The Earflap Fairy (RR)


by OPOVV, ©2019

Photo: Free-Photos at Pixabay

(Nov. 17, 2019) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to a new format of ‘The Pulse of the Nation.’ That’s right, today we’re going to have a talk show with Professor Zorkophsky where you, the viewer, can ask Zork anything under the sun; just call the number on the screen.”

“Excuse me, Roving, but since we’re not in my utopian office, but rather in your rather sparse studio, I think it would be proper if you would address me as ‘Professor Emeritus for the Analysis of the Psychos Around Us.’”  

“You’re kidding. Wait, we’ve got a call already; go ahead and pick up.”

“Hello, Zork here; how may I help you?”

“First let me say that I’m a great fan of yours and read most of your books. Here’s my problem: I’m a newlywed and the neighbor’s dogs keep barking at my door every morning, so my wake-up call is my wife yelling at the dogs, ‘Go home! Go home!’ I’m telling you, it drives me nuts.”

“Mind telling us your name?”

“Sorry, no can do: my wife reads The P&E every night.”

“Okay, we can work around that. Now, where did you get married?”

“On the beach by a Justice of the Peace.”

“Well, Mr. Newlywed, I’ll tell you how it works. Had you gotten married in a church, when the person in authority pronounced you man and wife, an angel would have come down from heaven and given you earflaps that you could close to shut out your wife’s voice; all other sounds would not be affected.”

“But I don’t have any earflaps.”

“Because you didn’t get hitched in the House of God, that’s why, but don’t despair: all is not lost.”

“Thank the Lord.”

“Here’s what you do: before you go to sleep, say this little prayer:

“O righteous and most glorious Earflap Fairy, I’m in desperate need of a couple of flaps, so if you have a few to spare, please give me the ability to live a quiet and peaceful life. Thank you. Your Name.

“I can’t begin to thank you enough, Zork; thank you.”

“You’re entirely welcome and the pleasure is all mine. Roving is telling me we’ve got to break for a commercial.”

Wishin’ and Hopin’” (2:56)

“The switchboard is lighting up, Zork.”

Image: OpenClipart-Vectors at Pixabay

“I’m sorry; I don’t see any ‘switchboard’; all I see is your phone lit up.”

“Answer it.”

“Zork here, how may I help you? I’m sorry, you’re going to have to speak up; stop whispering. Okay; then email us. He sent an email; should I read it?”

“Go for it, Zork.”

“This is a secret communication from a high-roller who backs Hollywood blockbusters. We are in the process of making a movie, a real-life movie based on a book titled, The Trial.’

“Since it is cheaper for us to use stock historical footage (rather than re-stage Pearl Harbor or 9-11, for example), we have decided to shoot our movie in real time, right in our nation’s capital, using the current Trump impeachment fiasco, filling in for the book’s subject, with real honest-to-goodness ‘sets’: hearings, pundit responses, committee rooms, hallways, media on the steps; you get the idea.

“For those who never read the book, those are the very ones questioning the motives of those afflicted with Trump Derangement Syndrome, so we get the mindless runaround in living color, so to speak.

“We’re using the whole Washington farce as nothing more than a Hollywood movie — in real time — that is for entertainment purposes only, and any resemblance to the truth is entirely coincidental.”

“Okay, Zork, you mind breaking that down for our viewers?”

Franz Kafka (1883-1924) was a prolific writer of surrealism, troubled family relationships, and alienation

“Be glad to. What a brilliant idea: use the news footage of what’s happening —  regarding Trump’s impeachment – as the film for the movie, ‘The Trial,’ by Franz Kafka. The whole movie filmed by others and all you got to do is a little editing and there you have it: the book on film, as it really happened, so to speak, in the convoluted world of Franz Kafka, circa the rise of National Socialism in 1930’s Germany. The suspension of law, rational thought and reason, as the 6 o’clock news, is brought to you by the Deep State.”

“Very well-done, Zork, and with that I’ll be wishing our audience, on behalf of the crew, a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show; I thought the question-answer idea is something we can work with; maybe have Madam ShylockAmbassador Henry or the General as guests to answer the phone. Burger time: my treat.”

I Threw it all Away” (2:24)


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