by OPOVV , ©2018

(Mar. 12, 2018) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ your news source that you can take to the bank, and when we make a mistake at least we’ll owe up to it. Today we’re sending you down to a grade school in Florida where our own fortuneteller, Madam Shylock, out of Casadaga, is visiting Miss Bernard’s 3rd grade class in Ormond Beach. Let’s listen in after this commercial break.”

Easier Said Than Done” (2:09)

“Good morning, class. Today we have a very special guest who makes her living telling young women when Prince Charming will sweep them off of their feet. And here she is, Madam Shylock.”

“Good morning, little people. Like your teacher said, ask me anything. Yes, the little girl in the blue top.”

“How did you get here?”

“Why, I drove; I drove my car.”

“You mean you drove a car? I thought witches rode broomsticks. You do have a broomstick, don’t you?”

“Well, yes, I have a couple of brooms, since you asked. Yes, little boy?”

“When your brooms don’t work, do you take them to a broomstick mechanic?”

“Look, I’m not a witch that goes flying off in the night on a broomstick.”

“I bet you could if you wanted to. You just want to keep the FAA off your back. Do you have a pointed hat like that Wicked Witch of the West had in The Wizard of Oz?”

“Class, let’s not ask Madam Shylock about witches, okay? If she wants to keep secrets that’s her business, isn’t that right, Madam Shylock?”

“But I’m not keeping, as you put it, ‘any secrets.’ Now, does anyone have a question that isn’t about witches and brooms?

Commercial: “My Heart Belongs To Only You” (2:17)

“How come the clocks got pushed forward?”

“Because we witches, Ooops! I didn’t mean to say that; it just slipped out. But the way I understand it is like this: the carrion birds, like crows and vultures, represent the Satanic Side of Life. And it’s up to us to make an annual sacrifice, so now that we don’t sacrifice humans – like we used to – we lure the little helpless animals out an hour sooner and run them over on our modern altars made of gravel, asphalt and concrete. These modern-day altars you know as roads and we have roads (altars) for the chariots (that we call cars) that thirst for dead bones of the living things of the past (that we call oil, to make gasoline). Does that answer your question? Why are they all crying, Miss Bernard?”

“You made them cry when you said that the roadkill is done on purpose, for a reason. Goodbye, Miss Shylock; have a nice ride back on your broom.”

Commercial: “It’s Gonna Take A Miracle” (3:17)

“Well, now, wasn’t that informative, spending time with the little kiddies? Roving here, back in the studio, and that’ll do it for tonight’s show and so, on behalf of the crew from Florida and here at home, I’ll be wishing everyone a goodnight: Goodnight.

“She’s a witch? So maybe her pet frog isn’t really a frog, or even really a pet. Hey, burger time for sure: my treat.”

Season of the Witch” (4:55)






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