passed by on the way in. My treat.”