by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(Nov. 15, 2024) — “Highway to Heaven” (1:34)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. I’m sorry, please bear with me because, as you can see, we’re a little off-schedule. You see, the ‘Can Can’ (1:09) girls somehow got delayed so dress rehearsal was a little bit late. Excuse me.
“No, the rope swings from there to here. And make sure it’s not too long.
“Now, where was I? Oh, yes, the girls, well, the girl frogs were late which put the whole production behind schedule. What? Pardon me, but something’s happening. Never got a hold of him? But I thought he’d be a shoe-in. Okay, okay. What about a Trump lookalike? Harry? You mean Harry the stagehand? Fine, go tell him. Yes, yes, union wages for a speaking part. That’s right, he swings in from up over there to here, stage center, while giving the Tarzan call [“Tarzan Call” (0:11)], wearing the jungle getup.”
“Trump was going to swing from the rafters, across the stage, while giving the Tarzan call, and swoop up the Constitution and go flying off the stage?”
“That’s right; why not? But he can’t make it for some reason; maybe Sherry never got a hold of him; who knows? We’ll just wing it the best we can; I mean, he just swoops in and is gone.”
“That’s true.”
“Maybe put Harry in a blue suit, white shirt and a red tie; what do you think?”
“Well, that might work. I mean, why not? I mean, it’s not like we have much choice.”
“Great; we’ll do it. Okay, everyone, take five. Let’s pause for a short commercial break while we get everything set up.”
“He’s a Rebel” (2:16)
“And we’re back. Change of plans, or play has been put on hold. Harry says that the Tarzan call is a singing part and, consequently, pays double, and then the girl frogs all got sick from day-old Sushi. So, what the heck, what do you say we interview someone, anyone? You, over there. Yes, you. I want to interview you.”
“A talking part?”
“No, not a talking part. It’s an interview. I ask questions and you answer.”
“But how can I answer without talking?”
“Did you vote for Trump? What’s that supposed to mean? Cat got your tongue? Oh, for heaven’s sake. Let’s go outside to the sidewalk. Excuse me, please, Roving for ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot. May I ask you some questions?”
“Let me ask you one. I heard Trump was going to be in a play; is that true?”
“No, I’m afraid not.”
“He was going to swing down from the rafters while giving the Tarzan call; isn’t that right?”
“Well, we were hoping he’d show up.”
“You mean he’s not here?”
“I’m afraid not.”
“Bummer.”
“You’re not telling me anything I don’t know. What do you think about his cabinet?”
“The man is multiple steps ahead of everybody. That Matt Gaetz appointment was nothing short of brilliant. I’m glad I voted for him.”
“Same here. Oh, you’re leaving? Well, then, I’ll just have to go it alone. Wait. Is that a frog? Why, I think it’s Henry. Hey, Henry, what’s up?”
“My Can-Can troop is sick; they may croak.”
“I sure hope not. You call for a doctor? Or a veterinarian?”
“Yes, they said they sent over a paramedic. Is that it?”
“No, that’s a fire truck followed be a hearse. They probably come in the back way anyway. How’s it going?”
“On the whole, not bad. I’ve got a singing engagement lined up in Las Vegas, I’ll have you know. Want me to sing you one of the songs I’ll be performing?”
“For sure.”
“Make it with You” (3:13)
“Nice. You’ll do great. What about the Muslims in the Netherlands hunting Jews?”
“It’s happening here already. Look, the writing is on the wall, has been, but nobody is paying attention, it’s like they have blinders on. What gives? 9-11 wasn’t enough of a wakeup call? And we run over there to fight them when all the while we let them come over here. Look, it’s not a mystery why so many of our Veterans eats a bullet every day. What is it now, 40-some a week? Crazy, I tell you. Nobody cares, that’s why. Hard to sleep at night when Muslim cops can just go and murder our women and nothing is done about it. Nothing. No wonder our Veterans kill themselves, used for cannon fodder only to return to learn that nobody is paying attention. Over there we shoot them; here we put them in uniform or in Congress. Just how stupid are we?”
“Pretty stupid, for sure. And I’m afraid you’re 100% correct. Nobody listens. What about Tom Homan?”
“Nope, don’t hold your breath. So, Trump won the election. Big deal. As long as we keep importing Muslims and don’t deport the ones we have… All I can say, is be armed all the time. We understand what’s going on; our Veterans understand, so maybe at some point in time others will, too. Meanwhile, be armed and plan for the worst while we hope for the best.”
“What is the best?”
“Deport them; deport each and every Muslim from our Christian-Jewish land, okay? Look, waving a Hamas flag is hate speech, no matter how you cut it. And this ‘Palestinian’ horse hockey, same with this ‘Free Gaza’ malarky, it’s all hate speech. Let’s see, now: for the past 1,400 years Muslims have been murdering everyone and you’re trying to tell me to like them? Get real. End of story, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
[And let’s not forget Maui (RR)]
“Hawaiian Dance” (2:28)
Roving Reporter