“THE GIANT LEAP”
by OPOVV, ©2019
(Jul. 28, 2019) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the place where, if you don’t leave with a smile, we’ll feel let down. That’s right, you’ve tuned in to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ your one stop for the proof we all yearn for; the calming sea in the tempest of discord; the hammock that is designed not to flip you over into a fire ant‘s nest; and the place where any further research is a complete waste of time. That’s right, when we’re right we stand by what we say and when we’re proven not quite 100% we make a retraction and go on with our lives without any unnecessary fanfare. Hello, my name is Roving, your host for tonight’s program. And, as you can plainly see, we’re at our university’s observatory, about an hour’s drive from town, with Doctor Turtle. How do you do, Doctor? You’re related to Chief New Leaf, aren’t you?”
“Everyone in the Cherokee Nation is related to one another, Roving. And, please let’s not be so formal, so instead of addressing me as ‘Doctor Turtle,’ just say ’Doc-Tur’; thank you.”
“Ah, okay. So, give me a minute to collect myself. Let’s take a quick break.”
“Cherokee Morning Song” (3:46)
“So, ah, Doc-Tur, what’s this story about you discovering the meaning of life from looking at stars all day?”
“Night.”
“Night.”
“It’s like this: one day an asteroid or some other object from somewhere else is going to smash into earth and take some people out. The chance of any meaningful warning is a little less than zilch, so my advice is prepare to meet your maker every waking second.”
“That’s it?”
“No, that is not it. There’s more. Our country was built upon Judeo-Christian values that are based on the Golden Rule, which includes ALL Homo Sapiens.”
“Humans.”
“Humans; men and women, old and young; fit and infirm; those who have their faculties intact and those who are in Loony-Tune Land; Republicans, Independents and Democrats; but not people who don’t believe or practice the Golden Rule, those who we describe as animals. It would be a whole lot more accurate if we called them ‘LUNAS,’ the acronym for Professor Zorkophsky’s medically-accepted phrase ‘Loony-Tune Animals.’ You know, the word ‘lunatic’ means ‘nuts,’ from the word ‘luna,’ which means ‘moon.’ Some say the word ‘love’ also means ‘nuts,’ believe it or not.”
“Now that we believe.”
“And so, for some strange collection of reasons, we have an extraordinary number of LUNAS, to use Zorkophsky’s phrase, on our voter registrations these days, which explains the number of LUNAS in Congress.”
“Which explains a lot, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, that it does. You know, before I majored in Anthropology (with a minor in Astronomy), I studied Jurisprudence but had a hard time getting around the basic philosophy to get the guilty off at all cost. You know, the real original reason for a defense lawyer is not to get the guilty off, but to protect the Constitutional rights of the accused. I wasn’t having any part of looking the other way, so I switched majors. Now I study the stars where the truth is in what I think I see and not what someone tells me what I think I see, if that makes any sense.”
“I see.”
“Look, Roving, try and be serious, will you? Our Republic will not stand if those who vote are uneducated and/or not legally qualified. Now, the education part is a little more complicated, but voter identification is pretty straightforward and a simple fix.”
“I agree with you, so why are the Democrats opposed to voter ID?”
“The idea is to take America down, got it? And here’s the crazy part: they have no idea why, okay? That they’re being used is obvious to us, but not to them. Why would a rational person vote for his or her own demise, tell me that? Well, they don’t even know that they’re voting for their chance to stand in line for the showers – hence to the crematoria — that’s how uneducated they are on the reality that is America today. People, regular Americans, voted for Ilhan Omar (0:18) to be their Representative from Minnesota, only to advocate for the destruction of Israel, our only friend in that part of the world.”
“As well I know. After I got out of the Navy I volunteered my services to the IDF, but they said, ‘Thanks, but no, thanks; you’re not Jewish plus you’re too old.’ Anyway, I tried.”
“Good for you, Roving. Now the reason why eyewitnesses are so unreliable is that people see what they want to see, more than what they see.”
“So because my parents voted Democrat I have to, even though the Democratic Party has been replaced by the Socialist Democratic Party of America, is that it?”
“In a nutshell. People who have been Democrats all of their lives just can’t seem to make the giant leap from fantasy to reality. It’s a matter of perception: their Trump Derangement Syndrome will continue to fester as long as Hillary stays out of jail and as long as Obama’s BIRTH CERTIFICATE remains unattainable, but even that may not be enough for them to get any semblance of sanity back; that is, if they even had a lick of sense in the first place.”
“Fair enough. Well, I see we’ve run out of time and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show where we learned that we have to have voter ID and that, my friend, is what we call an imperative: designate an objective and complete the mission. Burger time: my treat.”
“Sweetheart Tree” (2:14)